This topic belongs in the pit - But its here.. Wives, mature old wives 45+ (mental health) menopause - WTF

[Vision]

This topic belongs in the pit - But it's here.. Wives, mature older wives 45+ (mental health issues or menopause?)

Normally, I'm not one to bring up personal matters, however something very real and confusing has been going on at the home front the past few weeks. A bit longer, yet I've been very passive and anti-confrontational as often as I can be as always. I've had a few "You better simmer down moments"! I even slapped a heavy architectural designed statue head like thingy off a side table (it was far heavier and harder than expected but I put on my poker face, it did hurt my hand for a moment, never noticed this thing before).
That's been the height of the non-tolerated instances.

For my beloved amazing love of my life, my wife, she looks VERY young, very attractive woman, yet she's 8 months away from becoming 50 years old (bless her heart).. Hard to believe just looking at her.
Her mental state and attitude has been very difficult to be around as of lately, most recall me poking fun at myself & my tren episodes and whereby the wife hates it with fierce enthusiasm (mostly blown out of proportion for entertainment value, yet frankly there's some truth to it, sincerely).

Lately, purportedly with her mental health retrogressing worst than any of her prior PMS moments and here I'm speculating "menopause".. (there is intensive hereditary dementia that has me concerned too, her as well and it's often talked about).. Cognitively and hormonally these changes of "supposedly" menopause (I'm assuming, I have nothing, no bloods or anything to support my preconceived notions but seems fair to assume).

Now, combined this with daily life that's her words, yet "you/readers & myself" along with everyone else deals with with life, yet on our own terms to be fair. Nevertheless, no excuses on the regular IMO (accountability).

In fact my load far exceeds hers and any men she knows x 10, owning a business among other challenges that the average Joe would consider formidable and would simply just quit entirely looking at it (and I'm not joking), not including my manual labor when it's need and I mean "some crazy shit, like high priority and sucky consequently ".

My work out-put is high octane, high level, flip on a switch and black-out and ignore the surroundings and just get it done, high speed and just out right monstrous production on a significant degree that most couldn't even fathom yet I'm cool as a cucumber when I come home and/or deal with customers, people, friends alike, clients yet even supervising/micro managing other businesses/projects when I'm subcontracted out and the list goes on. (No self praising here, just giving an idea about mental load & capacity, higher aptitude than most - exceeding and others expecting beyond)..

Something has a major and very concerning even a significant impact on just about all of her moods, everything.
We know it's not out of the ordinary for any human to experience fluctuating hormonal mood swings, sadness, and even rage during times and in her case. All the same it's a lot and its extremely unacceptable on every level. In fact, a very dear friend of mine from here who is considered, literally, family my very best friend who knows my life inside and out as well as my family and has even heard her explode when on me when he and I were having a simple mature yet educational conversations where he was mentoring me with some great direction and decisions in my life, I grabbed the pop corn and listened to the incredible wisdom this man always shares, helping me in areas that are just not in my scope.

My wife has joined convos with us ALL THE TIME, laughing and joking on car rides or watching TV or eating, like family of of course if anything. Lately, he's heard her respond with unusual and unacceptable responses like "dude, all you did was ask a reasonable and logical adult question, what was that about?"..

She does have some health issues, she on some meds for HRT, but this seems more neurological and mental health related..

When does this menopause begin and does it have such huge factors that appear simply uncontrollable, rampad and berserk with cognitive behaviors?

 

[Anabolicneeds11]

Good day to u, mister
I've went through and read this a couple of times and it reminded me of some past and present situations.Everyone has troubles but when my mother was 46 she started to become isolated to her obsessive worries, forgetting reoccurring habits, and was unavailable emotionally. She wasn't feeling well, it wasn't getting better. Headaches and stomach cramps were a norm, of a severe strength. I didn't understand and so we had a lot of misunderstood conversations/arguments.
For the last years she has been better and been on HRT. When she went and GAVE BLOODS during all of this years ago, she was close to a stroke ...
Our situations stand by themselves but there is comparison. menapause is rough and I fell for the trap of not understanding and becoming angry/emotional when we did spend time. That anger should only be more love and action for compensation to be taken toward your wife's unease. As well, the healthier U are the healthier she'll be, hopefully...
A respectable man with a lot of knowledge I'm sure u are. You two will figure this out. If anything take some time for your wife and yourself.....?

Dementia may occur but your WIFE will always be much more than that. A disease will never describe all there is to a person. Definitely not your wife

 

[Multislacking]

Unfortunately, there isn't likely any ONE thing you can fix. And...trying to fix things for our wives can be our biggest downfall. Often times they just want to vent and be heard. They literally don't want anything done, other than someone to listen. So communication first and foremost. Don't tell her "you should" or even say "if it were me, I'd do". My wife KNOWS some of her emotions, behaviors, etc are 100% completely irrational. So there is no point in you trying to rationalize things for her.

Menopause is like the ultimate period for a woman. "Says a man"....I know, I know. Instead of a few days or week per month of moodiness, irritability, pain, discomfort, etc....it goes on non stop. Sometimes for years. Sometimes "forever" if her hormones don't normalize or decrease to a point it is a non issue. You might....MIGHT....be able to approach it from a position that you are concerned about her HEALTH. Not her hormones, not what is causing her to be moody, or why she's being a total bitch. Her health and her health only. Tell her you're concerned and you'd like to take her to her next annual checkup at the gyno. Hopefully she is already doing this somewhat regularly. You'll have to feel out her gyno's opinion on things, just like we would a trt doc. Are they going to play ball and try to fix things or are they just going to say "that's life, you're old, get used to it." Be prepared...this is going to be a long road. You can't just dump your plan to "fix her" on her. You my have to play the "this is what my doc told me on MY annual checkup that I need to start doing." Let her see you making efforts to deal with aging (other than slamming test weekly). You are planting small seeds to make her start thinking about things. And her own health. You're a smart guy and you've probably been angling at these things already. You just have to avoid the urge to get behind the horse and push it to the watering hole.

Even IF you get her on hrt, etc, it will likely continue to be a struggle. The meds won't have the instantaneous effect she was hoping for, so why should she bother? You didn't pick up on that one signal that one night that she was ready to get dicked, so why should she take pills, creams, etc daily to "always be ready to go" or "in a good mood all the time"? You know how this goes. It will continue to be YOUR fault and YOUR problem. Just like it is every other time there is a disagreement or discussion.

Next time on Multi's Marital Bliss, we'll be discussing boundaries. Yes, every couple has hard boundaries, but soft boundaries fluctuate and are constantly changing. Expect some border wars from time to time. You'll learn how to peacefully negotiate, establish new boundaries that are advantageous to you both, and possibly even get anal more than once every five years. Stay tuned, readers!

 

[Matt88]

I unfortunately cannot offer any advice based on experience given the age of my wife and I.

What I can say is that if you need ANYTHING I'm here. Even if you just need a trustworthy ear to listen I got you.

I consider you a friend in every sense of the word.

Much love brother. Stay strong.

 

[JD70]

My 1st wife went thru menopause, untreated, and it was hell, like she hated me and lost all desire for sex. Then my second wife never went through it or will since she had a historectomy and got on estradiol (she's just crazy sometimes but nothing like the other one). You said yours is on hrt? I'd make sure those levels were right if it was mine, for both your sakes. God bless

 

[Push50]

This shows the typical ranges for different phase but with out testing her estradiol you will never know. My wife’s gyno has been telling her for 3 years she was going to hit menopause but she still hasn’t. Accord to her numbers she is in that range but there is not a defined age.
Of course, even though I am fixed my wife is still on birth control to regulate her cycles.
So that could be part of the reason she hasn’t started, for all intents and purposes it is hrt. Now that’s from a medical aspect.

All of these are sings/symptoms of menopause:
lack of a period
hot flashes
chronic head aches
moodiness
Vaginal dryness

Of course these could also indicate a number of other underlying issues.

Best to try and get her to do labs and have a conversation with her gyno.

Good Luck Brother

I thought about turning my AAS opinion around.

If your a Dick before you start steroids
You will be a bigger Dick on them.

If a woman’s a bitch before menopause
She will be a bigger bitch after it starts.

Any way. I wish you grace brother. It is hard to deal with anyone that is explosive at the drop of a hat none the less when it’s someone you love.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[CoachCabo]

I am not one to have a pimple and go right to thinking it’s cancer but in this case I will approach that level a bit.

As I have stated in the past here, my first wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at 48. In hind sight, she was showing many signs at 45. But the last thing you’d think of is “Old Timer’s disease”. AD is only one of something like 70 kinds of dementia so even more ridiculous to even begin to think of it being that.
That shit changed her so much that nearly everything I loved about her not only disappeared but became an opposite. She couldn’t account for large sums of money I sent whilst on deployment, infidelity, recklessness, accusatory comments constantly, making out me to be an enemy when in the end, it turned out that I was really the only person on her side.. It was horrible. And none of it came fast. Every day a little bit was missing of her every morning when we woke up. It was literally death by 1,000 paper cuts to my very soul.
Those event cast my life into a downward spiral that many men would never recover from.

I doubt and sincerely hope that this is not what is happening in your case but I sure as hell wish someone would have told me that this was a possibility back then. We certainly would have prepared better.

Best wishes and good luck.

 

[Eddiesixpack]

I’ve been somewhat going through the same thing. My wife and best friend for 31 years here lately hates everyone and is just mad at the world. We both own our own businesses and for the most part work 7 days a week. Add grandkids and elderly parents and we basically have no quality of life. The sad part is we are so dedicated to work and family that we havnt made time for ourselves. We came first before the kids and businesses etc.

It had gotten to the point where I was on egg shells around her. We do not fight or curse or call names. If we are having a knock down drag out fight. We are not speaking which is harder on both of us then just getting it all out. Finally after about 3 weeks of the roller coaster mood swings and hating everything I say and do and me unable to not do anything right I had enough.

After her getting mad at me about nothing I blew up. I’ve had enough. Been nice and constantly walking on egg shells I’ve had enough and meant it. I didn’t yell or curse. I just sat down next to her abs told her maybe she needed to leave and go clear her head. She obviously hated me and everything about me and this was miserable for both of us. This isn’t living. I told her I loved her with all of my heart but it’s obvious I can’t make her happy. I told her I would do whatever it took to make her happy even if it was separation which I do not ever want. I held her hand as I told her this and she started crying. Said she didn’t know why she was so moody and confrontational.

Long story short (too late). We went off on a long weekend and reconnected. Cut the damn phones off and just got back to our roots.

@Vision go grab your wife and talk to her. Tell her how you feel and go somewhere. Sometimes a hotel with room service is magical. Wine also helps with the magic. Do it and do it now. Might be the best thing you ever did for both of you…

 

[tommygunz]

When does this menopause begin and does it have such huge factors that appear simply uncontrollable, rampad and berserk with cognitive behaviors?

She's, more than likely, entering perimenopause. This can, and should, last for years, the longer the better for her health's sake. My wife is turning 55 this month and has been going through this for the better part of 2 years. She will go 3-4 months no period, then maybe another 6 months, last time almost 10months then there it is again. It's an emotional rollercoaster that I can liken to an untreated E2 rise when you're on a good dose of test for us.

You know exactly what I mean.

She should be seeing a gyno on the regular at this point and HRT is usually the last thing they do. It doesn't work for women like it does men. There are resources available and support groups including therapists that deal with this. It is as mental as it is physical.

For us? Well.....

 

[Augustine5I]

I suppose when you see couples in their 50’s getting a divorce… this is one reason.

Another reason you see wives hooked on Xanax or a bottle of wine a night.

Bro, you’re better man then me, Bc I would not put up with that bullshit.

I can’t even imagine what your sex life is like or the lack there of… fuck that.

Good luck

 

[heckler7]

damn bro sorry to hear this, I wish I could offer advise, this doesnt seem like something counseling can help with. I think tommy nailed it with the old stuff it down with brown, drink some jack and coke, or maybe just pin tren so youre both dealing with E2 and you will be able to sympathize with her

 

[Eddiesixpack]

I suppose when you see couples in their 50’s getting a divorce… this is one reason.

Another reason you see wives hooked on Xanax or a bottle of wine a night.

Bro, you’re better man then me, Bc I would not put up with that bullshit.

I can’t even imagine what your sex life is like or the lack there of… fuck that.

Good luck

No disrespect but that’s a lot of the problem. People quit too easy today. Being a b is one thing but a cheating b is another. We all go through rough times and we are not perfect.

I guess what Im saying is you got to weigh the good with the bad and make a decision. Whatever decision it is you have to live with it.

The grass on the other side of the fence has got to be mowed the same as the grass your standing on.

 

[Augustine5I]

No disrespect but that’s a lot of the problem. People quit too easy today. Being a b is one thing but a cheating b is another. We all go through rough times and we are not perfect.

I guess what Im saying is you got to weigh the good with the bad and make a decision. Whatever decision it is you have to live with it.

The grass on the other side of the fence has got to be mowed the same as the grass your standing on.

It’s true what you say.

At the same time, see these women deprive there husbands of sex Bc of low libido. Emotional connection crap.

Then they divorce and are born again fuck monsters.

Not saying have zero tolerance (even tho I have none), but there are limits.

Then you have the attacks on his character for no good reason. Yet, you’re compatible?

You want to pick a fight?? You’re going to get a next level fight.

Bet she keeps her mouth shut with remarks after that…

 

[Eddiesixpack]

Totally get the sex thing. It’s really important to me. If your my wife YOUR GOING to be my wife. A wife. If I’m good to you then you will be good to me or you can go.

That being said. A couple shouldn’t let it get to that point that it has to be confrontational to get your point across. You should be able to talk about whatever it is you need to discuss.

Here’s how I do it. Hey baby it’s been 4 days. The boys are needing some love. Getting a little backed up. She knows if she doesn’t have sex with me I’ll just go somewhere else. I’m not going to argue about it and pitch a fit.

Been working for 31 years. All couples have their problems and we are at an age where health and hormones effect us all differently.

Sometimes a candid conversation can go a long way. If she menopausal then she needs treatment.

 

[GivePenisaChance22]

Even more reason why couples should workout together or just have an active physical life. I truly believe that exercise(especially resistance training) is a fountain of youth and can mitigate a lot of health problems as we get older.

 

[Timmy9000]

I wish I could contribute, but the most I can do is send good vibes your way. It may not be much but know that someone is wishing you and your wife good luck!

 

[Jbswole40]

This is touchy subject, my woman not even 40 but can be extremely moody,up and down,always tired..drives me nuts at times I just want to make her happy,.she is at home most of the day dealing w the house and kids..I just take the good with the bad..1 great day overcomes 3 bad days..
Not looking foward to the 50s

 

[tommygunz]

This is touchy subject, my woman not even 40 but can be extremely moody,up and down,always tired..drives me nuts at times I just want to make her happy,.she is at home most of the day dealing w the house and kids..I just take the good with the bad..1 great day overcomes 3 bad days..
Not looking foward to the 50s

You’re not alone, or doing anything wrong. She needs a break from her routine, It’s a tough job being a mom 24/7. When you’re interacting with children all day and maintaining a household it’s easy to feel like a domestic worker. She needs adult stimulation with people her age without the kids or the house. Part time job, girls night out once a week, gym time couple 2-3 days weekly. Something, anything different than the rut for her. Something to look forward to that’s just for her.

 

[Jbswole40]

You’re not alone, or doing anything wrong. She needs a break from her routine, It’s a tough job being a mom 24/7. When you’re interacting with children all day and maintaining a household it’s easy to feel like a domestic worker. She needs adult stimulation with people her age without the kids or the house. Part time job, girls night out once a week, gym time couple 2-3 days weekly. Something, anything different than the rut for her. Something to look forward to that’s just for her.

Yea,great advice..

 

[DisgruntledJimmy]

I got no advise on that particular situation and I am not at all looking forward to my wife hitting menopause. Her mother became a raging bitch when she hit hers - to the point she nearly threw away several decades of marriage. Got so bad with jumping down her recently retired husband's throat over the most asinine stuff (He had the AUDACITY to go golf with his buddies on a Sunday?! What a piece of shit!) that he bought a second house in Florida for her and her friends to vacation in for several months of the year. She's just now years later starting to calm down and find her love for her husband again. I stopped visiting a few years ago due to her behavior, even.

 

[zionoir626]

Time apart..not an affair, rather with her gf's..is a great idea..
Gummies is another..
Judy was an angry drunk ,one gummy and we a laughing and having fun..
I do miss that Woman..!!

Flowers and candy for no reason..date Night..a nice dinner out..
Women need to be reminded often, that you love them..and words fall short..
Actions..pay great dividends..
Not just in the bedroom..!! Lol

I would catch Hell if I didn't tell her see looked nice 5 times a day..
So,I did it 6 times a day..!!
Little Things..Women appreciate..
And...
Listening...
Most men Don't..!!

Find out what works on Her..
And..do it often...
An Old Man's Take..!!
Z...