I've been married to my wife for over 12 years. We're very close in terms of communication and honesty, like you and your wife seem to be (going off from your posts that I've read - you seem intelligent and your marriage seemed solid). I'm finishing up a moderate dosed tren cycle this week...
Prior to beginning my tren cycle, I spoke with and educated my wife deeply about tren and its side effects - then asked her to help me keep an eye out for sides. Explained to her that if I become angry, I needed to her to put space between us until I've calmed down. I consider myself a rational man, capable of self reflection and self honesty. Having said that, due to the moderate dosages I was taking, I did in fact experience bouts of anger as well as paranoia of her affection towards me. When I managed to calm myself down and had those internal conversations with myself, I'd go apologize to my wife heavily while reaffirming my love and admiration of her.
When you're level headed again, maybe ask her if she's willing to have a heart to heart conversation and if she agrees - have the damn heart to heart conversation. Look at old photos of the two of you over the years and think about how close you two have become over the years. Find that love for her again in your mind.
I understand your anger. Becoming destructive over a small lie is an irrational response. Ask yourself why you're feeling so strongly about the situation. Maybe you'll realize you ARE behaving irrational over something so minor. Or maybe you'll realize the situation is the straw that broke the camel's back and you're tired of being lied to repeatedly. You're the only person who can figure out the WHY behind your response. Does she know you're on tren and is she aware of the side effects? Maybe she's genuinely walking on eggshells out of fear and that's why she was dishonest.
If this is truly something that you can't let go, then here's what I'd do...I'd stop the tren immediately. Once it's entirely out of my system and I'm back to being Jimmy, I'd approach the conversation again with a level head and stable emotions. Because that's what my wife deserves after so many years of marriage - she deserves the respect of being allowed to explain to me her thoughts and feelings without destructive/punishing repercussions.
Please understand that being destructive is going to understandably lead to feelings of resentment and push her further away from you. You're her rock and safety.
I appreciate the response bro.
As of last night we have made up and are healing.
It was hard to let it ago (yet again).
I like your suggestions. Doing that internal dialogue doesn’t seem to work for me.
Thing is, I hate liars and lying. It’s a trust thing.
Maybe ppl who have been lied to can relate.
But if everyone lied, no one could trust anyone.
Thing is, I have gotten crazed over shit like this before, not on tren.
I just have zero tolerance for lying. It’s hurtful.
It’s always an attempt to cover something up. Never for your benefit (99% of the time).
She lied about something just 4 weeks ago. After swearing to God she wouldn’t anymore.
At any rate, it’s a better day.
We love each other very much. She understands how sensitive I am over rejection. Due to my past.