Girlfriendof
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Hi guys (and girls) LONG POST ALERT
I currently live with my partner who is a steroid user and I have some concerns which I wanted to clear up through here...
Firstly, I'm not entirely naive. I dated steroid users in the past. When I met my current partner I asked him what he was running (I thought from looking at him he was definitely on something). He denied being on anything and swore he'd never touched the stuff (turns out he was running tren, test and I think deca as well?). When I later found out (come across his stash one day), he told me he never told me when I asked because he "knew I'd probably never speak to him again". I was disappointed as up until that point I'd put all the mood swings down to something wrong with me, despite never having such issues with any of my previous partners.
After it was all out in the open he was transparent with me about when he was using and what he was running. As Id already dated men in the past who take steroids, I soon realised he was never cycling off. I confronted him about this and he replied telling me he was never coming off of them. I kept quiet as I didn't want to be that girl who makes their boyfriend come off of steroids. I DONT want to be controlling. I try my best to be understanding.
Eventually the tren took its toll though. He became incredibly irritable and paranoid at one point going down my phone and messaging my ex asking "what are we". By his own admission the tren was fucking with his head and he decided to come off steroids completely. I never suggested it to him I allowed him to come to his own decision. Again, I didn't want to be "that" girlfriend.
Coming off them he wasn't the best person to be around but after a while I saw a side to him I'd never seen before. He was so loving and kind. Always happy. We got on so well and were always laughing and doing everything together. Things were fucking amazing. At one point we even spoke about how different he was off of them. I told him how at the start of our relationship I couldn't understand the random mood swings. One minute he was laughing and cuddling me on the sofa. The next he stormed off with no warning or trigger and wouldn't talk or even look at me. It was hard to keep up but I knew there was something special about us and him and tried to work through the mood swings as best as I could (not without some tears though).
Anyway fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and things began to change again. This time for the worse. At first I put it down to both of us having the flu. Every day was a minefield. Any small thing could set him off. One minute he'd telling me he loves me and that I'm a good girl (lol) next minute he'd be calling me a cunt or a prick and telling me to fuck off. It's driving me insane. I know I'm not a bad person and know I don't deserve the way I'm being treated. I'm reasonable - I know when I'm being a prick. I thought this was just down to being ill but.... Here's the good part... Swallowed his cum and instantly noticed the difference. Yeah boys, your cum tastes rank after injecting. I mean I'm a good girl so I still swallow but I instantly know when he's running and when he's not. I said it to him jokingly and he neither denied or confirmed that he had started using again. The following week (Monday just gone) I walked in on him injecting.
He says he's just running test but I didn't expect the personality changes off of just test. The day I walked in on him I was upset because I feel like I've got to go through all the changes again and it's sad because he is such a nice person when he's not running anything. He is in denial about the whole thing. All the things he said before when coming off tren have gone completely out the window. He kept asking me what I want why I'm upset bla bla bla. I explained to him calmly that I'm worried about him. I'm worried about things going back to how they were. I can't deal with those mood swings again they dragged me down with him and made me a recluse because every day I was upset over the way he was treating me. I also explained that I'm scared about his health and our future. He doesn't get his bloods checked (something my ex regularly did) and I'm so concerned about his fertility as having a child is something we both want in the future. I don't want to spend all this time together to eventually try and find out we can't because of his steroid use (I understand there might be something wrong with me in the future - children are never guaranteed). His reply was to have a baby now! I don't want that it's far too soon and with the way things are it would put a massive strain on us as a couple. We can't handle a puppy and a kitten let alone a child. He said he would get his bloods done and I said that I'm happy with that. I don't like it but I will support him doing test as long as he's reponsible.
But I can't cope with how things are going. Everything is my fault at the moment and I can't tell him anything!!!!! He has to be right all the time. Examples.... On Tuesday I boiled the kettle for my morning coffee. He tried to reboil it and I said no it's just come off the boil. I just did it. He flipped. Throwing his porridge across the kitchen. Saying "fuck the porridge, you're a fucking prick youre trying to control me eating my breakfast". Wtf ! I was in shock and didn't say a word only asked him where he was going when he left the house. He said he was going to the shop but then disappeared for 4 hours. The following day he disappeared again for 4 hours after another petty trigger whilst I waited around for our date night which he was 2 hours late for with no apology. Both of these times I have said nothing. I've just given him space to calm down. A nice text to know I'm not angry with him in case he is avoiding home because he wants to avoid conflict. I had one apology for the kettle incident (this was via text it would never happen face to face). On Friday night I tried to talk calmly with him about how he was treating me and how I felt but it resulted in him cancelling our night out and not talking to me. I can't get through to him at all. He's completely in denial that his personality has changed in anyway: he says it's all my fault. I ask him to tell me how it's my fault and he never had an answer he says it just is its just me. When I get upset he tells me he can't deal with the stress and will leave me if I carry on. I have no voice anymore. Every day I have to take the verbal abuse. I don't say anything back because it will only trigger him more. I take it all and say nothing. He's noticed a change in me now. I'm not as warm and affectionate as I once was because with every insult and every nasty comment a little part of the love I have for him diminishes. Now I get accused of cheating on him! I've been loyal to this man from the day we met. I love him unconditionally and he knows I'm gonna stand by him no matter what. I've proved that to him. He talks to his exes yet I've had to block all of mine because he's paranoid I'm talking to them behind his back. I've deactivated Facebook because that was causing arguments too. I even quit my career the last time he was running as he threatened to break up with me as I no longer had time for him and he couldn't deal with it.
So my question to all you guys is....
Wtf do I do to get through to him? I've been reasonable - I support what he does and I try to make his life as easy as possible. I keep my mouth shut when he's agitated so I don't fuel the fire. I tread on eggshells around him as I want to have as little episodes as possible. When he gets paranoid I do all I can to prove he has nothing to worry about.
Where do I go from here ?
How do your girlfriends cope with any mood swings or episodes ?
What am I doing wrong ?
Does running test alone have such a big effect on any of you ?
I currently live with my partner who is a steroid user and I have some concerns which I wanted to clear up through here...
Firstly, I'm not entirely naive. I dated steroid users in the past. When I met my current partner I asked him what he was running (I thought from looking at him he was definitely on something). He denied being on anything and swore he'd never touched the stuff (turns out he was running tren, test and I think deca as well?). When I later found out (come across his stash one day), he told me he never told me when I asked because he "knew I'd probably never speak to him again". I was disappointed as up until that point I'd put all the mood swings down to something wrong with me, despite never having such issues with any of my previous partners.
After it was all out in the open he was transparent with me about when he was using and what he was running. As Id already dated men in the past who take steroids, I soon realised he was never cycling off. I confronted him about this and he replied telling me he was never coming off of them. I kept quiet as I didn't want to be that girl who makes their boyfriend come off of steroids. I DONT want to be controlling. I try my best to be understanding.
Eventually the tren took its toll though. He became incredibly irritable and paranoid at one point going down my phone and messaging my ex asking "what are we". By his own admission the tren was fucking with his head and he decided to come off steroids completely. I never suggested it to him I allowed him to come to his own decision. Again, I didn't want to be "that" girlfriend.
Coming off them he wasn't the best person to be around but after a while I saw a side to him I'd never seen before. He was so loving and kind. Always happy. We got on so well and were always laughing and doing everything together. Things were fucking amazing. At one point we even spoke about how different he was off of them. I told him how at the start of our relationship I couldn't understand the random mood swings. One minute he was laughing and cuddling me on the sofa. The next he stormed off with no warning or trigger and wouldn't talk or even look at me. It was hard to keep up but I knew there was something special about us and him and tried to work through the mood swings as best as I could (not without some tears though).
Anyway fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and things began to change again. This time for the worse. At first I put it down to both of us having the flu. Every day was a minefield. Any small thing could set him off. One minute he'd telling me he loves me and that I'm a good girl (lol) next minute he'd be calling me a cunt or a prick and telling me to fuck off. It's driving me insane. I know I'm not a bad person and know I don't deserve the way I'm being treated. I'm reasonable - I know when I'm being a prick. I thought this was just down to being ill but.... Here's the good part... Swallowed his cum and instantly noticed the difference. Yeah boys, your cum tastes rank after injecting. I mean I'm a good girl so I still swallow but I instantly know when he's running and when he's not. I said it to him jokingly and he neither denied or confirmed that he had started using again. The following week (Monday just gone) I walked in on him injecting.
He says he's just running test but I didn't expect the personality changes off of just test. The day I walked in on him I was upset because I feel like I've got to go through all the changes again and it's sad because he is such a nice person when he's not running anything. He is in denial about the whole thing. All the things he said before when coming off tren have gone completely out the window. He kept asking me what I want why I'm upset bla bla bla. I explained to him calmly that I'm worried about him. I'm worried about things going back to how they were. I can't deal with those mood swings again they dragged me down with him and made me a recluse because every day I was upset over the way he was treating me. I also explained that I'm scared about his health and our future. He doesn't get his bloods checked (something my ex regularly did) and I'm so concerned about his fertility as having a child is something we both want in the future. I don't want to spend all this time together to eventually try and find out we can't because of his steroid use (I understand there might be something wrong with me in the future - children are never guaranteed). His reply was to have a baby now! I don't want that it's far too soon and with the way things are it would put a massive strain on us as a couple. We can't handle a puppy and a kitten let alone a child. He said he would get his bloods done and I said that I'm happy with that. I don't like it but I will support him doing test as long as he's reponsible.
But I can't cope with how things are going. Everything is my fault at the moment and I can't tell him anything!!!!! He has to be right all the time. Examples.... On Tuesday I boiled the kettle for my morning coffee. He tried to reboil it and I said no it's just come off the boil. I just did it. He flipped. Throwing his porridge across the kitchen. Saying "fuck the porridge, you're a fucking prick youre trying to control me eating my breakfast". Wtf ! I was in shock and didn't say a word only asked him where he was going when he left the house. He said he was going to the shop but then disappeared for 4 hours. The following day he disappeared again for 4 hours after another petty trigger whilst I waited around for our date night which he was 2 hours late for with no apology. Both of these times I have said nothing. I've just given him space to calm down. A nice text to know I'm not angry with him in case he is avoiding home because he wants to avoid conflict. I had one apology for the kettle incident (this was via text it would never happen face to face). On Friday night I tried to talk calmly with him about how he was treating me and how I felt but it resulted in him cancelling our night out and not talking to me. I can't get through to him at all. He's completely in denial that his personality has changed in anyway: he says it's all my fault. I ask him to tell me how it's my fault and he never had an answer he says it just is its just me. When I get upset he tells me he can't deal with the stress and will leave me if I carry on. I have no voice anymore. Every day I have to take the verbal abuse. I don't say anything back because it will only trigger him more. I take it all and say nothing. He's noticed a change in me now. I'm not as warm and affectionate as I once was because with every insult and every nasty comment a little part of the love I have for him diminishes. Now I get accused of cheating on him! I've been loyal to this man from the day we met. I love him unconditionally and he knows I'm gonna stand by him no matter what. I've proved that to him. He talks to his exes yet I've had to block all of mine because he's paranoid I'm talking to them behind his back. I've deactivated Facebook because that was causing arguments too. I even quit my career the last time he was running as he threatened to break up with me as I no longer had time for him and he couldn't deal with it.
So my question to all you guys is....
Wtf do I do to get through to him? I've been reasonable - I support what he does and I try to make his life as easy as possible. I keep my mouth shut when he's agitated so I don't fuel the fire. I tread on eggshells around him as I want to have as little episodes as possible. When he gets paranoid I do all I can to prove he has nothing to worry about.
Where do I go from here ?
How do your girlfriends cope with any mood swings or episodes ?
What am I doing wrong ?
Does running test alone have such a big effect on any of you ?
