• Hello, please REGISTER and become a member of our community! You will then be able to start threads, post comments and send messages to other members. Thanks!

Anyone with law enforcement/legal experience?

MonsterMaker

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
2,972
Reaction score
1,767
Points
113
Get Shredded!
Could really use some advice on how to handle some past abuse issues and the role it may or may not play in a divorce. Not gonna spill the details on the open forum but if you fit the criteria and wouldn’t mind PM’ing me I would be extremely grateful.

Tia


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Augustine5I

Carpet-Chewer
Registered Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
8,339
Reaction score
5,246
Points
113
If you live in a no fault state… you don’t need a reason for a divorce.

And I don’t think it will matter who did what to whom as it relates to a divorce. Everyone has stories.

Unless it’s concerning kids and custody. Then you prove she is negligent and unfit… towards your kids. That’s not easy bro.

Mom’s get the kids most of the time.

IMO, divorce and “play” nice. Get out with your freedom. Maintain a good friendly relationship for the sake of your kids.

Be prepared for a lot of hurt. But grow and learn from it.
 

TheOldJJdigs

SB Labs
Board Rep
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
3,706
Reaction score
1,939
Points
113
If you live in a no fault state… you don’t need a reason for a divorce.

And I don’t think it will matter who did what to whom as it relates to a divorce. Everyone has stories.

Unless it’s concerning kids and custody. Then you prove she is negligent and unfit… towards your kids. That’s not easy bro.

Mom’s get the kids most of the time.

IMO, divorce and “play” nice. Get out with your freedom. Maintain a good friendly relationship for the sake of your kids.

Be prepared for a lot of hurt. But grow and learn from it.
This could not be closer to the truth if he tried. It’s spot on information. My divorce… I was lucky to get out with my sanity. Now she has the kids, I see them when I see them when it’s my time and I keep her on a friendly basis to avoid any issues. I stopped caring what’s right or wrong… I just let her do her thing and I’m there for my kids. Financially and emotionally and in a father capacity. I could tell you stories for days of the fcked up ish that woman did to me and the things she said In court. At the end of the day they’re viewed as stories and the courts don’t really care (Not all situations but most).

good luck brother either way
 

Augustine5I

Carpet-Chewer
Registered Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
8,339
Reaction score
5,246
Points
113
This could not be closer to the truth if he tried. It’s spot on information. My divorce… I was lucky to get out with my sanity. Now she has the kids, I see them when I see them when it’s my time and I keep her on a friendly basis to avoid any issues. I stopped caring what’s right or wrong… I just let her do her thing and I’m there for my kids. Financially and emotionally and in a father capacity. I could tell you stories for days of the fcked up ish that woman did to me and the things she said In court. At the end of the day they’re viewed as stories and the courts don’t really care (Not all situations but most).

good luck brother either way

By playing nice, I got to see my son 3 to 4 days a week.

She didn’t give a shit. Loved her freedom and I gave it to her.

Most guys see there kids 4 days a month. That’s crap.

You can’t really know them when you hardly see them.

Take what the court mandated. Then slowly work on getting a day during the week.

Then one day every weekend. Keep pushing a little.

My ex loved the extra time with her new husband. More time to drink and fuck.

Maybe you get lucky like I did and have more time.

It’s worth it.
 

zionoir626

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2013
Messages
7,152
Reaction score
4,974
Points
113
I filled twice for divorce...tried to work it out after the 1st one...it didn't..
This was back in the 90's...I got both kids,house,everything BUT child support...

After 4 hrs...jury trail for child support...if you can believe it..I got Nothing..
If the roles were reversed...boy I would be living in a tent...still...

I have yet to see a friendly divorce...Once they talk to Every Fucking Gfriend and thier mother...You are Fucked..

Tread softly...
Z...
 

MonsterMaker

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
2,972
Reaction score
1,767
Points
113
If you live in a no fault state… you don’t need a reason for a divorce.

And I don’t think it will matter who did what to whom as it relates to a divorce. Everyone has stories.

Unless it’s concerning kids and custody. Then you prove she is negligent and unfit… towards your kids. That’s not easy bro.

Mom’s get the kids most of the time.

IMO, divorce and “play” nice. Get out with your freedom. Maintain a good friendly relationship for the sake of your kids.

Be prepared for a lot of hurt. But grow and learn from it.

Thanks guys. Ya Augustine, I wouldn’t go through with the divorce unless I was 100% sure I would get the kids full custody. Giving her past I just can’t trust her with the kids with out me there to oversee everything.

So looks like we’re gonna make it work. I’m ok with that I guess. She really is trying to do the best she can and make up for what she’s done, but at the end of the day it’s just hard to be happy and not angry for what she’s done… guess it’s something I’m gonna have to figure out.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

IronRage

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Jul 26, 2014
Messages
3,412
Reaction score
1,926
Points
113
By playing nice, I got to see my son 3 to 4 days a week.

She didn’t give a shit. Loved her freedom and I gave it to her.

Most guys see there kids 4 days a month. That’s crap.

You can’t really know them when you hardly see them.

Take what the court mandated. Then slowly work on getting a day during the week.

Then one day every weekend. Keep pushing a little.

My ex loved the extra time with her new husband. More time to drink and fuck.

Maybe you get lucky like I did and have more time.

It’s worth it.
Mine played out the same way, she valued her free time more so I got every weekend and a day during the week when I want. There was no hard feelings so it was easy to play nice and it paid off.

Monster, if you are the abuser and you guys aren’t getting along she will bring it up in court and most likely the judge will take her word for it. Happened to my best friend and despite no police reports or any evidence at all the judge made him take anger management classes. And guess who gets stuck with the bill for that.

The courts are very lopsided in favor of the woman. At least where I’m from they are.
 

Multislacking

ASF MVP
Staff member
Super Moderator
Joined
Sep 30, 2015
Messages
26,046
Reaction score
34,899
Points
113
I have yet to see a friendly divorce...Once they talk to Every Fucking Gfriend and thier mother...You are Fucked..

^ 1000% this. I've even known guys that still went balls deep in the ex and they still didn't get along.
 

Multislacking

ASF MVP
Staff member
Super Moderator
Joined
Sep 30, 2015
Messages
26,046
Reaction score
34,899
Points
113
Mine played out the same way, she valued her free time more so I got every weekend and a day during the week when I want. There was no hard feelings so it was easy to play nice and it paid off.

Monster, if you are the abuser and you guys aren’t getting along she will bring it up in court and most likely the judge will take her word for it. Happened to my best friend and despite no police reports or any evidence at all the judge made him take anger management classes. And guess who gets stuck with the bill for that.

The courts are very lopsided in favor of the woman. At least where I’m from they are.

Pretty sure he is saying she is the abuser. Given her prior history of slipping him a roofie here and there and slowly poisoning him.
 

IronRage

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Jul 26, 2014
Messages
3,412
Reaction score
1,926
Points
113
Pretty sure he is saying she is the abuser. Given her prior history of slipping him a roofie here and there and slowly poisoning him.
Ahh ok. That’s still going to be an uphill battle.
 

Jph30

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2018
Messages
214
Reaction score
173
Points
43
Pretty sure he is saying she is the abuser. Given her prior history of slipping him a roofie here and there and slowly poisoning him.
Women are always the victim in the courts eyes. Somehow it will be determined that it was his fault she was trying to slowly poison him to death because he's evil just for having a dick.
 

Augustine5I

Carpet-Chewer
Registered Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
8,339
Reaction score
5,246
Points
113
Thanks guys. Ya Augustine, I wouldn’t go through with the divorce unless I was 100% sure I would get the kids full custody. Giving her past I just can’t trust her with the kids with out me there to oversee everything.

So looks like we’re gonna make it work. I’m ok with that I guess. She really is trying to do the best she can and make up for what she’s done, but at the end of the day it’s just hard to be happy and not angry for what she’s done… guess it’s something I’m gonna have to figure out.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Your anger stems from hurt. Your hurt stems from feeling victimized. And in your case, you truly were victimized.

Your better then I am bro. I couldn’t choose acceptance.

BUT if you do, then you have to truly let get. Choose to let go. And do it.

A part of you may want to keep her on the hook. So she doesn’t get away with it.

Guess what, she already has…

And you get to carry around this negative energy 24/7.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

gorillaguy33

Registered Member
Joined
May 18, 2022
Messages
35
Reaction score
20
Points
8
Guys here’s my story about while I’ve been away from the bored fkr a while hope it helps someone and also not Saying this for a pity party.

Tried to work it out with my ex she had paperwork ready way ahead of time she took my daughter out of the house without me going and left me fkr 2 eeeks couldn’t see my daughter wouldn’t let me thsn she filed paperwork with the courts said I had illegals firearms steroids drugs and that I hit her and my daughter never happened but they showed up at my house at one in the morning g threw me out so she can come back in and arrested me. Than same paperwork goes to courts I get 3 hours of supervised visits with my daughter rigjt now fighting for better custody which I will get cause I have actual proof all her allegations are false thank god she’s gunna find herself in some troibke but moral of the story if that woman can royally fuck us especially if they know our secrets she’s using my daughter as a pawn she’s lied and got me locked up multiple times I just stay strong and tru and play as nice as I can for my daughter who is my world and I pray every day that things will change and I’ll get to see her on a regular basis and do the things dads shoukd be able to do especially when we were together I watched my daughter for 3 straight months all by myself and now all of a sudden I’m an unfit dad shit is hilarious


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

MonsterMaker

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
2,972
Reaction score
1,767
Points
113
Your anger stems from hurt. Your hurt stems from feeling victimized. And in your case, you truly were victimized.

Your better then I am bro. I couldn’t choose acceptance.

BUT if you do, then you have to truly let get. Choose to let go. And do it.

A part of you may want to keep her on the hook. So she doesn’t get away with it.

Guess what, she already has…

And you get to carry around this negative energy 24/7.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I know bro it sucks. We’re absolutely good until my Brian goes back to what happened then I turn into a monster, and just keep rubbing her nose in her shit, threatening to report her… etc. just toxic. But that’s only when that switch hits in my brain, I honestly am starting to think I’ve got some ptsd like symptoms.

But the thing is I’ve got a few choices:

1. forgive her move on and stay on high alert for both mine and my kids saftey, just keep her in line let her know I could have her arrested right now but don’t constantly threaten her.( she is well aware if she does anything again I’m going to the police and it has helped her straighten out)

2. divorce and hope we can agree on 100% even custody. We’ve already talked about it and she Agrees that’s how we would handle it. They’re both our kids and I don’t think she wants to risk this shit coming up in a custody battle in court.

3. Try to get her arrested for what she did but if it doesn’t work out it might bite me in the ass and she might get the kids full time or even worse I go to jail for the gear…then I will have no way to protect my kids from her.

It’s pretty obvious that the safest choice for my kids is to stay with her and keep her in line by forgiving her and letting her know what happens if she tries anything. Atleast this way I am with my kids 100% of the time, and I’m there to keep her in control.

We had a talk and I agreed to not threaten her with what happened and that she would work on her stuff so this can work. It’s been 4 days with no fights and I haven’t got on her case about her drugging me. If you could have seen how much we were fighting about it before you’d know thats actually Pretty good progress.

I know I need to bury this shit if I’m gonna stay with her. It’s absolutely toxic to the family and she really has been really good the last few years. If I seem to have s problem doing it I am willing to get some help from a therapist that specializes in trauma.

Anything I gotta do to keep my kids safe. Even if it means sleeping next to the person that tried to kill me and telling her how much I love her every day. Sick part is I actually do!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

MonsterMaker

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
2,972
Reaction score
1,767
Points
113
Guys here’s my story about while I’ve been away from the bored fkr a while hope it helps someone and also not Saying this for a pity party.

Tried to work it out with my ex she had paperwork ready way ahead of time she took my daughter out of the house without me going and left me fkr 2 eeeks couldn’t see my daughter wouldn’t let me thsn she filed paperwork with the courts said I had illegals firearms steroids drugs and that I hit her and my daughter never happened but they showed up at my house at one in the morning g threw me out so she can come back in and arrested me. Than same paperwork goes to courts I get 3 hours of supervised visits with my daughter rigjt now fighting for better custody which I will get cause I have actual proof all her allegations are false thank god she’s gunna find herself in some troibke but moral of the story if that woman can royally fuck us especially if they know our secrets she’s using my daughter as a pawn she’s lied and got me locked up multiple times I just stay strong and tru and play as nice as I can for my daughter who is my world and I pray every day that things will change and I’ll get to see her on a regular basis and do the things dads shoukd be able to do especially when we were together I watched my daughter for 3 straight months all by myself and now all of a sudden I’m an unfit dad shit is hilarious


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That’s so fucked up man I’m truly sorry! That’s my biggest fear. Or even worse that she gets them and I only get to see them behind a glass wondow for 30 mins a week. Fuck that kills me. I just need to suck it up and make it work.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Augustine5I

Carpet-Chewer
Registered Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
8,339
Reaction score
5,246
Points
113
I know bro it sucks. We’re absolutely good until my Brian goes back to what happened then I turn into a monster, and just keep rubbing her nose in her shit, threatening to report her… etc. just toxic. But that’s only when that switch hits in my brain, I honestly am starting to think I’ve got some ptsd like symptoms.

But the thing is I’ve got a few choices:

1. forgive her move on and stay on high alert for both mine and my kids saftey, just keep her in line let her know I could have her arrested right now but don’t constantly threaten her.( she is well aware if she does anything again I’m going to the police and it has helped her straighten out)

2. divorce and hope we can agree on 100% even custody. We’ve already talked about it and she Agrees that’s how we would handle it. They’re both our kids and I don’t think she wants to risk this shit coming up in a custody battle in court.

3. Try to get her arrested for what she did but if it doesn’t work out it might bite me in the ass and she might get the kids full time or even worse I go to jail for the gear…then I will have no way to protect my kids from her.

It’s pretty obvious that the safest choice for my kids is to stay with her and keep her in line by forgiving her and letting her know what happens if she tries anything. Atleast this way I am with my kids 100% of the time, and I’m there to keep her in control.

We had a talk and I agreed to not threaten her with what happened and that she would work on her stuff so this can work. It’s been 4 days with no fights and I haven’t got on her case about her drugging me. If you could have seen how much we were fighting about it before you’d know thats actually Pretty good progress.

I know I need to bury this shit if I’m gonna stay with her. It’s absolutely toxic to the family and she really has been really good the last few years. If I seem to have s problem doing it I am willing to get some help from a therapist that specializes in trauma.

Anything I gotta do to keep my kids safe. Even if it means sleeping next to the person that tried to kill me and telling her how much I love her every day. Sick part is I actually do!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Option 2 can work too. Has for many many divorced couples. And you can sleep really well at night and find someone else just a beautiful and great without the other bad shit.

What she did in the past was diabolical/evil type shit. She may need therapy to figure it out. Not on you.

If you take option 1... you have to remember whenever you get angry that you are really "hurt" and let her know that emotion rather then the "angry" emotion. Be open and honest.

You're skipping over one emotion to get to the next not allowing yourself to feel it.

But IMO if you attempt to just bury it by not talking about it or something, you will only fester and make you sick.

Don't threaten or back her into a corner. Only a matter of time before that backfires on you. option 3 is going nuclear and too many variables.
 

MonsterMaker

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
2,972
Reaction score
1,767
Points
113
Option 2 can work too. Has for many many divorced couples. And you can sleep really well at night and find someone else just a beautiful and great without the other bad shit.

What she did in the past was diabolical/evil type shit. She may need therapy to figure it out. Not on you.

If you take option 1... you have to remember whenever you get angry that you are really "hurt" and let her know that emotion rather then the "angry" emotion. Be open and honest.

You're skipping over one emotion to get to the next not allowing yourself to feel it.

But IMO if you attempt to just bury it by not talking about it or something, you will only fester and make you sick.

Don't threaten or back her into a corner. Only a matter of time before that backfires on you. option 3 is going nuclear and too many variables.

We’ve tried the “talking about it” route and when ever I try to express my hurt and anger related to what she did she always gets defensive rather than sympathetic and it always sets me off. I just can’t expect that compassion or remorse from her, she’s literally not capable of it. She tries to fake it and it just makes me feel worse. It’s just part of her condition.

So I’m afraid the only option I have if I stay with her is to bury it, atleast around her….it just makes things worse because she just isn’t capable of that conversation. I could really use someone to talk to about so that’s why I mentioned therapy…


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Augustine5I

Carpet-Chewer
Registered Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
8,339
Reaction score
5,246
Points
113
I can see why she gets defensive....but she actually has no defense. lol

At least you have awareness enough to know she isn't capable of compassion. IDK why you would want to continue the rest of your life with regret staying married to someone like this?

You made a bad choice in picking her. You would be surprised how easy it is to get out of this "bad choice." Come out of it stronger after licking your wounds.

Trust me bro. I have had great love and lost it. You feel alone. Hurt. Desperate. But I promise you, there is someone else out there who will make you feel the way she does (when things are good).

Burying it while not resolved will eat you alive.

I think you know the right thing to do. Your scared. Understandably so.

Get your shit in place. Save money. See a lawyer. Wait until you are in the best possible position before making a move.
 

AR-15

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
2,778
Reaction score
2,507
Points
113
We’ve tried the “talking about it” route and when ever I try to express my hurt and anger related to what she did she always gets defensive rather than sympathetic and it always sets me off. I just can’t expect that compassion or remorse from her, she’s literally not capable of it. She tries to fake it and it just makes me feel worse. It’s just part of her condition.

So I’m afraid the only option I have if I stay with her is to bury it, atleast around her….it just makes things worse because she just isn’t capable of that conversation. I could really use someone to talk to about so that’s why I mentioned therapy…


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


If your gonna internalize it then I’d definitely get into some sort of therapy so you have an outlet to vent whenever you start to feel overwhelmed with emotions especially when they are associated with that particular situation. I use to just bury shit all the time but it always ended up building up and building up until I would just explode. Needless to say therapy not only kept me out of prison it also saved my life on many occasions. Just my two cc’s though.
 

Canebrake

Registered User
Registered Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2014
Messages
3,177
Reaction score
508
Points
113
Get Shredded!
Women don’t give a shit about you or your struggles AT ALL. Neither does the court system. She will NEVER bend to your feelings. Cut your losses and go. Fuck being miserable. I divorced in 2018. Paid my alimony and I live the best life I’ve ever lived. She has to get payday advances and asks me for money. Which I give along with dick in her mouth




If you have kids. Fight for joint time sharing. Especially If you have the ability to provide a stable home for them. Start looking up studies that prove when both parents are in their childrens liives more it benefits them. Plenty of info out there. Suicide, horrible grades, teenage pregnancy are all attributed to single parent houses.
 

KillaCity

Registered Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2022
Messages
169
Reaction score
69
Points
28
Women don’t give a shit about you or your struggles AT ALL. Neither does the court system. She will NEVER bend to your feelings. Cut your losses and go. Fuck being miserable. I divorced in 2018. Paid my alimony and I live the best life I’ve ever lived. She has to get payday advances and asks me for money. Which I give along with dick in her mouth




If you have kids. Fight for joint time sharing. Especially If you have the ability to provide a stable home for them. Start looking up studies that prove when both parents are in their childrens liives more it benefits them. Plenty of info out there. Suicide, horrible grades, teenage pregnancy are all attributed to single parent houses.
^ this for sure. I do the same to mine. Come get money but you're getting cream pied before I give you anything. And get straight savage on her.
 
Top