I’ve been dealing with some massive depression and codependency issues lately. I’m stuck in this awful relationship, where I don’t matter 85% of the time. My brain still goes back, honestly because I’m scared as fuck to be alone.
I don’t have much family support. I have very few friends, if any, outside of a couple guys I talk with at work about work.
I’m trying to not give a shit. I’m trying to think with logic and not emotion- like you’d think a man with a test level of 1600 should or would. Like I always would have in the past.
But it’s like my brain craves being with her, and I’m totally ok with the rejection, minimization, and belittling- just to get that one dopamine hit when everything is actually ok.
I have a counselor and life coach that I see twice a week. She is helping me to see the patterns of my narcissistic girlfriend, but also see my patterns in how I react to those situations. She’s super helpful to break the mindset on the days I see her, but the days after are just riddled with anxiety- doom and gloom.
I have some strong anxiety medication (can’t say the name here, it’s controlled), prescribed by a doctor, but scared to take it in fear of becoming dependent. I hav an addictive personality. And I know at the end of the day, it’s not going to help me actually get through this- it’ll just turn me to a apathetic zombie.
I’ve gotten some good advice in the past here- focus on the gym, find a new hobby, etc.. but that shit is hard as fuck when you’ve trained yourself to base your happiness on how this person treats you and views you.
I know this is a super long post. And my e2 is in range now, lol. But fuck man. Why can’t I just not give a fuck?
I don’t have much family support. I have very few friends, if any, outside of a couple guys I talk with at work about work.
I’m trying to not give a shit. I’m trying to think with logic and not emotion- like you’d think a man with a test level of 1600 should or would. Like I always would have in the past.
But it’s like my brain craves being with her, and I’m totally ok with the rejection, minimization, and belittling- just to get that one dopamine hit when everything is actually ok.
I have a counselor and life coach that I see twice a week. She is helping me to see the patterns of my narcissistic girlfriend, but also see my patterns in how I react to those situations. She’s super helpful to break the mindset on the days I see her, but the days after are just riddled with anxiety- doom and gloom.
I have some strong anxiety medication (can’t say the name here, it’s controlled), prescribed by a doctor, but scared to take it in fear of becoming dependent. I hav an addictive personality. And I know at the end of the day, it’s not going to help me actually get through this- it’ll just turn me to a apathetic zombie.
I’ve gotten some good advice in the past here- focus on the gym, find a new hobby, etc.. but that shit is hard as fuck when you’ve trained yourself to base your happiness on how this person treats you and views you.
I know this is a super long post. And my e2 is in range now, lol. But fuck man. Why can’t I just not give a fuck?
'ed me up bad. Don't give up or in. Never surrender. It takes time.
