Wife thinks my training/bodybuilding is immature

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  1. #1
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    Wife thinks my training/bodybuilding is immature

    As many of you know I bought a fixer upper the end of last summer and took almost 6 months off from the gym to get the house squared away. The end of December I decided it was time to get back to the gym as most of the major projects on the house had been completed.

    Since my wife's cancer treatment she has gained about 30lbs and has lost interest in going to the gym. She has pretty much given up as she finds more and more excuses NOT to go to the gym with me anymore. In the meantime I've been hitting it harder than ever with thoughts of competing still bouncing around in my head. I'm currently in the gym 5-6 days a week. Over the past few weeks my wife has become obsessed with getting things done around the house, things that are not a priority to me. My attitude is that there will always be things to do around the house/yard (15 acres) and I'd prefer to chip away at them on the weekends when I have more free time. She wants them done now. This has created a lot of tension between the two of us and I think my wife is starting to despise my gym time. Last night she told me that my level of interest in bodybuilding was immature and that I need to grow up because I have responsibilities at home (sounds like a parent talking to a child, doesn't it?). We got into a heated argument because I chose to go to the gym over staying home and helping her with some chores. I've busted my ass on this house since I purchased it last August and suddenly she's making it seem like I'm a no good lazy ass. Other than the argument last night, we haven't spoken to each other in 3 days. Training and bodybuilding has always been part of my life. I really hope she doesn't get to the point where she expects me to chose between her or bodybuilding. I'm really starting to think she's losing her mind.

  2. #2
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    Thereís obviously something going on here that you two arenít talking to each other about. Is she feeling unattractive and withdrawing? Have her priorities just changed massively since dealing with such a scary illness? Does she just miss having you around and is trying to get more attention from you? Has your attitude toward her changed? It really sounds like you two need to sit down, maybe with a counselor, and try to figure out whatís at the root of this.

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    I'm guessing she feels insecure and wants your attention as much as possible, even if it is indirectly like working on things around the house. You didn't mention is she's expected to make a full recovery or if you don't have any answers yet. There is rarely a black & white decision in relationship when it comes to wants and needs. You are doing the right thing by venting-as opposed to reacting. I'm sure there will be more questions from forum members and you will get answers anywhere from screw her because you have your needs and passions to don't be selfish and meet her needs especially since she has cancer. Look for a balance. What does a balance look like? I don't know, it's something you have to work on together. How many hours per day are you spending in the gym? The goal is for her to find a way to feel like her needs are met so she either doesn't care about what you do in her personal time or even better supports it. So maybe the first step is to find out what is really going on. I'm certain insecurity is part of it. Then you can start discussing some balance solutions.

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    I ain't no gynecopsychologist, but sounds to me she wants attention. Take a couple viagras, up the tren, and take her for a spin.

    Then go the gym.

    Next time she starts nagging, repeat.

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    The wife and I went through a rough patch year or so ago. We went to counseling and it made a huge difference. Communication is key to a successful marriage and that got the ball rolling for us.

    Side note: 15 acres! JFC you are a slave to that much property.


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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by tommygunz View Post
    The wife and I went through a rough patch year or so ago. We went to counseling and it made a huge difference. Communication is key to a successful marriage and that got the ball rolling for us.

    Side note: 15 acres! JFC you are a slave to that much property.


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    Makes life easy with 15 acres


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    If my wife gets all crazy with household chores I tell her to pick up the phone and hire someone. Just found a guy to mow our yard today. Hope that's all he's mowing.........

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    You guys and your counseling...thank the good Lord a latina never crossed your path!

    Counseling is not in their vocabulary

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard Puff View Post
    Thereís obviously something going on here that you two arenít talking to each other about. Is she feeling unattractive and withdrawing? Have her priorities just changed massively since dealing with such a scary illness? Does she just miss having you around and is trying to get more attention from you? Has your attitude toward her changed? It really sounds like you two need to sit down, maybe with a counselor, and try to figure out whatís at the root of this.
    Oh yeah, lots going on...for quite some time. I've tried to talk calmly to her about my concerns. She blames me for everything and doesn't take any accountability for her behavior/actions. We had a blow out back in March where the "D" word came up and I suggested counseling, but things calmed down and we haven't pursued it since. May have to reconsider it as a 'mediator' may help. I'm sure she feels unattractive, she had a double-mastectomy and has put on 30lbs since treatment. I try to encourage her but she blames her lack on progress on the anti-estrogens that she's taking and doesn't put in any effort.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sierra2500hd View Post
    I'm guessing she feels insecure and wants your attention as much as possible, even if it is indirectly like working on things around the house. You didn't mention is she's expected to make a full recovery or if you don't have any answers yet. There is rarely a black & white decision in relationship when it comes to wants and needs. You are doing the right thing by venting-as opposed to reacting. I'm sure there will be more questions from forum members and you will get answers anywhere from screw her because you have your needs and passions to don't be selfish and meet her needs especially since she has cancer. Look for a balance. What does a balance look like? I don't know, it's something you have to work on together. How many hours per day are you spending in the gym? The goal is for her to find a way to feel like her needs are met so she either doesn't care about what you do in her personal time or even better supports it. So maybe the first step is to find out what is really going on. I'm certain insecurity is part of it. Then you can start discussing some balance solutions.
    Her prognosis is good. It's pretty much CT scans every 6mos and keep our fingers crossed that nothing pops up. And you are right about the balance thing. As selfish as I am about my gym time (5-6 days a week, 1.5-2 hours each) I've decided to back it down to every other day for the time being to see if things improve.

    Quote Originally Posted by iceman1977 View Post
    I ain't no gynecopsychologist, but sounds to me she wants attention. Take a couple viagras, up the tren, and take her for a spin.

    Then go the gym.

    Next time she starts nagging, repeat.
    I wish it were that easy. She's the one that needs the viagra. The AIs that she's on absolutely crush her libido.

  10. #10
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    I've done two random acts of kindness for her over the past couple days and I pretty much had to solicit a 'thank you' from her.

    Sunday morning I washed her car, which was trashed because she never washes it. After some time of not receiving a thank you, I said "you're welcome". Her response was, "you drive my car too."

    Yesterday I cleaned up the kitchen after she made herself lunch. Washed her pots and pans, put everything away. I had to solicit a thank you from her then also, but at least that time she actually said thank you.

    I don't know what's up her ass but I wish it would crawl out.

  11. #11
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    The anti estrogen drugs are a big problem for sure. My wifes friend is going through the same thing, shes on nolvadex and she says its rough on her. She is still going to the gym and staying in shape but im sure she has her moments. Be patient.

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  12. #12
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    cancer changed her view on whats important in life. Like Tommy said counseling would be a good step, dont wait for her to be ready just make an apointment and take her. I was busy with life and when I got home I didnt want to listen to bullshit complaints about shit my wife could just deal with made me frustrated and angry. after taking her to counseling and she got a good cry session out I realized one thing that change our relationship forever. I would die for my wife, and here I am not willing to give her 5 minutes and just listen, once I figured this out and told her our relationship was instantly better. plus I think once she heard me complain about all the bullshit I deal with all day at work and just wanting to walk in my front door and see dying to see the smiles on my families faces to make me forget about my day I think she realized that maybe some things can wait

  13. #13
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    The AIs and SERMs have been a big problem. They started her on letro, she was on that for about 6 months, then switched her to tamoxifen, now she's on exemestane and still complaining of joint pain, hot flashes, etc. I'm sure all that shit has a profound affect on mood and well-being. She said she's going to try the aromasin for a bit and if things don't improve she's going off everything. I wish she would. The rate of cancer recurrence is only 4% better when taking an AI/SERM as opposed to taking nothing. To me 4% increase is not worth poor quality of life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TouaregV8 View Post
    I'm sure she feels unattractive, she had a double-mastectomy and has put on 30lbs since treatment. I try to encourage her but she blames her lack on progress on the anti-estrogens that she's taking and doesn't put in any effort.

    I wish it were that easy. She's the one that needs the viagra. The AIs that she's on absolutely crush her libido.
    Focus on this ^^^ the gym or the house is not the problem.


    She hates how she looks and feels and probably thinks you do too. All the more reason to spend time with a counselor. Look for one that specializes in post mastectomy issues. Iím sure itís covered by insurance and I would think it would be a routine thing post surgery.


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    I heard this one time and it's pretty much true.....when your wife is miserable, she won't be happy unless you are miserable to! There is some true to this. She isn't happy about something.

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