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Custom's Corner: Interview with Procard

custom

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Get Shredded!
Custom's Corner is brought to you by Twinkies.
Commercial: You can eat a lot of Twinkies while prepping for a show just ask Procard. When you're tweaking just think Twinkies all day long!

Custom: Hello everyone and please give a warm welcome to 2 time IBFF procard champion PROCARD
Custom: Welcome to the shoe Procard
Procard: Thanks. I'm sure you're glad to have me on.
Custom: So Procard let's get right to it. Do you really know Rich's mom?
Procard: Not only do I know her I fathered her child.
Custom: Do you mean you're now saying you are Rich's dad?
Procard: That's right P.O.O.P. We met in high school and Rich was the product of our love.
Custom: Please on the show it's just Custom
Procard: As usual I have no proof of that. You'll have to take my word. I've never lied to anyone here ever
Custom: You seem to know a lot of things and people do you have any other secrets you might enlighten us with?
Procard: I know who really shot Kennedy and also where Amelia Earheart's plane went down.
Procard: I also already have my procard but felt stupid saying so since most of these guys will never make it on stage.
Custom: So a quick recap. Not only do you know Christine you are also the father of Rich. You know who killed Kennedy and you know where Amelia Earhart's plane is. Correct?
Procard: Correct.
Custom: So if I ask you to show us some proof of the above statements can you provide it to us?
Procard: I wrote the info down on a piece of paper about Kennedy and Earhart and locked it in my safe with my procard, unfortunately I lost the key.
Custom: You can't remember what you wrote down?
Porcard: At 74 your mind seems to start to slip away.
Custom: Can you tell us at least how you got your procard?
Procard: I sent in 50 proof of purchase of Wheaties to Wheaties that's how. They had a promo back in the 70's
Custom: Excuse me a minute there is someone knocking at the door BRB.
Custom: I'm back it was a carrier from Letter Gram and it's from Mighty Mouse he would also like to tell you that you are full of shit. He's in the middle of another ASF video and couldn't comment on your thread last night
Procard: Who's he?
Custom: Never mind
Custom: So lets talk about the family income. Seems like your wife is the bread winner now so can you tell us how you met?
Procard: We met on location of a German scat movie called "Muddy River" I was a boom man and she was a fluff girl.
Custom: They have Fluff girls in Scat movies?
Procard: Well it's more like a stand in. Two people rehearse the scene before shooting.
Custom: Is there poopie involved?
Procard: Of course, they need to get the scene right you know they only got one shot. I mean how much shit can one guy produce.
Custom: I guess you never met Gunrack have you.
Custom: Well we are out of time folks please join us again real soon.
Procard: I just like to say one thing. Custom fits right in with Steelgear. He's a scammer he promised me limo service with Champagne and Twinkies. I had to call an Uber to get here.
Custom: And you'll be calling one to get back home
 

Procard

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Custom's Corner is brought to you by Twinkies.
Commercial: You can eat a lot of Twinkies while prepping for a show just ask Procard. When you're tweaking just think Twinkies all day long!

Custom: Hello everyone and please give a warm welcome to 2 time IBFF procard champion PROCARD
Custom: Welcome to the shoe Procard
Procard: Thanks. I'm sure you're glad to have me on.
Custom: So Procard let's get right to it. Do you really know Rich's mom?
Procard: Not only do I know her I fathered her child.
Custom: Do you mean you're now saying you are Rich's dad?
Procard: That's right P.O.O.P. We met in high school and Rich was the product of our love.
Custom: Please on the show it's just Custom
Procard: As usual I have no proof of that. You'll have to take my word. I've never lied to anyone here ever
Custom: You seem to know a lot of things and people do you have any other secrets you might enlighten us with?
Procard: I know who really shot Kennedy and also where Amelia Earheart's plane went down.
Procard: I also already have my procard but felt stupid saying so since most of these guys will never make it on stage.
Custom: So a quick recap. Not only do you know Christine you are also the father of Rich. You know who killed Kennedy and you know where Amelia Earhart's plane is. Correct?
Procard: Correct.
Custom: So if I ask you to show us some proof of the above statements can you provide it to us?
Procard: I wrote the info down on a piece of paper about Kennedy and Earhart and locked it in my safe with my procard, unfortunately I lost the key.
Custom: You can't remember what you wrote down?
Porcard: At 74 your mind seems to start to slip away.
Custom: Can you tell us at least how you got your procard?
Procard: I sent in 50 proof of purchase of Wheaties to Wheaties that's how. They had a promo back in the 70's
Custom: Excuse me a minute there is someone knocking at the door BRB.
Custom: I'm back it was a carrier from Letter Gram and it's from Mighty Mouse he would also like to tell you that you are full of shit. He's in the middle of another ASF video and couldn't comment on your thread last night
Procard: Who's he?
Custom: Never mind
Custom: So lets talk about the family income. Seems like your wife is the bread winner now so can you tell us how you met?
Procard: We met on location of a German scat movie called "Muddy River" I was a boom man and she was a fluff girl.
Custom: They have Fluff girls in Scat movies?
Procard: Well it's more like a stand in. Two people rehearse the scene before shooting.
Custom: Is there poopie involved?
Procard: Of course, they need to get the scene right you know they only got one shot. I mean how much shit can one guy produce.
Custom: I guess you never met Gunrack have you.
Custom: Well we are out of time folks please join us again real soon.
Procard: I just like to say one thing. Custom fits right in with Steelgear. He's a scammer he promised me limo service with Champagne and Twinkies. I had to call an Uber to get here.
Custom: And you'll be calling one to get back home

Dang, how much time did you spend on that? I like it. Apparently I am renting a huge space in your head. I am actually starting to feel a bit bad for you.
 

Procard

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However, people are not going to understand the context, and for that reason we should keep posting in our main thread. It is about to make 8 pages.
 

hj2

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Your secret is out. Twinkies and Wheaties before a show. Thanks


no shit, look at his gunt

sbwIxr.png






giphy.gif
 

MindlessWork

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This interview got me rolling so hard! Thanks Custom for making this one possible...so funny.
 

HFO3

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mastiff

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Custom love these and this was long overdue. Constructive criticism though I know you were in a hurry but fuck man double space between the convo :D. My eyes were squinting with it all jumbled together. Other than that great installment though :winkfinger:.
 

Killionb12

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Freaking hilarious. Thanks for the entertainment!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Milford King

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You guys are fucking brutal .... lmao


we should all get together sometime... shots on me!
 

Procard

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There's people in YOUR head living rent free my friend I can tell :roflmao:

The only people living in my head are the 4 Psychiatrists. Keep the discussion there, I want to break 10 pages.

And yes, I know about the gunt. The The regional NPC VP told me if I could get that under control I will place much, much higher. That is why I knew I would do pooly at nationals I have changed my ab training. I used to train them for martial arts, and the ability to take full impact shots to the stomach. That means as thick and strong as possible. Of course that is bad for body building.

I no longer train them that way. What I do is hit 10 hard vacuum poses every day. Doing so strengthens the TVA, the muscle that holds your stomach in I also eat less than I used to. I have made excellent progress. However, even with tighter abs I doubt I could get my card in the Masters division. In 3 years I move on to the Grand Masters division.
 

custom

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The only people living in my head are the 4 Psychiatrists. Keep the discussion there, I want to break 10 pages.

And yes, I know about the gunt. The The regional NPC VP told me if I could get that under control I will place much, much higher. That is why I knew I would do pooly at nationals I have changed my ab training. I used to train them for martial arts, and the ability to take full impact shots to the stomach. That means as thick and strong as possible. Of course that is bad for body building.

I no longer train them that way. What I do is hit 10 hard vacuum poses every day. Doing so strengthens the TVA, the muscle that holds your stomach in I also eat less than I used to. I have made excellent progress. However, even with tighter abs I doubt I could get my card in the Masters division. In 3 years I move on to the Grand Masters division.
Well I guess your theory about not dieting in wrong lol
 

MindlessWork

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Protard's the best thing this board has right now for comedy lmao
 

Procard

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Well I guess your theory about not dieting in wrong lol

I was 4% b fat. The reaity is that my abs were distended. Of course diet is key, but I was 4%. I have never touched slin, I was just always a big eater, often a pig.
IO stopped al direct ab training, and when I do cardio I step off and do a vacume pose. At first I cold not do it but agfter month I have made significant progress. Even if I did not srhink the abs, I strengthened my Transvers Abdominals. What that has done is make it very very easy to hold my abs in.

I should have started doing them decades ago before I ever got bubblegut. 43 years of training and I am still learning new things.
 

Procard

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Protard's the best thing this board has right now for comedy lmao

I got that thread up to 12 pages. I had a bet going that I would get it up to 10 pages, so the last 2 are gravy. and I appreciate your help.
 

Procard

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Here is my favorite part: So lets talk about the family income. Seems like your wife is the bread winner now so can you tell us how you met?
Procard: We met on location of a German scat movie called "Muddy River" I was a boom man and she was a fluff girl.
Custom: They have Fluff girls in Scat movies?
Procard: Well it's more like a stand in. Two people rehearse the scene before shooting.
Custom: Is there poopie involved?
Procard: Of course, they need to get the scene right you know they only got one shot. I mean how much shit can one guy produce.
Custom: I guess you never met Gunrack have you.
Custom: Well we are out of time folks please join us again real soon.

One mistake, I was the camera man not the boom man. Otherwise his is some quality stuff, please continue.

- - - Updated - - -

Oh, and I have video of her rejecting me.
 

chocolatemalt

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The only people living in my head are the 4 Psychiatrists. Keep the discussion there, I want to break 10 pages.

And yes, I know about the gunt. The The regional NPC VP told me if I could get that under control I will place much, much higher. That is why I knew I would do pooly at nationals I have changed my ab training. I used to train them for martial arts, and the ability to take full impact shots to the stomach. That means as thick and strong as possible. Of course that is bad for body building.

I no longer train them that way. What I do is hit 10 hard vacuum poses every day. Doing so strengthens the TVA, the muscle that holds your stomach in I also eat less than I used to. I have made excellent progress. However, even with tighter abs I doubt I could get my card in the Masters division. In 3 years I move on to the Grand Masters division.

So I'm gonna go a little serious here, which I apologize for since this thread is pure fucked up comedy but...

Having abs and a gut at the same time is certainly visceral fat ruining your day. And that's caused by carbs (sugars especially, less so with starches) and cortisol... i.e. stress. A combo of both. So, reining in that stress and sugar would likely eliminate the gut.

Have you tried it?
 

Jswole220

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So I'm gonna go a little serious here, which I apologize for since this thread is pure fucked up comedy but...

Having abs and a gut at the same time is certainly visceral fat ruining your day. And that's caused by carbs (sugars especially, less so with starches) and cortisol... i.e. stress. A combo of both. So, reining in that stress and sugar would likely eliminate the gut.

Have you tried it?
he’s the real deal. If he wants all he has to do is stand in the mirror and say mindset 3x and his mid section would instantly turn into a perfect 12 pack.
 

biggerben69

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So I'm gonna go a little serious here, which I apologize for since this thread is pure fucked up comedy but...

Having abs and a gut at the same time is certainly visceral fat ruining your day. And that's caused by carbs (sugars especially, less so with starches) and cortisol... i.e. stress. A combo of both. So, reining in that stress and sugar would likely eliminate the gut.

Have you tried it?

If he's interested in a short cut...Egrifta, marketed, but not manufactured by, EMD Serono. Scripted to significantly reduce visceral fat that is seen in HIV-AIDS patients brought on by a particular coarse of treatment given to combat the Wasting Syndrome associated with HIV-AIDS.

Very funny. Logged on last night and caught the original thread with Rich and his Mom in it. Not trying to be a hater, Procard, but your bet and claiming victory in your quest to get that thread to 10 pgs is going to have to be recorded with an asterik** next to it.....your own posts account for more than 40% of the total posts.
May I suggest an independent audit to recount posts without yours included to see how many pg's are really in play....I'd hate for your twilight years to mired in controversy. Best wishes.
 

CompoundLifts31

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I would think all my training was wasted if my stomach looked like that.
I admire you for sticking up for yourself against everyone procard. Not easy here.

Sent from my moto g(6) play using Tapatalk
 

Vision

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And he claims he is a striking coach..lmao..

He has zero fluidity and his other video was just as awful.. zero hissing when striking, failure to follow threw with the back kick and his recovery after landing was non existing and sad watch.. No hips or toe pivoting on the cut kick/low leg kick, hands dropping, the list goes on..

He brags about NAGA, which 9 year olds even do.. Naga is the lowest tier of any grappling association. Now if he mentioned grapples quest, or even Pan-ams, IBJJF or IBJJF no-gi worlds and ADCC maybe he would have some bragging rights with a resume.
Procard probably did NAGA senior division mens beginner with maybe 2-3 competitors that entered (stacked bracket lol)

Common Procard, how many "super-fights" you have?

Master Renzo gave procard a blue belt the first time he met him? LMFAO
 

Sherk

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And he claims he is a striking coach..lmao..

He has zero fluidity and his other video was just as awful.. zero hissing when striking, failure to follow threw with the back kick and his recovery after landing was non existing and sad watch.. No hips or toe pivoting on the cut kick/low leg kick, hands dropping, the list goes on..

He brags about NAGA, which 9 year olds even do.. Naga is the lowest tier of any grappling association. Now if he mentioned grapples quest, or even Pan-ams, IBJJF or IBJJF no-gi worlds and ADCC maybe he would have some bragging rights with a resume.
Procard probably did NAGA senior division mens beginner with maybe 2-3 competitors that entered (stacked bracket lol)

Common Procard, how many "super-fights" you have?

Master Renzo gave procard a blue belt the first time he met him? LMFAO

But yet he has no pics or evidence of Renzo Gracie honoring him with the blue belt. That would be a huge honor and accomplishment to have that happen after your very first roll with him. You would think you’d have a pic with him and getting your belt. Let me guess, this was back before cell phones and no one had a camera? Or was there another excuse?


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