It’s official

[zwhit]

Well that’s just it. I just wanted to show up and try and be a participanting parent. I was honestly trying to fit in so my kids Dad at least seemed ok and somewhat normal to all the other parents. I don’t want them to feel out of place cause their Dad is wired a little different I guess.

I just didn’t think it would be that hard. lol I mean I didn’t make a fool out of myself or anything. I was able to carry on small conversations I guess.

I don’t know it was just a very awkward 45 minutes. You could just tell my being there was clearly causing some of them stress and then I was too afraid to say anything cause I don’t know shit about the shit they were talking about. Combine the two and it sucked cause everyone just stopped talking. lol My daughter laughed about it though. We got back in the truck to go home and she says “scare any parents lately?” She said that was the quietest their cheering section ever was. lol

You're not normal bro lol. That'd be boring anyway. Doesn't mean you're a bad guy though.

I can relate to an extent. I'm covered in tattoos and have been told I'm unapproachable more than a couple times but we've made a bunch of friends through my kids' sports. They'll come around brother.

You were a participating parent and that's all that really matters. They'll get to know you as long as you keep showing up. Judging by your posts here, you and they will be fine. Probably beating yourself up too much. Sounds like your kids love you so who cares if others don't get you anyway.

I have a 3 year old little girl so by the time she's your daughter's age I might be asking you for tips on how to sit in the parent section and appear normal at gymnastics and dance recitals

 

[Hablooblah]

[/QUOTE]

No trolling Sir. Like it or don’t like it everything I post here is straight up real.

Also thanks for asking but it’s nothing or no one in particular. I don’t want to come across as a whiny Cunt so let’s just say it’s an accumulation of bullshit and it’s becoming pretty obvious that I just don’t fit in anywhere on this planet.

I’d give my left nut if the aliens would just take me away from here. I’d much rather be a sex slave there than to totally not fit in here.

Youre not alone bro...we live in a country divided in 2, with choices being A: a party where ppl thinking dudes wearing dresses and using women's restrooms are heroic and think our taxes should be used for child sex change operations and to take care of immigrants fleeing the countries theyve raped and ravaged...and B: a party of corporation and Israeli worshipping, pedo island ignoring, money hungry fucks who view us as cattle. Its a lose/lose. Your way of thinking is the only logical way of thinking. In a world of no common sense, lies, subterfuge, and brainwashing feeling like you dont fit in is a GOOD THING. I dont WANT to fit into this world.

 

[Hablooblah]

I appreciate it man it’s just a weird world to me sometimes. Today I took my youngest daughter to a gymnastics tournament and I felt so out of place. I literally just wanted to run away.

At these things all the parents sit and hang out together cause of their kids all being on the same team. I get it so I take my daughter over and of course she gotta go do her thing with the tournament. That left me to sit with all the other parents. I’m sitting there listening to the moms talk about Avon and Tupperware and the Dads talk about getting together to have beers at their man caves to discuss man stuff and oh how great their kids are at this and that. OMG talk about uncomfortable for everyone. I’m not that kinda Dad. I know my kids are great. I don’t need to sit and discuss it.

Then Half the moms and Dads won’t even look me in the eye let alone carry on a conversation with me. It’s not me overthinking it either. It’s real. All the Yentas talk so I can only imagine what they say about me with my past. The few dads that did wanted to talk about politics and work. I’m not that guy either. I try and fake it with what I do know buts it’s pretty obvious that it’s not my lane.

Anyway it was just depressing. Made me feel like a shit Dad. I’m a good Dad just not in the same way they are. I don’t know maybe I robbed my kids of something by me being an oddball. If my kid wasn’t involved I wouldn’t give two shits less what they think about me.

Fuck all that bro...idk you personally but I know you are a trained fighter, so I know enough to say for certain if anyone ever tried to harm one of your kids you'd not only be willing to, but you'd also be capable of tearing that person limb from limb(might be why you get weird looks lol), a warrior isn't supposed to fit into a gymnastics tournament. But you nutted up and went anyway and dealt with it for your daughter. Thats the only fucking thing that matters.

 

[Learningtopump]

Man there are a shit tom of good fcking dudes in this motherfucker! I can relate to just about every fucking post im here. Its not ease raising a kid when your private fuckups are public. I have 2 boys that somehow managed to become great fucking guys despite my fuckups. I spent my entire adult life as the convicted felon for Manufacturing, distribution, intent to distribute, delivery, attempt to deliver and possession with intent. It limited my job possibilities and caused issues with other parents. I went to every single fucking game no matter how little, or whether or not they were actually going to take the field. I stayed away from everyone, and sometimes had a rough time with the issues that caused my kids. They saw through most of the shit from the other parents but I know it bugged them a bit. The ONLY person I give a fuck about is my wife. Fuck them all! @AR-15 you are there for your kid, that is ALL that matters, and she will remember that not the rest of the shit. You're showing her that you care more about her then anyone else, fuck what they think. You don't need them, they dont need you fuck'em! As for someone wanting to talk politics with someone they know nothing about, that's just fucking weird. You have a fucking awesome support system right here, think about these guys when you are in a crowd, and fuck the fluffers. All you who have responded are fucking awesome in your own way, enjoy it!

 

[HAAM]

she says “scare any parents lately?”

The fact that your daughter can joke to you about scaring the other beta cuck parents tells me she knows you’re a breed apart, and you have a good relationship with her that she can tease you about it. That’s fucking solid in my book.

 

[JJB1]

I fucking hate everybody. Doesn’t matter what race they are. Doesn’t matter what stupid gender they’ve chosen, I don’t care if they are gay or straight. If they are a Man or a woman. Don’t care about any of that shit. If your walking on this planet I fucking hate you!!!

Thank you for your time…..

As long as you like dogs, it’s all good!

 

[OlePhart]

As long as you like dogs, it’s all good!View attachment 256768

Hell yeah. If somebody doesn't like dogs that and immediate red flag.

 

[Big_Jimmy434]

Just for reference, all yall my homies on here are cool as hell, but if we were all at our kids games together, I'm still probably sitting by myself.

One of you gonna wanna talk about the difference between EQ and Deca right in the middle of the game and make me miss my kid playing.

 

[Jbswole40]

Just for reference, all yall my homies on here are cool as hell, but if we were all at our kids games together, I'm still probably sitting by myself.

One of you gonna wanna talk about the difference between EQ and Deca right in the middle of the game and make me miss my kid playing.

 

[oldbull]

I understand the good natured advice of people telling @AR-15 that he shouldn’t care what other people think, but it’s just not realistic.

Millions of years of evolution as a social ape have hard-wired us to care what people think, so feeling excluded sucks. If you tell yourself you don’t care, you’re just lying to yourself.

I don’t know that I can offer any advice as to how to feel any better, though. It just sucks. But don’t feel even worse about it feeling bad, because there’s nothing you can do to control that…

 

[oldbull]

By the way, @AR-15 is easily my favorite dude on this forum, and clearly a lot of other people like you here, so it’s obvious you fit in somewhere! Even if it is with other misfits…

 

[Big_Jimmy434]

I understand the good natured advice of people telling @AR-15 that he shouldn’t care what other people think, but it’s just not realistic.

Millions of years of evolution as a social ape have hard-wired us to care what people think, so feeling excluded sucks. If you tell yourself you don’t care, you’re just lying to yourself.

I don’t know that I can offer any advice as to how to feel any better, though. It just sucks. But don’t feel even worse about it feeling bad, because there’s nothing you can do to control that…

I agree to an extent but your statement is combining two very different psychological points. One being a basic human need, as Maslow described, as Socialization and the other being "the desire to be accepted" which is something entirely different.

Psychology agrees that we, as creatures, are social animals and have a basic human need of interaction with others; friends, family, etc. However, that need is not inclusive of "fitting in." There is no basic human "need" to fit in, but there is a psychological trait concerning external validation and approval seeking from others, aka "people pleasing." Which leads to a strong desire to feel liked, accepted, and even praised by others. It can stem from low self-esteem, low self- confidence, and overall insecurity. It all normally develops when early life experiences were behavorially conditional. None of which is a basic human "need," but it is merely a cognitive distortion and a personality trait.

So yes, we do have a need for socialization as you described, but feeling the desire to be accepted and seek validation its not something that we all require as not everyone suffers with that personality trait. There are many that have confidence and self- esteem that allow them to socialize and never once seek approval, external validation, or even have the slightest thought of what "everyone thinks about them." We all should be seeking this type of growth, development, and comfort in our own skin. If you walk through a crowd of strangers and feel like they are judging you because you of your past trauma, then that's a problem.

So contrary to the combination of ideas, the world is full of confident individuals with the self-esteem that would allow them to walk in a New York wall street conference room dressed as Bozo the clown, interact with everyone, and still not give a fuck what anyone thought about them. Quite honestly, the thought would never even cross their mind.

"Not caring" isn't really not caring, it's being self confident with the self esteem to not even have the thought of caring. The only advice is continued counseling and therapy.

 

[Anabolix8]

Hell yeah. If somebody doesn't like dogs that and immediate red flag.

Ain't that something
True that

 

[Jbswole40]

I agree to an extent but your statement is combining two very different psychological points. One being a basic human need, as Maslow described, as Socialization and the other being "the desire to be accepted" which is something entirely different.

Psychology agrees that we, as creatures, are social animals and have a basic human need of interaction with others; friends, family, etc. However, that need is not inclusive of "fitting in." There is no basic human "need" to fit in, but there is a psychological trait concerning external validation and approval seeking from others, aka "people pleasing." Which leads to a strong desire to feel liked, accepted, and even praised by others. It can stem from low self-esteem, low self- confidence, and overall insecurity. It all normally develops when early life experiences were behavorially conditional. None of which is a basic human "need," but it is merely a cognitive distortion and a personality trait.

So yes, we do have a need for socialization as you described, but feeling the desire to be accepted and seek validation its not something that we all require as not everyone suffers with that personality trait. There are many that have confidence and self- esteem that allow them to socialize and never once seek approval, external validation, or even have the slightest thought of what "everyone thinks about them." We all should be seeking this type of growth, development, and comfort in our own skin. If you walk through a crowd of strangers and feel like they are judging you because you of your past trauma, then that's a problem.

So contrary to the combination of ideas, the world is full of confident individuals with the self-esteem that would allow them to walk in a New York wall street conference room dressed as Bozo the clown, interact with everyone, and still not give a fuck what anyone thought about them. Quite honestly, the thought would never even cross their mind.

"Not caring" isn't really not caring, it's being self confident with the self esteem to not even have the thought of caring. The only advice is continued counseling and therapy.

 

[Learningtopump]

I understand the good natured advice of people telling @AR-15 that he shouldn’t care what other people think, but it’s just not realistic.

Millions of years of evolution as a social ape have hard-wired us to care what people think, so feeling excluded sucks. If you tell yourself you don’t care, you’re just lying to yourself.

I don’t know that I can offer any advice as to how to feel any better, though. It just sucks. But don’t feel even worse about it feeling bad, because there’s nothing you can do to control that…

I'm not so sure about that. I have become a much better version of myself after I stopped trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be to fit in, and just started being myself. I was able to look at my reflection and know I was true to me and not to an image others needed. I have had zero friends for the last 20 years or so, and prior to that 2 that I talked with randomly. I don't see a benefit in being for others what they need you to be over what you need of yourself. I guess some people need to be around others, but to say they are lying to themselves... I had a conversation with a random stranger online about the stigmas of self determination, and it was interesting the thoughts he had. I believe that one should be able to determine how, when and if they live. The social construct that says that the taking of one's life is wrong comes not from others needs for your wellbeing as non of the people saying one should not end things have never met you or will ever talk to you again, so their personal feelings are nonexistent. There is this need some people feel, akin to the one you expressed above, that says that you must be a part of a community, you must interact with others, you must continue to exist no matter how shitty that existence is, has been or will be. People are guilted into continuing a painful existence for fear of harming another or bringing shame to those left behind. If someone were to work their ass off to earn enough to buy a small island and cut off all communication with the outside world except for food and necessities never to be seen again, but at the risk of being eaten by the local wildlife, they are thought of as eccentric and wild. But if someone is so pained that they want to relieve that pain and move on the next level of existence, no matter what that my be, they are looked down upon and hated, even though the two are exactly the same. Neither scenario is any different but yet they are looked upon so differently. This went way off track. I just meant to say that unless you are inside someone's head and can read their thoughts, you can not say what a person feels or believes, and it's not anothers place to inject their belief structure on another.

I digress...

 

[Hablooblah]

I'm not so sure about that. I have become a much better version of myself after I stopped trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be to fit in, and just started being myself. I was able to look at my reflection and know I was true to me and not to an image others needed. I have had zero friends for the last 20 years or so, and prior to that 2 that I talked with randomly. I don't see a benefit in being for others what they need you to be over what you need of yourself. I guess some people need to be around others, but to say they are lying to themselves... I had a conversation with a random stranger online about the stigmas of self determination, and it was interesting the thoughts he had. I believe that one should be able to determine how, when and if they live. The social construct that says that the taking of one's life is wrong comes not from others needs for your wellbeing as non of the people saying one should not end things have never met you or will ever talk to you again, so their personal feelings are nonexistent. There is this need some people feel, akin to the one you expressed above, that says that you must be a part of a community, you must interact with others, you must continue to exist no matter how shitty that existence is, has been or will be. People are guilted into continuing a painful existence for fear of harming another or bringing shame to those left behind. If someone were to work their ass off to earn enough to buy a small island and cut off all communication with the outside world except for food and necessities never to be seen again, but at the risk of being eaten by the local wildlife, they are thought of as eccentric and wild. But if someone is so pained that they want to relieve that pain and move on the next level of existence, no matter what that my be, they are looked down upon and hated, even though the two are exactly the same. Neither scenario is any different but yet they are looked upon so differently. This went way off track. I just meant to say that unless you are inside someone's head and can read their thoughts, you can not say what a person feels or believes, and it's not anothers place to inject their belief structure on another.

I digress...

No way brother. Thats the easy way out, and none of us here take the easy path. Im pretty sure we have all chose 1 of the hardest things a 1st world citizen can choose in that we live the bodybuilding life. (APART FROM MILITARY SERVICE) We choose to sacrifice and torture ourselves everyday. Ain't no MOTHERFUCKING way im gonna endorse any sort of ideology that supports ending your own life. You suck it the fuck up and point your teeth to the threat and attack until its not there anymore, regardless of whatever the threat/challenge is. Idc what religion or lack thereof you believe in, giving up is NOT the answer. My nephew passed away this year at 19 years old from muscular dystrophy, couldnt walk at 9 years old, by the time he passed he could only move 1 finger on his right hand and that badass motherfucker never gave up, never surrendered, never took the smile off his face. If he can persist with no hope of living a full life, of ever walking again, of ever having a family or kids of his own, of ever even taking a piss again wothout help....what the fuck are any of us complaing about? This is far off topic from what AR-15 was talking about so I dont want to throw the thread off topic but I couldnt let that reply by without a response. Youre entitled to your opinion tho brother, of course you are, I just disagree with this one. No hate. If any of you fuckers EVER has a thought about anything like that and need someone to talk to, message me, ill stop whatever im doing and talk for 10 hours if I have to. No judgment... ive had/have fucked up thoughts all the time. But as men we must endure through whatever fucked up path we end up on. Never give up.

 

[Rot-Iron66]

I fucking hate everybody. Doesn’t matter what race they are. Doesn’t matter what stupid gender they’ve chosen, I don’t care if they are gay or straight. If they are a Man or a woman. Don’t care about any of that shit. If your walking on this planet I fucking hate you!!!

Thank you for your time…..

Ive been like this since a very young age. In 1981, our local mall opened a t-shirt shop. It was just white letters ironed onto a Tee.
I had two made "Ted's Gym" (a local garage gym where we all trained) and "I Hate People"... I was 15 in 1981 and knew most people were trash...

I came home and remember my Dad cracking up saying "you're not wrong there, just don't wear it to school"...

animals > humans

 

[calf10]

I understand the good natured advice of people telling @AR-15 that he shouldn’t care what other people think, but it’s just not realistic.

Millions of years of evolution as a social ape have hard-wired us to care what people think, so feeling excluded sucks. If you tell yourself you don’t care, you’re just lying to yourself.

I don’t know that I can offer any advice as to how to feel any better, though. It just sucks. But don’t feel even worse about it feeling bad, because there’s nothing you can do to control that…

Not challenging anyone but sharing my view and experience. There are a lot one can do to do to control their feelings, thoughts and perception. You are not your body nor your mind, first you need to realize you are a soul then you need to realize YOUR own thoughts are your own enemy separating you from others. Is there any difference between solitary confinement and isolating yourself from others and make your life a living hell? Being free and living like solitary confinement is a choice - it is not destiny it is a choice. Lastly, you meditate to liberate yourself from your thoughts. Consistency is key, your spiritual experience will evolve more you meditate - same as bodybuilding.

Severely depressed cases should start with medication to first feel better and add meditation to their daily routine. Talking to someone, taking a trip, winning lottery, sex are all short term dopamine feeding band aids - you are GOD and capable, you need to realize yourself.

Above is not just my opinion but my experience, plus there is a reason navy seals exercise box breathing and there is a reason very successful leaders practice transcendental meditation before important meetings/events.

 

[Goose0420]

I fucking hate everybody. Doesn’t matter what race they are. Doesn’t matter what stupid gender they’ve chosen, I don’t care if they are gay or straight. If they are a Man or a woman. Don’t care about any of that shit. If your walking on this planet I fucking hate you!!!

Thank you for your time…..

I love you bro!

 

[oldbull]

I agree to an extent but your statement is combining two very different psychological points. One being a basic human need, as Maslow described, as Socialization and the other being "the desire to be accepted" which is something entirely different.

Psychology agrees that we, as creatures, are social animals and have a basic human need of interaction with others; friends, family, etc. However, that need is not inclusive of "fitting in." There is no basic human "need" to fit in, but there is a psychological trait concerning external validation and approval seeking from others, aka "people pleasing." Which leads to a strong desire to feel liked, accepted, and even praised by others. It can stem from low self-esteem, low self- confidence, and overall insecurity. It all normally develops when early life experiences were behavorially conditional. None of which is a basic human "need," but it is merely a cognitive distortion and a personality trait.

So yes, we do have a need for socialization as you described, but feeling the desire to be accepted and seek validation its not something that we all require as not everyone suffers with that personality trait. There are many that have confidence and self- esteem that allow them to socialize and never once seek approval, external validation, or even have the slightest thought of what "everyone thinks about them." We all should be seeking this type of growth, development, and comfort in our own skin. If you walk through a crowd of strangers and feel like they are judging you because you of your past trauma, then that's a problem.

So contrary to the combination of ideas, the world is full of confident individuals with the self-esteem that would allow them to walk in a New York wall street conference room dressed as Bozo the clown, interact with everyone, and still not give a fuck what anyone thought about them. Quite honestly, the thought would never even cross their mind.

"Not caring" isn't really not caring, it's being self confident with the self esteem to not even have the thought of caring. The only advice is continued counseling and therapy.

I think you make a valid point, but I would qualify it by saying that achieving that sort of self-actualization is a quest on its own, apart from rejecting the judgment of others.

Or perhaps more precisely, without achieving that sort of self-actualization — which is very difficult — it is nearly impossible to shrug off the rejection of others. I haven’t gotten there myself and don’t know that I ever will.

But there is a sort of “cheaper” version of it, which is basically becoming inured to rejection.

When I was a young teenager, I was tremendously afraid of rejection by females. But I forced myself to approach them anyway, often in a sort of drunken, ham-fisted way. I still got a lot of rejection, but no longer cared very much. I ended up approaching a beautiful girl who a lot of other guys were intimidated by, and she’s now my wife.

Similarly, I have a job that requires me to cold-call strangers and generally deal with people who aren’t necessarily happy to speak with me. I’ve become pretty inured to people being rude or exclusionary, not because I feel so great about myself but because it’s like a callous that has built up.

 

[Montego]

I think you make a valid point, but I would qualify it by saying that achieving that sort of self-actualization is a quest on its own, apart from rejecting the judgment of others.

Or perhaps more precisely, without achieving that sort of self-actualization — which is very difficult — it is nearly impossible to shrug off the rejection of others. I haven’t gotten there myself and don’t know that I ever will.

But there is a sort of “cheaper” version of it, which is basically becoming inured to rejection.

When I was a young teenager, I was tremendously afraid of rejection by females. But I forced myself to approach them anyway, often in a sort of drunken, ham-fisted way. I still got a lot of rejection, but no longer cared very much. I ended up approaching a beautiful girl who a lot of other guys were intimidated by, and she’s now my wife.

Similarly, I have a job that requires me to cold-call strangers and generally deal with people who aren’t necessarily happy to speak with me. I’ve become pretty inured to people being rude or exclusionary, not because I feel so great about myself but because it’s like a callous that has built up.

Bruh, you gonna have to dumb this down a bit.

Read the room

 

[Big_Jimmy434]

achieving that sort of self-actualization is a quest on its own

Amen! Nothing more true has ever been spoken.

And Sorry for being mean to you on the phone. I'll pay ya'll as soon as I get the money.

 

[oldbull]

Amen! Nothing more true has ever been spoken.

And Sorry for being mean to you on the phone. I'll pay ya'll as soon as I get the money.

lol, not a debt collector, thank god

Bruh, you gonna have to dumb this down a bit.

Read the room

oh self-actualization is just the term for that type of understanding of yourself and accepting your role in the world that Big Jimmy was describing. He referred to Maslow’s pyramid of human needs — eating and drinking, basic biological functions are at the bottom. Self-actualization is at the top. It might sound like fancy talk but that wasn’t my intention, lol

 

[62Young]

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Believe I learned that in elementary school.

Good stuff, guys. I enjoy reading about your different experiences (some familiar to me personally)
and the different perspectives. There’s always something to learn.

 

[oldbull]

For a thread started by @AR-15, there’s been a disconcerting lack of input from him lately — hopefully, he has not actually snapped and hijacked a bus load of Japanese tourists or kidnapped a head of state…

 

[dcdogz]

I feel ya man. I started coaching wrestling and it's so fckin awkward dealing with parents. I just kinda fell into it. I absolutely despise the parents but seeing the smile on kids faces hit a move or win a tough match makes it all worth.

I do it for them.

I was not prepared for the feelings i got when our first batch of seniors graduated. I was a fckin emotional mess for like a week. Caught me so off guard. I especially miss a few who were great mentors to my kids.

Did i mention i hate parents? The ones that push their kids to train and cut weight all the while big tubs of lard making no attempt to train or take care of themselves!

Youd wring their necks! And id be right behind you lol

 

[Learningtopump]

No way brother. Thats the easy way out, and none of us here take the easy path.

I'm not so sure that's the easy path. If it were I'd have been able to do the deed long long ago. That I haven't and I struggle with way I don't every single fucking day of my life for the last 45 years so, that is some indication of how it's not the easy path. For some fucked up reason, I remain. I have no idea why, my reasons for offing myself are far more numerous than those that are against it, but yet here I am, still. Two times in the last year I was just about dead, this last one was the hardest because I was so fucking hopeful I could just move to the next level of existence no matter what it is. I have a DNR in place and still I fucking made it through without any life sustaining medical intervention. That bothers the fuck out of me. For those that really think that taking ones life is the easy way, they have never been faced with something that would make a person feel that that was an option, and chose not to.

 

[Hablooblah]

I'm not so sure that's the easy path. If it were I'd have been able to do the deed long long ago. That I haven't and I struggle with way I don't every single fucking day of my life for the last 45 years so, that is some indication of how it's not the easy path. For some fucked up reason, I remain. I have no idea why, my reasons for offing myself are far more numerous than those that are against it, but yet here I am, still. Two times in the last year I was just about dead, this last one was the hardest because I was so fucking hopeful I could just move to the next level of existence no matter what it is. I have a DNR in place and still I fucking made it through without any life sustaining medical intervention. That bothers the fuck out of me. For those that really think that taking ones life is the easy way, they have never been faced with something that would make a person feel that that was an option, and chose not to.

You didn't because you chose the tough road as so many of us do. It IS the easy path. Youre just not weak and you continue to move forward in spite of all the adversity. And FWIW im proud of you for that brother. Youre not alone, I have the same thoughts, so much adversity in my life, felonies, failures, betrayals, loss...but you know what? Fuck all of it, im resolute in that I wont give up my 1 and only time to live on this mudball over a few horrible relationships and experiences. Im gonna fight tooth claw and fucking nail, tear bone muscle and sinew to live and try to be happy because its better than an unending unconscious black void you cant return from. There is no reincarnation, you dont get to do it all over again. This is the 1 and only time youre going to get to experience life. And cutting it short hurts anyone that cares for you but above all else it hurts you. No matter what struggles I deal with, I know theres someone out there that has it 10x as bad as me and that motherfucker is still pushing through and making the most of it.