God Stripped One...From Us All

[zionoir626]

I was engaged to an incredible woman..but her 10yr old daughter.. brought light to the World..She was very special..and her and I had a very deep connection..I think it was her seeing her mom Happy again..She was the Love of my life..but I was in a dark place and in crisis..Parents dying,lost in anger,grief and great hate...Hate for only me..It is complicated.but I had to physically hurt PE I loved..put in a no-win situation.. I nearly killed both parents one night defending my wife and kids..A night I shall never forgive myself for..

But Ariel never saw that side of me but she saw my saddened heart somehow..She had a smile that made everything OK..

About 8, 10 months ago..Im not sure,my sons told me the News..I refused it..it couldn't be..never..no
She was gone.....

I was empty or I thought..until the other day..my daughter told me what happened..

She took her Life...WTF...left a son behind..
I discribed the whole I have..the guilt I have..I didn't know anything before this..
Believe me if I knew..she would be alive today..I failed her and now a great light is Gone..

This part of life is the Worst..the loss is great for everyone who ever met her,but unreal to the ones that knew her,unbelievable to the ones that Loved her..it is the Worst thing to me Ever..

God Why...there is No reason good enough..the Light she shined is now Gone..
I would have gone thru Hell 100 times to bring her back..No pain compares to this..None ever Will..
I carry this stone of guilt for 1000yrs..into every new LIFE..or to the Lake for eternity.. doesn't matter it will NEVER leave me..She is missed beyond belief...

I shall never forget her..I should have been stronger..but I wasn't..what kind of man now will I be with that Light gone..
A most broken sad One..Forever

Miss You Ariel..!
I'm So Very Sorry......

 

[Sponx]

Awe man, I am so sorry to hear that... Prayers your way to help with the emotions you face...

I have lost a lot of loved ones over the past year, it's not an easy road to travel.

 

[MindlessWork]

Sorry to hear that, man. Stay strong and let her memory be your rock.

 

[frank zazz]

Damn man that’s brutal . I hope that you will find some forgiveness in yourself.

 

[zionoir626]

Thanks once again guys...I probably should have hug myself 10x if wasn't for you guys..

 

[Multislacking]

Thanks once again guys...I probably should have hug myself 10x if wasn't for you guys..

Hugs are good...although I'm sure you meant something else.

I hate to say it, but mental illness is like that cancer you're fighting. Most times it isn't diagnosed until it is too late. And it *is* an illness. It's not her fault, God's fault, or your fault. It's the world we live in. We can try to shelter loved ones as much as we want, but we can't control how they feel or how they react.

 

[Augustine5I]

A psychologist told me suicide is the equivalent of temporary insanity....irrational thought.

Trying to understand irrational thoughts with a rational mind isn't possible.

IMO you are extremely distraught and should get some help. Sorry for your loss.

 

[zionoir626]

Hell I can't even get the Dr.s I have to do what they are billing me for....
This is just life..like it or not...deal or not..just not the best part..

Yeah..hung..

 

[LowTman]

All I can say is sorry and prayers.

I can add that you should go talk to a professional, I’m speaking from experience. We tend to look at life’s emotional/mental struggles as something not as serious as a tangible medical issue (broken bone, cancer, disease) because we can’t see it. And such, Psychiatrists, psychologists or counselors are not looked upon like surgeons or doctors. However, they are extremely talented and have skills to help. Your not alone, don’t try to be.

Best thing I ever did, and wish I did it years earlier.

Take care.

LowT

 

[BodybuilderZepp]

As much as you want to blame yourself for this, you can’t. It wasn’t your fault, and you didn’t even see it coming. How can you stop something that you don’t know about?

RIP Ariel, prayers go out to you and your loved ones.

 

[twisted]

I was engaged to an incredible woman..but her 10yr old daughter.. brought light to the World..She was very special..and her and I had a very deep connection..I think it was her seeing her mom Happy again..She was the Love of my life..but I was in a dark place and in crisis..Parents dying,lost in anger,grief and great hate...Hate for only me..It is complicated.but I had to physically hurt PE I loved..put in a no-win situation.. I nearly killed both parents one night defending my wife and kids..A night I shall never forgive myself for..

But Ariel never saw that side of me but she saw my saddened heart somehow..She had a smile that made everything OK..

About 8, 10 months ago..Im not sure,my sons told me the News..I refused it..it couldn't be..never..no
She was gone.....

I was empty or I thought..until the other day..my daughter told me what happened..

She took her Life...WTF...left a son behind..
I discribed the whole I have..the guilt I have..I didn't know anything before this..
Believe me if I knew..she would be alive today..I failed her and now a great light is Gone..

This part of life is the Worst..the loss is great for everyone who ever met her,but unreal to the ones that knew her,unbelievable to the ones that Loved her..it is the Worst thing to me Ever..

God Why...there is No reason good enough..the Light she shined is now Gone..
I would have gone thru Hell 100 times to bring her back..No pain compares to this..None ever Will..
I carry this stone of guilt for 1000yrs..into every new LIFE..or to the Lake for eternity.. doesn't matter it will NEVER leave me..She is missed beyond belief...

I shall never forget her..I should have been stronger..but I wasn't..what kind of man now will I be with that Light gone..
A most broken sad One..Forever

Miss You Ariel..!
I'm So Very Sorry......

Powerful words brother ...actually made me think hard ..sorry to hear and sorry you have such guilt on your shoulders ..damn words cant say enough!

 

[zionoir626]

I figure most of us have some type of this crap in their lives..things that just tear at you..Nothing,really we can make sense of or understand..Or maybe I'm totally wrong..No it's not normal life stuff..but what's normal..With my PTSD and crap like Ariel's death,there's never any comfort..Just emotions piled on emotions..A cobweb of grief,anger,hate and empty sadness..Not getting tangled and lost in it is My way of dealing..Shitty,way yes but... it's easy to go back down that self pity road that nearly took my life yrs ago..and yes I could use help with lots..but with Everything else going on..just another thing put on the back burner..need to buy a bigger stove..!!
But just venting instead of letting it All boil over helps greatly..gets me to the next sunrise..without needles in my arm..So,if you don't think you guys helped me... TOTALLY WRONG..
Yeah,it hurts..all of it but life IS hard and you have to fight to live..dying is easy...
And don't ever feel sorry for me..I hate pity..Fuck pity..thats a cop out..Face life..Good..Bad..
Some out there have it 100x harder and make it work..My Grandmother was not a nice person,hard,mean,but a Fucking Rock..
A Jew in Poland..as a child...in the 40's...got Tattoo..you know what I mean??
If she could make it..We All Can..me too...

 

[REHH]

Wow another tough blow. For some people the pain of living is just too much that they'd rather die than keep living, it's a terribly sad state to be in but I get it.

 

[zionoir626]

Myself girl and I were up late talking about Ariel..I broke down and took a while to get her to understand my guilt..She is very protective of me now..Saturday I came from my room on the way to the kitchen and went straight to the ground..out for 10 mins she said..but I was out in 4 or 5 secs..not a good sign..The passing out is what's going to get me..I have known this for about a yr now..it was worse and got better..Of course,the Dr.s have no idea what's causing it..It was the symptom that got me 5 days in the Hospital in 16...Even back then,Gabriel went and got my girl..way before I trained him to get help for me..Gabriel has saved my life at least 10 times..and he never leaves my side..He knows what his job is...and he get whatever he wants...

I guess it's hard for me to except what's happened to that little girl..I just don't want to believe it..but it happened and can to anyone..but it doesn't have too..all it takes is One person..one minute..one that cares enough. She's gone and it will forever haunt me..but I will find the good in this,if it's to be a better listener to the one's in pain,or to just be a better person period..I truly don't know but I Won't let this slip away and be the same..To loose someone So Very Special..it changes you..for the better or worse..well that's the rub..I will make it for the better..In a dark cold world we could use more like her and less like me..and that's what I will never understand..

 

[CowboyPump77]

I am sorry for your loss brother.

 

[zionoir626]

Years later..
The Pain is the Same..
Now I can add Judy to the list..

Sometimes..life is cruel AF...
Takes things from you,things You can't live without..

Guys..
I'm in the Fight..Now
I wish I could tell you all, it's going to be alright..but that's a Lie..
Big Shoulders=Heavy Weight

We can't choose some of our Battles.
BUT
We can choose How we Fight..

I'll be taking a break My Brothers...
It's Time...
In the Fight..of My Life..!!
ZION

 

[Onidus]

Years later..
The Pain is the Same..
Now I can add Judy to the list..

Sometimes..life is cruel AF...
Takes things from you,things You can't live without..

Guys..
I'm in the Fight..Now
I wish I could tell you all, it's going to be alright..but that's a Lie..
Big Shoulders=Heavy Weight

We can't choose some of our Battles.
BUT
We can choose How we Fight..

I'll be taking a break My Brothers...
It's Time...
In the Fight..of My Life..!!
ZION

Stay strong brother enjoy your break and let us know if you need anything!