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Question about my wife and gym guys

Is this her?

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gashred777 said:
We’ve all known someone or personally experienced infidelity on some level. Obviously, there are a variety of reasons people cheat. That said, cheating still leads to hurt that can and usually does take years to work through (assuming it’s a marriage and the decision has been made to work through it). This situation has repeat offender written all over it though. If she cheated with a guy from the gym in the past and she is still engaging in conversations that lead to phone numbers being exchanged....that bitch gotta go


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No phone numbers being exchanged and she doesn’t go to that gym anymore. We go to the same gym now.


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Milford King said:
My question is, what was her excuse for cheating? This is important. Because if she blames you for it then yes, she’ll prolly do it again. Unhappy people should just leave rather than cheat and if she cheated because you made her unhappy then she is insecure and fears to be alone which means you’ll be walking on egg shells for the rest of your marriage.


if she takes full responsibility for it, then you can work on it.

a marriage counselor or a group session or therapist can help. It’s not like you can stop loving her, trust me I know your situation. It gets more difficult when kiddos are involved.

so the act of cheating is on her but it’s up to both of you to repair the damage.

my other advice is still good too because if you cant laugh at your misfortunes you will grow to be a cranky ‘get off my lawn’ type of old man.

blowjobs are the fountain of youth. And have you ever cheated? Been tempted?

I hope things work out for you, specially if you got kids. The family unit is worth fighting for but you can do it alone, she gotta be on board too
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At that time in our life I was actually going through addiction and alcoholism issues. Marriage was bad and she cut it off with the guy when I decided to go to rehab. And yeah even though I was doing what I did she took full responsibility for her actions.


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Cheat and I’m done. Divorce her


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Aren't all guys trying to get in the pants or at least see if they can? I absolutely adore my wife onlive her and still lust after her. Even beat off about her. She just absolutely does it for me. Still I like to be desired and know I can get it in w other chicks especially since I'm getting older. So almost everything I say or do is a way to plant a seed w no ultimate intention of actually banging someone.
When ppl say stuff to my wife or look at her ,unless completely out of line(then they get to deal w me), I have enough confidence in myself and her that I just take it as all compliment. It also boosts her self confidence so it's all good...plus ifbshe was willing to throw away what we share and built over that shit....well I guess I was wrong and wasted over a decade . Time to push on. Right.
 
Sherk said:
I wouldn’t worry about it. Only control what you can, which is you. Take it as a compliment and hopefully she only takes it as the same. Some guys are genuine with what they say and others have an underlying agenda and asking if she competes is an easy approach.
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Yep
 
Augustine5I said:
If you have children it isn’t so easy.

The thought of another man raising your kids might change your mind.


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I have a 2 and 6 year old.


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drealdeal said:
I have enough confidence in myself and her that I just take it as all compliment. It also boosts her self confidence so it's all good...plus ifbshe was willing to throw away what we share and built over that shit....well I guess I was wrong and wasted over a decade . Time to push on. Right.
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This^^^

You are young and not there yet. You may be confident, but this type of confidence only comes with age and experience. IMO..I believe we all go through it, but it is an awesome feeling to be on this side. No feelings of jealously, insecurity, wondering what she is doing and will she handle things right when she is in certain situations.

Focus on you and what you can control. It’s life, enjoy the ride.

LowT
 
Well, how could you not mention to us she cheated before?
That would change 100% of members advice. Kind of a big piece of this fucked up puzzle if you ask me...

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custom said:
Send her my way and I'll do a taste test on all holes and get right back to you! (Just like our packs Less than 7 days)
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Unless you end up with Hep A,B, and C.
The trifecta...

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CompoundLifts31 said:
Well, how could you not mention to us she cheated before?
That would change 100% of members advice. Kind of a big piece of this fucked up puzzle if you ask me...

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I really dislike when posters do this. People invest a few minutes of their day into helping someone out and the advice and suggestions they provide doesn't even aligned with the instance because of being originally misinformed.
 
CompoundLifts31 said:
Well, how could you not mention to us she cheated before?
That would change 100% of members advice. Kind of a big piece of this fucked up puzzle if you ask me...

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Exactly. This changes everything. OP is seeking approval to take her back.... not seeking advice.


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A little science on this:

1) 70% of women have cheated -- the same as men. More than two-thirds. This statistic spent many decades creeping upward since back in the 50's or so when it was first measured, and finally met parity with men around 2010 but likely earlier than that since these measurements are usually lagging the real trends, and getting sexual behavior stats out of women is like pulling teeth, even for researchers who guarantee anonymity and pay for it. Lots of research has shown the deciding factor is opportunity... the only reason women had a lower incidence previously was a lack thereof, e.g. being housewives and the mailman being unattractive, or perhaps being Islamic and therefore burka-clad and never allowed to be alone around strange men. Now that women in the US work nearly as much as men and get *more* university exposure (they earn 58% of all bachelors degrees) the opportunity is everywhere.

2) 12% of children who have a "dad" who thinks the child is his -- they ain't. That's 1-in-8 kids (and we're excluding stepchildren, adoptees, IVFs w/ sperm donors, etc... any obvious and openly known cases of non-DNA match) who have cuckolded "dads". Again, this excludes cases where the man agrees to raise stepchildren, etc. And this rate exists despite modern access to birth control, full knowledge of how ovulation cycles work, morning-after pills, and abortion. In nature the rate likely would be 30%+, and that's the rate we actually see today in terrible socioeconomic environments like ghettoes and methlab trailer parks. The point being, that 12% pregnancy/cuckold rate is MUCH lower than the actual cheating rate since women know how to avoid pregnancy when they want to.

Ok enough with the facts. Grim eh? Back to the rah rah feel-good bullshit, lol. :twothumbs:
 
chocolatemalt said:
A little science on this:

1) 70% of women have cheated -- the same as men. More than two-thirds. This statistic spent many decades creeping upward since back in the 50's or so when it was first measured, and finally met parity with men around 2010 but likely earlier than that since these measurements are usually lagging the real trends, and getting sexual behavior stats out of women is like pulling teeth, even for researchers who guarantee anonymity and pay for it. Lots of research has shown the deciding factor is opportunity... the only reason women had a lower incidence previously was a lack thereof, e.g. being housewives and the mailman being unattractive, or perhaps being Islamic and therefore burka-clad and never allowed to be alone around strange men. Now that women in the US work nearly as much as men and get *more* university exposure (they earn 58% of all bachelors degrees) the opportunity is everywhere.

2) 12% of children who have a "dad" who thinks the child is his -- they ain't. That's 1-in-8 kids (and we're excluding stepchildren, adoptees, IVFs w/ sperm donors, etc... any obvious and openly known cases of non-DNA match) who have cuckolded "dads". Again, this excludes cases where the man agrees to raise stepchildren, etc. And this rate exists despite modern access to birth control, full knowledge of how ovulation cycles work, morning-after pills, and abortion. In nature the rate likely would be 30%+, and that's the rate we actually see today in terrible socioeconomic environments like ghettoes and methlab trailer parks. The point being, that 12% pregnancy/cuckold rate is MUCH lower than the actual cheating rate since women know how to avoid pregnancy when they want to.

Ok enough with the facts. Grim eh? Back to the rah rah feel-good bullshit, lol. :twothumbs:
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Yep it is grim but it is true and a Good post CM if you’re a realist and have lived a minute .... we all know people cheat, it’s the baser needs of human behavior. man+woman= sex

Even the most loyal and conservative people that don’t have the act of sexual intercourse have emotional relationships, no? Is that cheating? *coffee***


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HFO3 said:
. . . people that don’t have the act of sexual intercourse have emotional relationships, no? Is that cheating? *coffee***


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Not necessarily. It's a matter of degree and extent. I've been good friends with a female coworker just because we shared the same dry sense of humor. We were close enough that we could almost tell what the other was going to say before saying it. We got along great. We were both happily married and there was no attempt on either side for a deeper/closer relationship. It probably would have queered the relationship we had. Only ran into her once outside of work (at a bar) and we chatted for a short time and went back to our other friends. If there were anything deeper between us then I'd agree that it could be considered a form of cheating. Degree and extent.
 
HFO3 said:
Yep it is grim but it is true and a Good post CM if you’re a realist and have lived a minute .... we all know people cheat, it’s the baser needs of human behavior. man+woman= sex

Even the most loyal and conservative people that don’t have the act of sexual intercourse have emotional relationships, no? Is that cheating? *coffee***


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my experience with cheating is.....

when I was the cheater, the married woman with whom I cheated with talked excessive shit about the husband. I avoid taking about my personal relationships at pretty much all cost. The act of cheating is definitely the same however the mechanics behind in is much different in my perception between the sexes.

But it is irrelevant. The pursuit of happiness is where it’s at. And everyone’s relationship is different. Take sex out of the equation, and you’ll determine who you want to spend the rest of your life with much more effectively.
 
HFO3 said:
Yep it is grim but it is true and a Good post CM if you’re a realist and have lived a minute .... we all know people cheat, it’s the baser needs of human behavior. man+woman= sex

Even the most loyal and conservative people that don’t have the act of sexual intercourse have emotional relationships, no? Is that cheating? *coffee***


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I don't care what anyone says, it can be a slippery slope.

Let's look at this from two perspectives including the same and opposite sex.

There is times I have had some interactions with dudes I didn't know too well, having more conversations and more interactions I realized he had a lot more in common and we gelled pretty well. And they became a part of my circle. But for obvious reasons not being attracted to the opposite sex it stops right there and it's just the brotherhood.

Now let's look at it from the other perspective. With the factor of being attracted to the opposite sex, naturally for the majority.

Having instances and occasions with conversations or hanging out with the opposite sex, same situations finding out that we gel pretty well with Good vibes. Naturally mixed signals unbeknownst to us may transpire, the more these interactions take place the greater the instance of misinterpreted signals or even authentic signals can be received. Unlike the brotherhood above, we are inclined to have more of a curiosity and desire to explore a bit further.

Can men and women be friends? Of course, but it's a slippery slope and there needs to be boundaries.
Comparing instances and situations is apples and oranges.
Because the majority of male and female encounters throughout history most likely transpired to something greater, even if just for a moment out of curiosity, lust, or desire, or even loneliness.
And as uncomfortable as it sounds let's talk about this, how many encounters with meeting a new dude transpired into something different? It's extremely extremely extremely rare, and practically it's not even worth mentioning because statistically the ratio is so low.

There's a reason why mankind says "lead me not into temptation".. morally we may not have the intent, but at the end of the day we are simply just a species like many others with a natural instinct to laws of Attraction.

For myself personally, whenever I speak to the opposite sex I go above and beyond to sound more professional, I washed my vocabulary and body language. And I probably end up sounding like a nerd and very dry, I don't use puns and if I notice an opportunity that one is presented I ignore it. Playful banter is where becomes a slippery slope..

Well I'm talking to dudes in the gym or on the job site, I don't notice these social cues, because they're simply not there!!! 💪🤙💪🤙

God that was really awkward to explain hahahahhahah!
 
Necron_99 said:
Not necessarily. It's a matter of degree and extent. I've been good friends with a female coworker just because we shared the same dry sense of humor. We were close enough that we could almost tell what the other was going to say before saying it. We got along great. We were both happily married and there was no attempt on either side for a deeper/closer relationship. It probably would have queered the relationship we had. Only ran into her once outside of work (at a bar) and we chatted for a short time and went back to our other friends. If there were anything deeper between us then I'd agree that it could be considered a form of cheating. Degree and extent.
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DENIAL. lol
Vision said:
I don't care what anyone says, it can be a slippery slope.

Let's look at this from two perspectives including the same and opposite sex.

There is times I have had some interactions with dudes I didn't know too well, having more conversations and more interactions I realized he had a lot more in common and we gelled pretty well. And they became a part of my circle. But for obvious reasons not being attracted to the opposite sex it stops right there and it's just the brotherhood.

Now let's look at it from the other perspective. With the factor of being attracted to the opposite sex, naturally for the majority.

Having instances and occasions with conversations or hanging out with the opposite sex, same situations finding out that we gel pretty well with Good vibes. Naturally mixed signals unbeknownst to us may transpire, the more these interactions take place the greater the instance of misinterpreted signals or even authentic signals can be received. Unlike the brotherhood above, we are inclined to have more of a curiosity and desire to explore a bit further.

Can men and women be friends? Of course, but it's a slippery slope and there needs to be boundaries.
Comparing instances and situations is apples and oranges.
Because the majority of male and female encounters throughout history most likely transpired to something greater, even if just for a moment out of curiosity, lust, or desire, or even loneliness.
And as uncomfortable as it sounds let's talk about this, how many encounters with meeting a new dude transpired into something different? It's extremely extremely extremely rare, and practically it's not even worth mentioning because statistically the ratio is so low.

There's a reason why mankind says "lead me not into temptation".. morally we may not have the intent, but at the end of the day we are simply just a species like many others with a natural instinct to laws of Attraction.

For myself personally, whenever I speak to the opposite sex I go above and beyond to sound more professional, I washed my vocabulary and body language. And I probably end up sounding like a nerd and very dry, I don't use puns and if I notice an opportunity that one is presented I ignore it. Playful banter is where becomes a slippery slope..

Well I'm talking to dudes in the gym or on the job site, I don't notice these social cues, because they're simply not there!!! 酪酪

God that was really awkward to explain hahahahhahah!
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TRUTH. hahaha
 
unless you have an open marriage I dont see why your living on this one way street. and 2 wrongs dont make a right so dont think well she is cheating so so its cool for me to cheat, just get a divorce. I seen dudes stick it out before and it was because either the wife makes the bigger paycheck and the house and cars are in her name so without her your just a broke loser or they have kids and dont wanna pay child support
 
heckler7 said:
unless you have an open marriage I dont see why your living on this one way street. and 2 wrongs dont make a right so dont think well she is cheating so so its cool for me to cheat, just get a divorce. I seen dudes stick it out before and it was because either the wife makes the bigger paycheck and the house and cars are in her name so without her your just a broke loser or they have kids and dont wanna pay child support
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This right here..
the majority of time when people stick it out it's because of underlying factors that would be a game-changer if they split up.. sometimes it's more convenient to stay together.

But at the same time it's not healthy and we all know how mentally taxing that can be and it's not fair for people to live that way..

On paper it sometimes makes more sense to live this way just to avoid a lot of things that are the obvious, but sometimes in the end the things we are trying to avoid become peanuts and we end up with bigger problems..
If you have to constantly question and your mind where your spouse is with you, then little do you realize the relationship you think you had all this time which never ever relationship period.. healthy, nurturing relationships don't have these type of distractions.
 
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