Cant Look Back Now


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Feb 18, 2016
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Get Shredded!
I once posted a transformation pic of myself with the caption sometimes you have to step back to appreciate how far youve come. At the time I was really just comparing a couple of before and after pics and although the pics represented the hard work put into the transformation I realized that caption meant alot more than that. I just couldnt have known it at the moment.
Having endured one of the roughest stretches as a parent and bodybuilder this last year started with such great intention especially having had missed the entire 2017 year due to my knee I felt like I would be back even better for 2018 and was well on track to do so. Meanwhile it seemed as if while my goal in all the progressed my family life was taking a nose dive. For months it was just shit but I kept on grinding it out.
Enter the 36th Chamber....
You ever feel like you got a handle on life only to be reminded you are really on borrowed time?
So while logging on here daily and putting in the work and trying to maintain my sanity enter lifes plan. A few months ago when Flu season was around I caught it and was sidelined about a week but couldnt eat or any of it...during this time we had already decided it was time to keep it moving and sell our place. With the hopes and excitement and feeling like I was about to press the reset button enter life yet youngest son gets arrested! Keep in mind by this time ive emptied the house and already knew my competition schedule was thrown off as well, so I am literally taking it day by day waiting for the closing on our place. Trying to eat as decent as I can (knowing the best I eat is at home but everything is packed and ready for the move) During this time I am still maintaining myself in the gym and preparing for a new prep schedule, only to find out I was dropped by the source I was logging for (and honestly it takes nothing away from them at all nor is this a negative thing just comes with the territory) so if your keeping up at this point things are just shit. The only comfort was knowing there was another chapter on the way.
Don't Call It a Comeback..
At this point ive just been cruising on Test and Var really just holding myself together until I can really get my shit right again. The reality is though you cant half ass this when you have a stage goal. Its just not possible so in all honesty while still looking better than most I knew I was losing sharpness fast. More than anything it was just becoming clear that mentally it was all becoming too much to try and maintain at once. The details, so many fucking details, soo many moving pieces while trying to prep just didnt add up. So after 2 straight years of logging daily and grinding it out with one goal in mind, it stopped. As quick as I walked into a Golds I literally let it go. Dont get me wrong I had still been moving some weight around but not with any intensity or goal in mind. It was half ass at best.
Fuck your mirrors..
With every meal and day I could look at myself and see the changes to the point that rather feeling defeated I was getting eager to transform myself back to the stage. (now although I dont have pics truth is im still havent fallen off to the point where its really noticeable, I just know its not competition ready) I would say im at around 210lbs up from around 203lbs.
I get over the idea of losing gains really quick because once youve done something once you know the recipe to create it again so that didnt weigh on me. I was more concerned with what was to come. So im happy to say during this time I am eating whatever in the hell I want. Although I cant stand pizza anymore I put that down with chinese, burgers, chicken fried steak, you name it fellas, all the shit you swore off was back in my life. I enjoyed going out to eat with my wife and at this point my younger son was coming around again. So for once in months my family life is feeling as normal as could be expected. Im not tripping about the time off but meanwhile still planning for the stage.
Before I get to that I have to take a moment and mention this, but I was concerned about coming off this last cycle pretty much cold turkey (or in my eyes at least) I didnt run a PCT as I knew I would still be back on cycle soon, so again I was curious how my physical and mental state would react. Little by little the jealousy from the Tren faded and I found myself to be far less emotional. I wasnt crying at puppy dogs in chick flicks anymore! But the real surprise is the HUGE increase in my libido. My balls began to fill my sack again and I have got admit I have been cumming buckets. More than while on any gear or dick enhancement pill. Im talking porno loads and 3-4 times a day!
Dont believe the hype..
Well the day comes and goes and on such a trip I have plenty off time to reflect on my plan while snacking on Mcdonalds nuggets in the middle of nowhere. Finally I get to my new place and life is amazing. Its like that scene in American Beauty when the kid is talking about the trash bag being too much beauty at once. Im here to tell you life is like that. I wake up surrounded by beauty with my wife and youngest son. Although I had to leave one of my most loved dogs behind with my oldest son I still have my pitbulls and other mutts along with me which makes life even greater. My first week I found a gym and went in for a quick workout. Still rocking my Golds stringer I am rough around the edges but again better than the average dude but we arent looking for average in this are we? As im working out I look around and from the dudes to the chicks this is a whole different level. Its during this exact moment that fire is lit. I realized right then and there I would have to be ready to slay giants. For all intents and purposes I accept I am starting from scratch. I havent been back since. I told myself I would take the last few days to mentally prep but more so enjoy the the peace this chapter has brought.
Although ive been enjoying the days and time and having fun with making our new place home and all the things that go along with that I have been plotting and scheming on what needs to be done. I go to sleep thinking about being in the gym back on point and having all the confidence of a fucking Silver Back Gorilla! I wake up daydreaming about a holding a cup and looking back and thinking all the shit ive endured to get to this one fucking place for this one fucking $10 trophy! Its the really is what defines you. Ive come too far to look back and know that whatever I was before isnt enough for who I have to become now.

And here we are fellas, back where it all started. I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be and ready to move mountains. Today is the first day of the rest of your lives..what are you going to do with it?
Life is good and just like bodybuilding you only get out what you put in!

In my case, ive walked thru hell to end up in heaven and today marks the payback. Day one of the new cycle starts today. TIME TO GO TO WORK!

**I want to thank everyone who has ever taken the time to read one word ive written on this forum. Your support and in some cases hate has often been the fuel in this race!


Jul 20, 2015
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Good read brother. Bundy your a good dude. I'm glad your feeling good.