Fighting Depression..!!

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jrup1986

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I saw the devil himself Tuesday and I've been a bit down , I know I have to go to hell to free the lost souls . They'll be like moths to a flame because I'll be the only light in hell.

I've been training harder every day and i remember I am full of life and the devil isn't. It isn't easy for me but I have to go to hell again. I still do my miles daily and I speak to anyone who is willing to talk to me

My God won't allow me to fail and I'll be his flank when we meet . I'll bring all those lost souls with me

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zionoir626

zionoir626

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Unfortunately, death is a part of life..doesn't make it any easier..
It's a process we all have to go through..
My girl, Judy died in December from a massive cardiac arrest in the passenger seat on the way home..
I didn't even know she passed, it was silent and painless..
I did CPR for 10 minutes or so, until the Fire Department took over..two more rounds..
We brought her back..but I didn't get to Her fast enough..
Too much brain damage..after a week on life support, we pulled the plug..she lasted 12 hours..
One of the Hardest days of my life..
I still have Guilt because I feel like I failed her..
One heavy ass stone I carry..

Life is not always easy..it can be horrible and cruel AF..
BUT...
Beautiful and Stunning as Well..
Often..it's how you see it..!!
Z...
 
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jrup1986

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zionoir626 said:
Unfortunately, death is a part of life..doesn't make it any easier..
It's a process we all have to go through..
My girl, Judy died in December from a massive cardiac arrest in the passenger seat on the way home..
I didn't even know she passed, it was silent and painless..
I did CPR for 10 minutes or so, until the Fire Department took over..two more rounds..
We brought her back..but I didn't get to Her fast enough..
Too much brain damage..after a week on life support, we pulled the plug..she lasted 12 hours..
One of the Hardest days of my life..
I still have Guilt because I feel like I failed her..
One heavy ass stone I carry..

Life is not always easy..it can be horrible and cruel AF..
BUT...
Beautiful and Stunning as Well..
Often..it's how you see it..!!
Z...
Click to expand...
I don't know if you think I'm just being nuts when I talk religion but I saved my dad from hell . He was trapped and I went there and told him follow me ..I flipped off the devil and told him FUCK YOU IM STRONGER THAN YOU. That's what happens when you grew up south side of Chicago. The devil doesn't scare you. He just saddens you. . He is the loss of hope . He is sadness and despair ..he is the lack of life .



I went to hell on August 11 this year. Shortly there after jesus returned. He touched down on earth on August 12 late at night. That was 339 days after queen Elizabeth died . The king of kings returned.

Does anyone remember what tesla said about the universe being 3s and 9s ?
2aef5c7ee810cc86578565e5da0140fb.jpg


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Great thread z man. I have been ridin the roller coaster for too damn many years. Todays has been one of the worst and i really dont know why. Maybe its that my daughter has gone off to college makin a mofo feel old or empty. Idk. What i do know is i got some great family here on this forum that keeps me goin. Thank you fam
 
zionoir626

zionoir626

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In my time here at ASF... I don't think I've seen a finer community..
We may not get along, agree or even care for one another..
BUT...
We come together for our, not just members but their families as Well..
Now..that's unique and rare..!!

This last year or so...
We've pulled together like a Family to help some people in Need..
I have found myself recommending ASF to lifters that don't juice, because it's Way More than that..
So Much More..!!

I have really noticed the Vast knowledge of more and more members...and the willingness to truly help others..

We are all still learning..helping others..and Inspiring even more Members..

One of my biggest joys belongings to ASF..
Is showing Dale C's family....We love them..
Chandra had no idea how loved Dale was Here..
She does now..!!
I'm sure her two young daughters know Too...!!!

The Main Reason I started Posting Threads about Mental Illness....
To Never Loose another member...!!
Not One....!!

I know this can be done...
Because it was done for Me..
By many here today..
I can never repay that debt..Can't even come close..
BUT...
What I can do....
Is Play it Forward....

Inspire others to join in on a worthy cause..
Strengthening from Within.
Shedding some light on sensitive topics that Hit Home Hard...for a great many..

I'm most pleased this month's Thread hit a home run..
Threads I hope guys yrs down the road will read and cherish..
And, if we derail One from doing the unthinkable..!!
Job Well Done..ASF..
ZION
 
Powerhousehb

Powerhousehb

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Deezo said:
You too man, we have spoken before.... I don't know how you do it dealing with your losses... (God Is Great) You are stronger than most here... Lots of respect for you.... Take it easy brother......
Click to expand...
I deal with my losses like anybody else. I cry, I blame, I heal, I have regrets. I try to move forward. I abuse drugs because the pain is to strong. There are many people stronger than me. Like my buddy Big Z. That's a strong brother! Lots of respect to you to Deezo....
 
Powerhousehb

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Deeman said:
Great thread z man. I have been ridin the roller coaster for too damn many years. Todays has been one of the worst and i really dont know why. Maybe its that my daughter has gone off to college makin a mofo feel old or empty. Idk. What i do know is i got some great family here on this forum that keeps me goin. Thank you fam
Click to expand...
That's a hard one when you're child finally leaves home to create there own path. Sorry your having a tough day brother. I encourage you to vent on this thread with your feelings if needed. If your married or have a gf seek comfort with them knowing tomorrow will be a better day.
 
SiliconeSack

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tommygunz said:
I moved across this country from one coast to the other to be near him.
I am spending time with my mom now and trying to be there for her.
Right now that’s about the best I’ve got.
Click to expand...

Just a little advice. Don’t forget to take care of yourself In the process. For two years I focused on everyone else and lost myself even more.


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SiliconeSack

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zionoir626 said:
Unfortunately, death is a part of life..doesn't make it any easier..
It's a process we all have to go through..
My girl, Judy died in December from a massive cardiac arrest in the passenger seat on the way home..
I didn't even know she passed, it was silent and painless..
I did CPR for 10 minutes or so, until the Fire Department took over..two more rounds..
We brought her back..but I didn't get to Her fast enough..
Too much brain damage..after a week on life support, we pulled the plug..she lasted 12 hours..
One of the Hardest days of my life..
I still have Guilt because I feel like I failed her..
One heavy ass stone I carry..

Life is not always easy..it can be horrible and cruel AF..
BUT...
Beautiful and Stunning as Well..
Often..it's how you see it..!!
Z...
Click to expand...

I couldn’t even imagine. My dad died the same way. Went out to dinner with my step mom at Golden Coral. After dinner he sat on the tail gate to smoke a cig and just fell over. My step mom had no idea what to do and it took almost 30 min for an ambulance to get there.

If your anything like me I would assume you blame yourself from time to time. I do and I wasn’t there. Just have the medical knowledge to recognize and know what to do. If you do try to remember it’s not on you, it was just time.

Sorry to hear about your lose and all the shit you have had to deal with and that’s to everyone here. I tend to get lost in my own hard times and forget others are having them too. Being able to talk to you guys and hear others are as well helps me realize, things blow but hard times are apart of life and everyone has them. We have to be strong and push through.


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Milford King

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Life is definitely a meat grinder … haven’t really felt depressed in a long time, still sometimes get angry at shit that I shouldn’t…. But the other day I was like a walking zombie…. Might have been a mild panic attack.

Schools back in session and the kids get sick like always and whenever my daughter starts having symptoms I get all sorts of fucked up feeling. I told my wife I feel like the cancer is chasing her. She gets routine blood work to ease our minds but it makes me so anxious .. told the wife this past week I feel more depressed than I have in a long time. Got too much shit to get done to dwell on it though.

Gotta keep moving.

Thanks for your time.
 
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jrup1986

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Milford King said:
Life is definitely a meat grinder … haven’t really felt depressed in a long time, still sometimes get angry at shit that I shouldn’t…. But the other day I was like a walking zombie…. Might have been a mild panic attack.

Schools back in session and the kids get sick like always and whenever my daughter starts having symptoms I get all sorts of fucked up feeling. I told my wife I feel like the cancer is chasing her. She gets routine blood work to ease our minds but it makes me so anxious .. told the wife this past week I feel more depressed than I have in a long time. Got too much shit to get done to dwell on it though.

Gotta keep moving.

Thanks for your time.
Click to expand...
Walk backwards bro. It'll be OK

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zionoir626

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SiliconeSack said:
I couldn’t even imagine. My dad died the same way. Went out to dinner with my step mom at Golden Coral. After dinner he sat on the tail gate to smoke a cig and just fell over. My step mom had no idea what to do and it took almost 30 min for an ambulance to get there.

If your anything like me I would assume you blame yourself from time to time. I do and I wasn’t there. Just have the medical knowledge to recognize and know what to do. If you do try to remember it’s not on you, it was just time.

Sorry to hear about your lose and all the shit you have had to deal with and that’s to everyone here. I tend to get lost in my own hard times and forget others are having them too. Being able to talk to you guys and hear others are as well helps me realize, things blow but hard times are apart of life and everyone has them. We have to be strong and push through.


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Click to expand...

Oh Yeah Brother...
I beat myself up pretty bad on that One...
I doubt I'll ever fully forgive myself..
I have come to some Peace with it, but it still haunts the shit out of Me..

Personally, I'm built to turn all of that painful shit...
Into Fuel....
Fuel to burn in the Gym, to get up each and everyday and Fight C...Head On..!!
The Iron...is my release valve..
My mind runs images of painful past thoughts...I stir up that Fire in my chest, and Damn that crap Burns Hot...
BUT...
An hour and a half later...
All the Pain is Gone..!!
Till it returns again..

We all have to find what Works for Us..
Positive Methods..
Not alcohol or drugs..or self-destructive behavior..
I've drug myself across concrete for years...loathing in self-hate and isolation..
Years I can never get back..

Many of you here know, I fall down at times and start down that Dead End Road...
The one you don't return from..!!!

But..
There's always someone out there with bigger problems..
And, they're making it work..
I'm sure they have shit days too..
But, Listening to others that hold it together in the heat of it All...Makes my problems a little less..sometimes a lot Less..

It's kinda like...
Today I lean on TG...
Tomorrow TG leans on Me..
And we collectively make it through the Shit..
That's the Idea..Anyway..!!
No Man is an Island..
And, We All Need Help at Times...
Z...
 
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Jbswole40 said:
Plenty of highs & lows..Can't find a medium, I act out when I'm low,it serves no purpose, I only hurt people around me bcus I'm feeling down..I realize what I am doing after the fact..coping skills is something I lack..when u born,raised and live in chaos it becomes normal.being at peace is something I'm not used to..I want to find it..I'm getting to old for all the conflicts, drama,etc..it's extremely exhausting..
Click to expand...
I understand exactly swole. I always got your back
 
Fletcher

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heckler7 said:
interesting, I guess that blows that theory
Click to expand...
1000002709.jpg
😄
On a serious note... having a bunch of chicks to nail is only fun while you are nailing them and has zero impact on depression outside of that space.
*can also make it worse bc those bitches don't love you. 🤷
 
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I received my first hug this yeae last Sunday from a woman at church . Today I recieved 3 from her and got a kiss on the cheek.
I am happy she told me she was married other wise I would have given her my number

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zionoir626

zionoir626

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Seriously, all Bullshit aside..
If you or someone you know, is going down "That" rabbit hole..
Please..Talk to someone or Reach out to a Hot Line and Get off that One Way street..

Depression is a very huge problem in the world Today..
It's non Discriminate, it can happen to Anyone at Anytime..!!

I've had my time down that Road...just recently too..!!
Life's shit can pile up quick and seem unmanageable..
One of the closest person in my life..took her Life at 20..
Something I would have never believed..
Ariel was her name..some of you might remember my post yrs ago about what happened..
She meant the World to Me..and many others..!!
A beautiful light to Many..
Now,gone forever..!!
I'd take a thousand eternities in Hell..to bring her Back..
When all it probably took was a simple phone call or text..

That's a Stone I will forever carry..!!
To remind me...not to let it happen Again..!!!
ZION
 
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