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I think i hate my relationship

IML Gear Cream!
You need to tell him this stuff. And be clear about needing a change or you're out. It sucks but its pretty simple.
 
Augustine5I said:
As a man, I couldn't see how letting you go off to work everyday while I stay home self medicating, would sit well with me.

IMO you have or are losing respect for him. And you are resenting him for not pulling his own weight.

Fuck...he wants to be his own boss? It's a nice fucking dream. Not a reality for most, despite the desire to do so. What would he be a boss doing?? Considering he can't work do to his bad back.

It's pretty embarrassing to be with this guy on Govt assistance collecting food stamps.

You can do what you want. Just know you are going into this with eyes open. These aren't circumstances that befell you both after being together for some time.

Remember what I said before...and keep in mind, YOU DON'T OWE HIM A LIFE.
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Im glad you actually get where im coming from. ive already told him ive started resenting him because of the situation. Ive told him its embarassing when people ask me what my boyfriend does and I'm just a deer in headlights like uhhhhhh..

I work in dealership. I make money that was enough for me to be comfortable on my own. Its not easy to find a job that will bring alot of extra money without schooling. I did schooling and im still where im at in life with an education.

He keeps telling me itll all be okay soon. It will all come together soon. So its like do i wait it out...and if it doesnt come to light figure it out then.

He has his first crop turning soon which his friend loaned him the money to start up and be a partner in it. So theres things in progress its just a waiting game for profit.

But in my head im like youd literally be nowhere without peoples help...he relies on it almost. Idk maybe things will get better. Maybe im just stupid.

But at least the comments in this thread have helped me confirm im not being completely unreasonable and crazy.

I also cant say how many times i wanna tell him people have worse injuries that you and still work...its like he thinks the universe owes him something...

Im caught between maybe this is life testing me and telling me to stop being a selfish brat. Or is this life telling throwing me signs that this aint the life for you.
The constant battle.

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So was this a private ems or city/county? If he broke his back at work there should be some sort of comp that he received for the injury. If he was deemed disabled then the social security would also be a given. If none of this is happened then I would really question his honesty to begin with. It sounds to me like he found a compassionate female and took total advantage of you and your emotions.
If he hasn’t been 100% honest to this point it’s not going to get any better. Cut your loses and find a real man.


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We don’t really know your situation... so this is on you.

You have to be honest with yourself here.

is life ,without him in it , appealing to you?

Do you actually really love him?

And have you actually really tried to have a heart to heart convo about your feelings toward this situation with him?

If he isnt willing to make compromises and meet you halfway, then you should pursue a happier existence.
 
Liftthatishbro said:
Crazy shit.. matters of the heart are complicated. Initially i was under the impression that maybe there was some misunderstanding that could be hashed out but you continue to paint a pretty clear picture of the guys character. Not sure what drew you guys together initially but i know alot of guys talk shit to get the pussy.. sorry.."win over a womans heart", then its not untill later you realize maybe i was duped..lol.. Either way sounds like you genuinely fell for him cause part of you defends him. But the guy is capable of working period. He just doesn't want to and is gonna wait and see if plan A the govt will take care of him or B hopefully the grow may work out which by the way is highly expensive to run and operate. I too am a vet and like garlic chicken have cervical damage, shrapnel on my legs, lumbar damage the list goes on and i get up, get out and provide for my family. If he really gave a shit with the same energy he uses to get out and workout 5 days a week he could at least do some part time work and help you out. Not sure how a capable working man could watch his woman go out and work her ass off while he trains 5 days a week and then goes home to smoke some weed and chill. I do wish you the best though... good luck with whatever you decide..
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I did. In the beginning it was fun. We had a good time. We got along great and laughed alot. But when we first got together it was like a breath of fresh air yano "finally someone that can hold his own. Has his own, and i wont feel like im mom as opposed to partner". Then bam. The spiral of bullshit. Im just at a crossroad and i dont know which road i want to take yet. And i dont want to regret it if i give up before letting him prove to me that he can fulfill his promises. Its not like hes not trying too. He has made good with all the other things he said he would do. Part of me wants to stay and see if we will make it. Part of me is fed up. Weve had the discussions. Weve had the arguments. I get where hes coming from but sometimes it just "another excuse". Its not like he treats me like shit. He gets up and makes me breakfast in the morning. I dont ever not feel loved by him. He treats me like a queen and quite frankly ive been treating him like peasant. Like hes less then me. I shouldn't do that. But to an extent when you start resenting someone the way you treat them changes. The resentment stains the heart. But stains fade over time.
Fuck my life. Why am i so torn.

I appreciate you guys talking to me about this. I cant really talk to anyone i know because theyre bias. And i dont want them to know im strugglin. The pity starts and i dont want pity. I just want clarity and perspective.



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Push50 said:
So was this a private ems or city/county? If he broke his back at work there should be some sort of comp that he received for the injury. If he was deemed disabled then the social security would also be a given. If none of this is happened then I would really question his honesty to begin with. It sounds to me like he found a compassionate female and took total advantage of you and your emotions.
If he hasn’t been 100% honest to this point it’s not going to get any better. Cut your loses and find a real man.


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He was still in school at the time it happened. Which is another thing i dont get. Lol i guess i dont know how all the shit works either. This happened while he was on texas. He got denied three times before the judge for social security. So when he finally replied reapplied here, where we live...the lady told him after doing some digging that they were trying to file for disability...apparently if i can remember the words right you have pay a certain amount into that stuff or you'll get denied. Had she of filed for social security he would have gotten it 3 years ago. So the lawyer fucked that up for him. (I heard the conversation with the lady on speaker phone). I know for fact his back is broken. Im the one that faxed his medical records off to the social security office. Matter of fact i still have them in a file at my desk. And you best believe i read that shit because i was even starting to doubt the injury.

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dobs27 said:
Im glad you actually get where im coming from. ive already told him ive started resenting him because of the situation. Ive told him its embarassing when people ask me what my boyfriend does and I'm just a deer in headlights like uhhhhhh..

I work in dealership. I make money that was enough for me to be comfortable on my own. Its not easy to find a job that will bring alot of extra money without schooling. I did schooling and im still where im at in life with an education.

He keeps telling me itll all be okay soon. It will all come together soon. So its like do i wait it out...and if it doesnt come to light figure it out then.

He has his first crop turning soon which his friend loaned him the money to start up and be a partner in it. So theres things in progress its just a waiting game for profit.

But in my head im like youd literally be nowhere without peoples help...he relies on it almost. Idk maybe things will get better. Maybe im just stupid.

But at least the comments in this thread have helped me confirm im not being completely unreasonable and crazy.

I also cant say how many times i wanna tell him people have worse injuries that you and still work...its like he thinks the universe owes him something...

Im caught between maybe this is life testing me and telling me to stop being a selfish brat. Or is this life telling throwing me signs that this aint the life for you.
The constant battle.

Sent from my SM-G892U using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

You are not being unreasonable at all. I have to reiterate that...at all. He's bodybuilding, he's capable of working. He doesn't want to. I don't want to either, and I'm sure you would rather not. But that's something that requires a lot of effort to get to that point.

I will understand your frustrations. My fiancee was having difficulty with migraines and pain but it started after we were together. I'd be lying if I didn't think about calling it quits, but it was different because I love her with all my heart and knew that. She pulled through. But it sounds like your situation is different by a lot.
 
dobs27 said:
Im glad you actually get where im coming from. ive already told him ive started resenting him because of the situation. Ive told him its embarassing when people ask me what my boyfriend does and I'm just a deer in headlights like uhhhhhh..

I work in dealership. I make money that was enough for me to be comfortable on my own. Its not easy to find a job that will bring alot of extra money without schooling. I did schooling and im still where im at in life with an education.

He keeps telling me itll all be okay soon. It will all come together soon. So its like do i wait it out...and if it doesnt come to light figure it out then.

He has his first crop turning soon which his friend loaned him the money to start up and be a partner in it. So theres things in progress its just a waiting game for profit.

But in my head im like youd literally be nowhere without peoples help...he relies on it almost. Idk maybe things will get better. Maybe im just stupid.

But at least the comments in this thread have helped me confirm im not being completely unreasonable and crazy.

I also cant say how many times i wanna tell him people have worse injuries that you and still work...its like he thinks the universe owes him something...

Im caught between maybe this is life testing me and telling me to stop being a selfish brat. Or is this life telling throwing me signs that this aint the life for you.
The constant battle.

Sent from my SM-G892U using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

You are not being crazy or unreasonable.

And IMO the broke back thing is mostly a cop out so he can do what he wants.

I agree with you when you said before about long term...what he is doing isn't sustainable. It's another get rich quick scheme that won't work.

You can make the decision to "not" make a decision at this point in time. Give it more time.

But I think you already have given this shit show enough time. It usually takes about 3 months to see ppl for who they really are... some hasty decisions were made which can look like poor choices. Learn from them.

All things being equal, wouldn't you rather be really into a guy who had a real job with no bullshit?
 
Get Shredded!
Augustine5I said:
You are not being crazy or unreasonable.

And IMO the broke back thing is mostly a cop out so he can do what he wants.

I agree with you when you said before about long term...what he is doing isn't sustainable. It's another get rich quick scheme that won't work.

You can make the decision to "not" make a decision at this point in time. Give it more time.

But I think you already have given this shit show enough time. It usually takes about 3 months to see ppl for who they really are... some hasty decisions were made which can look like poor choices. Learn from them.

All things being equal, wouldn't you rather be really into a guy who had a real job with no bullshit?
Click to expand...
Agreed that its a get rich quick scheme. It doesn't work like that anymore with weed unfortunately. The bottom has fallen out of it because of legalization, so unless you're a full fledged expert and grow the best money can buy consistently, it's not worth shit. Even moving it to other states.
 
It's tough to be a full time "care giver" to someone. Which is basically kind of what you are doing for him (in a sense). And when you're "doing it all" it begins to wear. You DO start to resent the person. You DO just wish you could have a break. You almost have to do things out of sense of duty and not so much love.

Stay or leave, you'll end up second guessing yourself after the fact. All you can do is make the choice and do the best with the consequences.
 
Milford King said:
We don’t really know your situation... so this is on you.

You have to be honest with yourself here.

is life ,without him in it , appealing to you?

Do you actually really love him?

And have you actually really tried to have a heart to heart convo about your feelings toward this situation with him?

If he isnt willing to make compromises and meet you halfway, then you should pursue a happier existence.
Click to expand...
I do love him but like i said the resentment is starting to take over that.

I want him in my life but i don't want this particular situation with him. Which the more i think about it, the more i dont hate my relationship. I hate the situation.

If its as temporary as he says it is, i think we can work past it and move forward. But if theres no resolution in the given time line. Its my time to fucking dip. He can have the the house. Ill take my furbabies and get on out. No assholier about. *restore factory settings like it never existed*

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I feel ya!! Those of you who know from BOP now I speak very highly of my girl but last Thursday she called it quits..weve been talking but the more I think about it ...do I really want it...I say I do but do I really?


She wanted me to give up my place and move in together...now she understands why I didn't

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Augustine5I said:
You are not being crazy or unreasonable.

And IMO the broke back thing is mostly a cop out so he can do what he wants.

I agree with you when you said before about long term...what he is doing isn't sustainable. It's another get rich quick scheme that won't work.

You can make the decision to "not" make a decision at this point in time. Give it more time.

But I think you already have given this shit show enough time. It usually takes about 3 months to see ppl for who they really are... some hasty decisions were made which can look like poor choices. Learn from them.

All things being equal, wouldn't you rather be really into a guy who had a real job with no bullshit?
Click to expand...
Id honestly rather not deal with any dudes ever. Id rather live on my own. With my furkids. And have the bed too myself and my car to myself and my snacks to myself and be able to watch my stupid tv shows by myself without commentary. Lol but here we are. Matter of the heart and shit. Duking it out between brain and feelings. Ive been single 25 out of my 28 years of existence man. Another decade or two wont hurt.

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My response was probably a little harsh I apologize . Sounds like you love him so need to tell him all this and if he doesn't change then you need to be out
 
GarlicChicken said:
Agreed that its a get rich quick scheme. It doesn't work like that anymore with weed unfortunately. The bottom has fallen out of it because of legalization, so unless you're a full fledged expert and grow the best money can buy consistently, it's not worth shit. Even moving it to other states.
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Theres more money in it then you think. But yes. You are 100 % correct. I cant wrap my head around it either man. I stop listening honestly lol

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dobs27 said:
Ugh. So here i am again. Hating relationships. I dont know if its because ive been single the majority of my life and i think most humans are fucking stupid. But i need some maybe tough love. I guess idk and lets face it, the boards are majority men. 96% us three females and 1 tranny get a percent each. But i cant do this shit. I dont even know if i want to do this anymore. Love is fucking stupid.
Heres the back story.

When babe and i met we were at the gym and would chit chat...
He broke his back in paramedic school. ( was carrying a 450LB patient down apartment stairs, the strap slipped and when he tried to catch the weight he crushed his lower spine). Fast forward four later (hes employed). We get together and shortly after he gets fired for not getting along with staff. (Rightfully so, they didnt wanna pay him his earned hours)..this was in January.

I terminated my lease for my apartment early because i was always at his place and we agreed to live together. Stupid. Stupid. I still hate myself for doing that.

Two months later the landlord, his "good friend" says he wants his house back.

We found this house on 9 acres and took it asap because it was our only option. I pay everything. He doesn't work. Hes supposed to be getting social security soon. I had bills before him. I have bills with him. I have my bills our bills and his bill. I have debt because of this house. And i hate him because of this house. Ive paid everything since march. He sold his vehicles so we have one. I had to buy a new car recently because my car had enough.

I express my concerns with money and i get a " im sorry babe but monies " bitch when i got bills NOW. I cannot do this by myself. Maybe my train of thought would be different if we had be pre back break. But fuck this bullshit. This relationship is still to young imo for me to be handling all the shit. I cant. I fucking cant. I love him. But also cant help but think he thinks hes above everyone because he broke his back and lives on. His pain is greater then anyone else. His loss surpasses everyone.

Im just at a loss. How long do i have to wait to get help. How much longer do i have to support and pay and stress over everything. Maybe i should just fucking leave. Maybe relations and love just arent meant for me.

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Save yourself the hassle and leave. Don't wait to see if it's gonna get better because that might take along time and who knows you might be in deeper debt.

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dobs27 said:
I did. In the beginning it was fun. We had a good time. We got along great and laughed alot. But when we first got together it was like a breath of fresh air yano "finally someone that can hold his own. Has his own, and i wont feel like im mom as opposed to partner". Then bam. The spiral of bullshit. Im just at a crossroad and i dont know which road i want to take yet. And i dont want to regret it if i give up before letting him prove to me that he can fulfill his promises. Its not like hes not trying too. He has made good with all the other things he said he would do. Part of me wants to stay and see if we will make it. Part of me is fed up. Weve had the discussions. Weve had the arguments. I get where hes coming from but sometimes it just "another excuse". Its not like he treats me like shit. He gets up and makes me breakfast in the morning. I dont ever not feel loved by him. He treats me like a queen and quite frankly ive been treating him like peasant. Like hes less then me. I shouldn't do that. But to an extent when you start resenting someone the way you treat them changes. The resentment stains the heart. But stains fade over time.
Fuck my life. Why am i so torn.

I appreciate you guys talking to me about this. I cant really talk to anyone i know because theyre bias. And i dont want them to know im strugglin. The pity starts and i dont want pity. I just want clarity and perspective.



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Shit.. If all i had to do was workout 5 days a week, go home and blaze, and then have my woman take care of me i'd cook you breakfast too...lmao..
I'm fucking with you sis.. But if your'e doing all this shit at a minimum treating you right is the least he can do damn.. Whatever he is concocting for his future well both your futures hopefully its quick cause you said he is closing in on 40 and time goes really quick..9/11 was 18 years ago and if feels like yesterday. Things don't just happen cause you think it could happen or feel like people owe you some shit. Things happen because you earn it, you make them happen at all costs. Anyone who is successful at anything doesn't sleep till that mission is accomplished. It does't seem like this guys got that fire of ambition just some idea that the grow might work or hopes his SS gets approved which will not really change anything except that he will still be home while you work except every 3rd of the month he gets a check. Looks like you got all your brothers here for advice though sis and if we being tough about this its cause we want whats best for you but ultimately you have to decide that outcome.
 
IML Gear Cream!
itsBoogie said:
I feel ya!! Those of you who know from BOP now I speak very highly of my girl but last Thursday she called it quits..weve been talking but the more I think about it ...do I really want it...I say I do but do I really?


She wanted me to give up my place and move in together...now she understands why I didn't

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Life is stupid. Its all stupid. We hate them.

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MGM said:
My response was probably a little harsh I apologize . Sounds like you love him so need to tell him all this and if he doesn't change then you need to be out
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Heard that. I did tell him. His solution was refiling for social security and gettin a grow going....sooo

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dobs27 said:
Id honestly rather not deal with any dudes ever. Id rather live on my own. With my furkids. And have the bed too myself and my car to myself and my snacks to myself and be able to watch my stupid tv shows by myself without commentary. Lol but here we are. Matter of the heart and shit. Duking it out between brain and feelings. Ive been single 25 out of my 28 years of existence man. Another decade or two wont hurt.

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my kind of girl... hit me up when your single 😉

im kidding... but I am on steroids ....
 
Liftthatishbro said:
Shit.. If all i had to do was workout 5 days a week, go home and blaze, and then have my woman take care of me i'd cook you breakfast too...lmao..
I'm fucking with you sis.. But if your'e doing all this shit at a minimum treating you right is the least he can do damn.. Whatever he is concocting for his future well both your futures hopefully its quick cause you said he is closing in on 40 and time goes really quick..9/11 was 18 years ago and if feels like yesterday. Things don't just happen cause you think it could happen or feel like people owe you some shit. Things happen because you earn it, you make them happen at all costs. Anyone who is successful at anything doesn't sleep till that mission is accomplished. It does't seem like this guys got that fire of ambition just some idea that the grow might work or hopes his SS gets approved which will not really change anything except that he will still be home while you work except every 3rd of the month he gets a check. Looks like you got all your brothers here for advice though sis and if we being tough about this its cause we want whats best for you but ultimately you have to decide that outcome.
Click to expand...
Haha shit. Come on over. We can have a breakfast competition between you two

Right. The thing is is he LOVES plants. Dude got that green thumb and his plants are happy as hell. Its not his first rodeo in growing. I dont smoke. It gives me anxiety. So im nonchalant about it. Lol hes passionate about the human body. And plants. Hes obsessed. I get tired of hearing it. Lol i mean if he gets approved for ss itll be 700 a month, which is better then nothing and 27K back pay check. Hes deadset. Hes gonna get it. As long as he got money coming from somewhere idgaf if he sits at home and takes care of his plants and the furbabies. I like working. I hate people but ive always worked. He says ill be able to quit my job soon. that aint gonna happen. I pay my own. My bills are my own. Our bills different story but aint no man paying my way thru life. Im not gonna owe anyone a damn thing. Yano. And if he gets that successfull with the grow. More power to ya. But i dont wanna sit at home all day. He kinda doesnt have a choice because we only have my car and the commute to work alone sucks. Filling up every other day i told him he needs to stay home until he has money to put in the tank cause i cant afford it. So he has been. Be a susie homemaker stay at home dog daddy collecting ss. Lol i just cant handle all the money by myself anymore without getting a second job.

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dobs27 said:
Haha shit. Come on over. We can have a breakfast competition between you two

Right. The thing is is he LOVES plants. Dude got that green thumb and his plants are happy as hell. Its not his first rodeo in growing. I dont smoke. It gives me anxiety. So im nonchalant about it. Lol hes passionate about the human body. And plants. Hes obsessed. I get tired of hearing it. Lol i mean if he gets approved for ss itll be 700 a month, which is better then nothing and 27K back pay check. Hes deadset. Hes gonna get it. As long as he got money coming from somewhere idgaf if he sits at home and takes care of his plants and the furbabies. I like working. I hate people but ive always worked. He says ill be able to quit my job soon. that aint gonna happen. I pay my own. My bills are my own. Our bills different story but aint no man paying my way thru life. Im not gonna owe anyone a damn thing. Yano. And if he gets that successfull with the grow. More power to ya. But i dont wanna sit at home all day. He kinda doesnt have a choice because we only have my car and the commute to work alone sucks. Filling up every other day i told him he needs to stay home until he has money to put in the tank cause i cant afford it. So he has been. Be a susie homemaker stay at home dog daddy collecting ss. Lol i just cant handle all the money by myself anymore without getting a second job.

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Click to expand...

:D...lol glad you got a laugh out that ... breakfast cook off....whoever cooks the best dish wins... that shits funny.... Ya i haven't smoked for a very very long time and all my prior jobs till present random drug test so good bye to that.. but i'm known to slam down some tequila shots... Well sounds like with all the feedback looks like you got a better sense of how to use your mind going forward.. its always difficult when you are emotionally invested clouds your judgement.. Keep us posted with how this shit goes down
 
Liftthatishbro said:
:D...lol glad you got a laugh out that ... breakfast cook off....whoever cooks the best dish wins... that shits funny.... Ya i haven't smoked for a very very long time and all my prior jobs till present random drug test so good bye to that.. but i'm known to slam down some tequila shots... Well sounds like with all the feedback looks like you got a better sense of how to use your mind going forward.. its always difficult when you are emotionally invested clouds your judgement.. Keep us posted with how this shit goes down
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I like waffles...js. lol
Yessuh. It makes me feel better that im not being crazy because was another battle i was having with myself.. lol i appreciate it and i feel better about the situation. Or at least where im at with it. Hes knows im not gonna put up with it forever. So fingers crossed the future is brighter then it appears.

Xoxo!

Sorry i femaled on the bodybuilder board. I figured you guys would tell me how it is. Honestly thougbt youd be meaner about it. Lol

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