In the Trenches..!!

[zionoir626]

Lost a battle the other day..
Sad,it took a huge chunk..
At what level,they and I just don't know..

Z...

 

[Push50]

Praying for you brother


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[TheOldJJdigs]

Sent you a PM my friend… take a look when you can. Sorry to hear what’s going on but you got this I know you do

 

[zionoir626]

This is why...
When I heard people quit...like my sister that just passed..she was good with everything, but when she found out she had it..
She told me, she wasn't fighting,I was mad as Hell..
But...she's without pain, while I'm suffering like that dog in the snow...on that ASPCA commercial..That's Not a Joke.
Seven long, hard depressing, without result years have passed..
It's funny actually...
Like the 2 pills in the Matrix..
Green or Red...a choice..
My sister had a choice...
Yet..somehow..there were no more Red pills..
No choice for Me...

Funny Because...
Is that why I was bestowed this gift..
Because, the Green pills were backorder..??
Who..Knows..

Odd that logic doesn't agree with my present course of action, but then again..
Just the Odds I like..
Z...

 

[Papasmurf]

Sorry to hear you are struggling Z! I’ve been MIA a while, praying for you guy!

 

[zionoir626]

I texted my daughter earlier, to please not mention how ill I am to my grandkids..and I'll limit my time with them ..so it won't be so obvious..
But...
The course has mad a bad turn..and things need to be put in order..
I'm a last of breed....only 2 out of four left...
Only two left, because one has been dead to Me..and if ever within reach, to everyone else as well..
I have these moments of clarity, so perfect of answers..
Only Two Possibilities...
Intervention
Or
Insanity

So,I remember the sins of the father, and that explains a shit ton..Because there's no way God dislikes me this much..just can't be..
I mean I would have to be a preme, that died from crib death twice, born in a Hospital, built on an Indian burial ground..
Just Not Possible...!!

There's something to be said about someone...When they fight so hard to live, after they're danced with suicide for Years...
Z...

 

[ozraelised]

I am so sorry to see how hard you are struggling. Keep on going. Life is an amazing god's gift.

 

[Durro]

I texted my daughter earlier, to please not mention how ill I am to my grandkids..and I'll limit my time with them ..so it won't be so obvious..
But...
The course has mad a bad turn..and things need to be put in order..
I'm a last of breed....only 2 out of four left...
Only two left, because one has been dead to Me..and if ever within reach, to everyone else as well..
I have these moments of clarity, so perfect of answers..
Only Two Possibilities...
Intervention
Or
Insanity

So,I remember the sins of the father, and that explains a shit ton..Because there's no way God dislikes me this much..just can't be..
I mean I would have to be a preme, that died from crib death twice, born in a Hospital, built on an Indian burial ground..
Just Not Possible...!!

There's something to be said about someone...When they fight so hard to live, after they're danced with suicide for Years...
Z...

You are a saint z we are blessed to have you on this board. If you haven’t seen the movie (great one must see) Father Stu all priests suffer in some way. You will be rewarded god bless you.

 

[zionoir626]

I'm no Saint..infact many would say the opposite...
I spent most of my life learning how to hurt people..got pretty good at it..
Nothing Noble about that..
Then C came, and I'm just lost..

Brothers
I wish I could tell you all I'm winning..
Nothing could be farther from the Truth..
Told the only good Dr. today, please just try to get me to January..I have things to do..
I've come full circle and know now.
WHY..
I'm going home soon friends...
God knows I'm so tired..

Been..One Hell of a Ride.
Cheers.........
Not
Z...

 

[Dogs_of_War]

praying for you brother. I know I’ve lost family members. If I may say I do disagree with limiting your time with grandkids. I know you’re being strong for them, but I think maybe now is the time to spend anytime you can with them. Take care of yourself!!!!

 

[zionoir626]

It's a tuff call...
I see that look in everyone else's eyes, can't bare it in my kids..
At some point..there are no good decisions..
Just tuff calls..and the odds are continuely dropping..
Just trying to grind thru another phase..
Each one harder, and longer..Each one, leaves you with less..

Not sure what round it is or month..
Trying to rest just a little..

 

[GYMnTONIC]

How ya feeling today sir, any better?

 

[Koolio]

I watched my father slowly slip away over 8 years knowing there was nothing I could do except visit and talk about old times...stay strong...

 

[bigrobbie]

Lost a battle the other day..
Sad,it took a huge chunk..
At what level,they and I just don't know..

Z...

What have doctor's said. UR pretty tough bro

 

[zionoir626]

Hey Robbie...
Just all in fighting...
Days now..more still ahead..

 

[TopDawg]

I have no experience personally with cancer, and I pray I never have to know it on a first hand basis. I have lost many to the evil that is cancer though. I also know many that have beaten the beast. One thing I have learned from them all; not one of us is born knowing how long we have to spend on this earth. We are not promised one second past this one.

Life is a precious gift. Before I notate the prized things about life, let me address a few things people consider negatives. Throughout life we will make mistakes. We will fail. We will disappoint ourselves and others. We are all flawed, and no one can change that.

The great thing about all of our failures and regrets is that lessons were presented to be learned, either for you or someone else, possibly both. I can assure you I have done some terrible things. I cannot turn back the hands of time, and what has been done has been done. What I can do now is see the value of life. I can strive to lead, help, encourage, teach, and ultimately love others. I can soak in the beauty of God's creation, and admire all I have been able to experience. I can invest in those around me and watch then progress, smile, laugh, and know what love is to the best of my ability.

I have made a statement many times, and I will make it again. We leave a lot of material things behind in life. For many those material things are their only focus. No one is truly remembered for the stuff they left behind. People are remembered for who they are as a person. The only true thing any person leaves on this earth as an inheritance to others is a legacy.

A person can have a corrupt past, and if that person acknowledged that and changes, people notice. The negative, ugly part fades away as the love shown to others takes over.

Z, I don't know what your future is. I do know Who is in control though. Like I stated earlier, no one knows how much time we truly have on this planet. You could have decades left, you do not know anything for certain. That says you can keep fighting. You can be a warrior.

Spend as much time with your family as you can. They may see a weaker physical man, but they will not see a weak person. Hold your head high and be proud. Tell stories that people need to hear. Make people laugh, including yourself. Despite the pain, enjoy the presence of those that love you and mean the most to you.

Right this very moment my sister in law is recovering after surgery. She just found out that she has stage 3 intestinal cancer. Her surgery was not the removal of the tumor, it was to help her remove waste from her body due to a complete blockage. Doctors aren't sure what to do with the tumor yet because of its size. They are simply trying to shrink it at this point. She is not in good shape at all. She isn't giving up though. She is staying positive and looking at every option. She has beaten cancer once before, and I believe she can do it again.

 

[zionoir626]

TD
Thanks...

 

[zionoir626]

Crawling out of this one..has not been easy..
But..
I'm doing it...I think anyway..

 

[rdm]

Crawling out of this one..has not been easy..
But..
I'm doing it...I think anyway..

One day at a time brother

 

[zionoir626]

Well it's been long enough..
We have exhausted every other option...
Other than Narcartics.
Was doing so good, eating good quality foods, no processed anything, nice and easy in the Gym,and feeling pretty good, considering..

Have to find some, better than average C Dr. , Orthopedic surgeon that's worth a shit..
Let me find out something showed up on 20+ CT Scans with contrast...

Just 5 minutes in an elevator..Please..
Sadly, it's way passed that, girl is off work again, due to my failing condition..
I'm sure they will find out why my WBC was a 43.5...just hope it's in time to push through..
Yep...43.5...I wish it was a typo..!!

My head is a whole other problem..since 2017..20-25 Falls, head impact..even have cracks in my skull...lol

This has been a rough yr..
Twice..I came too close..

My girl is solid now...she sees it first hand..
No Filter...it's ugly as Hell..
Fell of the toilet, while doing a No.2..
Who passes out shitting..??sitting..???

Anyway...
I'm never giving in...forever standing up before the Bell...Knowing once an ounce of doubt, fear and/or Rage inters...
It's Over...

Note:
Each and every time I've come close...I've been given a gift...hard too believe..
Fear of Death...in February ....
A calmer state of mind..two months ago..
And Now...hardly any past painful memories..of my PTSD..
..could have used the last one yrs ago...

So,here we are...
Facing unbeatable odds...
Down bedridden yet again...
I see sunlight, and I need it on my face...not from a window..
And Fighting with everything I Have Left...
Z...

 

[rdm]

Well it's been long enough..
We have exhausted every other option...
Other than Narcartics.
Was doing so good, eating good quality foods, no processed anything, nice and easy in the Gym,and feeling pretty good, considering..

Have to find some, better than average C Dr. , Orthopedic surgeon that's worth a shit..
Let me find out something showed up on 20+ CT Scans with contrast...

Just 5 minutes in an elevator..Please..
Sadly, it's way passed that, girl is off work again, due to my failing condition..
I'm sure they will find out why my WBC was a 43.5...just hope it's in time to push through..
Yep...43.5...I wish it was a typo..!!

My head is a whole other problem..since 2017..20-25 Falls, head impact..even have cracks in my skull...lol

This has been a rough yr..
Twice..I came too close..

My girl is solid now...she sees it first hand..
No Filter...it's ugly as Hell..
Fell of the toilet, while doing a No.2..
Who passes out shitting..??sitting..???

Anyway...
I'm never giving in...forever standing up before the Bell...Knowing once an ounce of doubt, fear and/or Rage inters...
It's Over...

Note:
Each and every time I've come close...I've been given a gift...hard too believe..
Fear of Death...in February ....
A calmer state of mind..two months ago..
And Now...hardly any past painful memories..of my PTSD..
..could have used the last one yrs ago...

So,here we are...
Facing unbeatable odds...
Down bedridden yet again...
I see sunlight, and I need it on my face...not from a window..
And Fighting with everything I Have Left...
Z...

Sending prayers