the pressure of having your shit together

[heckler7]

sometimes things get tough, I feel like people think I got everything under control but it feels like its a moment away from all unravelling into a huge train wreck. work family friends and side ventures almost always on the edge of calamity. I often think it must be nice that I can be here for you but where the fuck are you when I need you. I dont know if its this state or if people in general get their hands extended ready to take never give. I guess the most disappointing thing I experienced was helping a friend thru almost every stage of their life, fixed his car and let him live with me for free for a year, he burned me at work I had to fire him, I know he feels like I'm the asshole but fuck dude I covered and made excuses to save him to the point where my job is now in jeopardy. I'm pissed that he put me in that position. anyway I plenty more to rant about later

 

[weazel]

Been there done that I feel like I bend over backwards for everyone myself, but it never pays off. I had a friend I got started in selling weapons tried to teach him what I knew he didn't listen too much ended up doing what I told him NOT to do and he ended up getting in some deep trouble a hand full of times. He chalked it up to look how much more $ i made than you, well it cost him more in legal fees. Its hard to do things for ppl these days because most do not remember what you did for them or tried to do, if your not helping them hand and foot your a dick. You give a dog some scraps it'll keep showing up at your door step begging and crying best comparison I can give ppl are shallow or just lazy in general these days noone wants to work for shit they just want it handed to them. Had to fire some friends of mine when I had a storefront fuckn lazy thieving asshats.

 

[Milford King]

Get out of California. Round here..... I help my neighbors and my neighbors help me. Seriously.... local community is everything.

my neighbors and my family are 100% on the same page. I mow the ones yard and plow her driveway out and she cooks me dinners (a lot) and the other neighbor I helped put a drywell in and drained the excess water so his basement would stop flooding and he put together a huge charity for my daughter when she got sick and he taught me how to use a 50 cal ... and the other neighbor I help chop her wood for her in the summer so she can stay warm in the winter and she let me borrow her mower a few times and also let’s me eye fuck her in her bikini when she’s out in her yard in the summer and sometime we talk shit about liberals together on her porch... I would totally love to smash it someday but.... I think she is one of those “you’re married and live next door with two kids so I would feel guilty for riding you like a slut every few days” kind of chic.

she can’t keep a man so she must be crazy anyway

but would totally smash

i will get pics next summer for sure ... lol

 

[lifter6973]

Wait, you have your shit together?! Well this is news.
Seriously though, I've seen similar things play out. Don't let it change who you are and how you treat others. Some people just have no appreciation no matter how much you help them.

sometimes things get tough, I feel like people think I got everything under control but it feels like its a moment away from all unravelling into a huge train wreck. work family friends and side ventures almost always on the edge of calamity. I often think it must be nice that I can be here for you but where the fuck are you when I need you. I dont know if its this state or if people in general get their hands extended ready to take never give. I guess the most disappointing thing I experienced was helping a friend thru almost every stage of their life, fixed his car and let him live with me for free for a year, he burned me at work I had to fire him, I know he feels like I'm the asshole but fuck dude I covered and made excuses to save him to the point where my job is now in jeopardy. I'm pissed that he put me in that position. anyway I plenty more to rant about later

 

[GUNRACK]

Being a good guy is a character flaw. Ive been taken advantage of my whole life for being nice. Im guessing I’ll continue to get taken advantage of because its all I know.

Nice guys finish last

 

[HFO3]

Be sharp as a serpent and gentle as dove. Always be a gentleman and be sure you pray amd use your discernment before you commit to helping someone, but even with all those stops in place ... life happens hard sometimes brother, I’m here for ya bro... sorry to hear of your troubles heckler


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[heckler7]

I spent most of my life helping others, I dont do it to get anything back from it other than the feeling that somebody will have a better day than yesterday. 2 weeks ago I helped a friend move and he had a couch and TV he wanted to get rid of and I knew the perfect person for it, for veterans day I took my son with me to VA housing and we delivered it to a guy that has no furniture and is on oxygen, he was so happy and gave my son a hug. I prefer to help people I dont know they seem to appreciate the most. when I help family and friends I seem to get hurt during the process and I lose a little piece of my soul each time. just venting

 

[Multislacking]

No good deed goes unpunished. Believe me, been there and done that. Repeatedly. I wish I had some comforting wisdom, but that's usually the way it works out. The more you help, the more they take advantage of you. It's like enabling addicts. In the end, you're just helping them continue to be lower class humans. They'll turn that "offering a hand up" into a 1000 handouts if you let them. Most people have to hit rock bottom and figure their own way out to ever become truly successful at life. If you keep helping them out of the hole, they'll just keep finding their way back there.

 

[heckler7]

No good deed goes unpunished. Believe me, been there and done that. Repeatedly. I wish I had some comforting wisdom, but that's usually the way it works out. The more you help, the more they take advantage of you. It's like enabling addicts. In the end, you're just helping them continue to be lower class humans. They'll turn that "offering a hand up" into a 1000 handouts if you let them. Most people have to hit rock bottom and figure their own way out to ever become truly successful at life. If you keep helping them out of the hole, they'll just keep finding their way back there.

my mom literally said that last night

 

[E.J.D]

No good deed goes unpunished. Believe me, been there and done that. Repeatedly. I wish I had some comforting wisdom, but that's usually the way it works out. The more you help, the more they take advantage of you. It's like enabling addicts. In the end, you're just helping them continue to be lower class humans. They'll turn that "offering a hand up" into a 1000 handouts if you let them. Most people have to hit rock bottom and figure their own way out to ever become truly successful at life. If you keep helping them out of the hole, they'll just keep finding their way back there.

I say that saying all the time at work and outside it. Half jokingly and half meaning it. I also say the easier you make it for others the harder you make it upon yourself.

 

[CastorTroy01]

sometimes things get tough, I feel like people think I got everything under control but it feels like its a moment away from all unravelling into a huge train wreck. work family friends and side ventures almost always on the edge of calamity. I often think it must be nice that I can be here for you but where the fuck are you when I need you. I dont know if its this state or if people in general get their hands extended ready to take never give. I guess the most disappointing thing I experienced was helping a friend thru almost every stage of their life, fixed his car and let him live with me for free for a year, he burned me at work I had to fire him, I know he feels like I'm the asshole but fuck dude I covered and made excuses to save him to the point where my job is now in jeopardy. I'm pissed that he put me in that position. anyway I plenty more to rant about later

The older I get the more I could give a fuck about friends. I’m part owner of a fairly successful company that has evolved a lot over the years. I won’t give you the whole life story but basically a lot of my used to be friends worked within the company and either fucked their lives up completely or they tried to manipulate the situation and take advantage of our friendship and I dealt with it in a bridge burning sort of way.

Most of them couldn’t handle seeing me do better than them, which is obviously fucked up. For me, the only ones I have anything for at this point is the wife, kids and other immediate family.

Everybody else is expendable and typically won’t hesitate to burn you as soon as it’s convenient. I know it sounds jaded but it true.

 

[hot rod]

I spent most of my life helping others, I dont do it to get anything back from it other than the feeling that somebody will have a better day than yesterday. 2 weeks ago I helped a friend move and he had a couch and TV he wanted to get rid of and I knew the perfect person for it, for veterans day I took my son with me to VA housing and we delivered it to a guy that has no furniture and is on oxygen, he was so happy and gave my son a hug. I prefer to help people I dont know they seem to appreciate the most. when I help family and friends I seem to get hurt during the process and I lose a little piece of my soul each time. just venting

this right here is the only answer bro. if u help people that REALLY appreciate it, that's when you get the most out of it. when my mother was alive, me and her would go out at Christmas and buy toys-bicycles, stuffed animals, clothes,etc- my mom was fairly wealthy- and she would spend a good bit of money. then my job was finding the family and helping her deliver the stuff. got a lot of joy out of doing this- so much that i do it every Christmas-just on a smaller scale. she would also ride around on Christmas day and hand out $100 bills to people that had to work on Christmas. She was really something special. Anyway, didn't mean to get off topic man, but MOST of the people i've helped over the years have forgotten ALL about it. BUT still believe in Karma bro and i can't TOTALLY agree w/ unpunished part. Just much more careful about helping "friends". And Multi is right about his addiction analogy- got a lot of addict friends- most in recovery- but the others are the ones that drive me fuckin CRAZY. Just when i think they've GOT IT, they don't . And then i end up pissed @ myself. it's a tangled web my friend and hard sometimes to untangle. good luck bro!

 

[Diesel618]

I'm no Mother Theresa, but when I go out of my way to help someone, I dont do it with the expection that the person will be grateful or reciprocate it in some way. Being a kind person improves my own quality of life. Ive been burned a thousand times and ill be burned a thousand more, I dont look at them as losses and I damn sure dont keep a ledger of ways the world has wronged me or taken advantage of me. That's a surefire path to misery.

 

[Augustine5I]

I spent most of my life helping others, I dont do it to get anything back from it other than the feeling that somebody will have a better day than yesterday. 2 weeks ago I helped a friend move and he had a couch and TV he wanted to get rid of and I knew the perfect person for it, for veterans day I took my son with me to VA housing and we delivered it to a guy that has no furniture and is on oxygen, he was so happy and gave my son a hug. I prefer to help people I dont know they seem to appreciate the most. when I help family and friends I seem to get hurt during the process and I lose a little piece of my soul each time. just venting

Lower your expectations...

PPl will let you down. Friends and family.

I have been burned too. Lending money. Now? If I give money out, I do it as a gift. With no expectations of repayment.

Feeling hurt is a byproduct of being a victim. Of being victimized. It can make you feel angry or get you angry.

But, there is always going to be a few of those who you help. Who's soul you touch. Who's life you will change. Work with that thought in mind.

Again, lower expectations....otherwise it can be the fastest way to lose family and friends.

 

[Multislacking]

Lower your expectations...

Solid dating advice right there.

 

[lifter6973]

man some of you guys are a bummer- Im being a hyprocrite by the way. I am one selfish motherfucker. But, for you guys that are nice guys and help others regardless of any appreciation in turn, you are good people, certainly better than me. I have people around me that constantly help others and sometimes it annoys me how giving they are (especially when its the wife using our funds to help someone) but it makes them feel good to help others and we are blessed that there are people on this earth with this mentality.
Hopefully if any of us is in need one day we are lucky enough to have a good guy help us.

 

[Augustine5I]

The older I get the more I could give a fuck about friends. I’m part owner of a fairly successful company that has evolved a lot over the years. I won’t give you the whole life story but basically a lot of my used to be friends worked within the company and either fucked their lives up completely or they tried to manipulate the situation and take advantage of our friendship and I dealt with it in a bridge burning sort of way.

Most of them couldn’t handle seeing me do better than them, which is obviously fucked up. For me, the only ones I have anything for at this point is the wife, kids and other immediate family.

Everybody else is expendable and typically won’t hesitate to burn you as soon as it’s convenient. I know it sounds jaded but it true.

I think it's good practice to never hire friends or family if you wish to keep them...

It's an interesting phenomenon whereby ppl close to you will at times turn green with envy over your success. It's sort of like, I want you to do well, just not better then me.

I take the approach, that I want you to do well. But I also want to do really well too. There is enough room for everyone to have success.

 

[Milford King]

Yeah.... I’d never ever hire a relative.... or “friend” ... but some of you forum dudes I would totally hire. And not expect a discount. If I had the money I’d fly dale and 3OT up here to finish a few projects I got lol

 

[Milford King]

Solid dating advice right there.

your numbers def go up lol

 

[heckler7]

well here is the story of what brought my spirits down. a friend that I considered pretty close, we called each other brothers and introduced ourselves as family, he has had some tough turns and I have always been there and even when my funds were low I gave him my last dollar so he could eat. when I loan money I consider it gone and if you pay it back then I will appreciate but I will never hound you for it. I could run you a laundry list of things I have done, i wont I'll keep it short, we kinda hit a rough patch before the covid shit and I had to fire him, and it was really the last straw he burned too many bridges well I thought over some time we would bounce back and even tho I fired him it was he that put himself too deep to be saved. Well the guy got married and has a kid on the way, he lives about 1.5 hours from me and got married at the beach 10 minutes from me. I didnt know and was asking about his child custody case and he say btw you got a niece on the way and im married. he even flew a friend out from oregon to be his best man. I gotta say it literally ripped the heart from my chest. and this dude has never been there for him for shit I literally been there at every low point and now I wasnt even invited to be present to be happy for him. it actually made me cry

 

[movingsteel 79]

well here is the story of what brought my spirits down. a friend that I considered pretty close, we called each other brothers and introduced ourselves as family, he has had some tough turns and I have always been there and even when my funds were low I gave him my last dollar so he could eat. when I loan money I consider it gone and if you pay it back then I will appreciate but I will never hound you for it. I could run you a laundry list of things I have done, i wont I'll keep it short, we kinda hit a rough patch before the covid shit and I had to fire him, and it was really the last straw he burned too many bridges well I thought over some time we would bounce back and even tho I fired him it was he that put himself too deep to be saved. Well the guy got married and has a kid on the way, he lives about 1.5 hours from me and got married at the beach 10 minutes from me. I didnt know and was asking about his child custody case and he say btw you got a niece on the way and im married. he even flew a friend out from oregon to be his best man. I gotta say it literally ripped the heart from my chest. and this dude has never been there for him for shit I literally been there at every low point and now I wasnt even invited to be present to be happy for him. it actually made me cry

U can think he didnt/doesn't care about your feelings.... but i ASSURE he does care and that's exactly why he told u all that stuff that recently happened in his life. Instead of thanking you and apologizing for anything bad that happened between y'all and realizing how good u have been to him over the years... he took that opportunity to continue his piss poor treatment of a friend (you).... Sounds like it was kind of a passive aggressive "fuck you I'm good without you" and look how good I've done now. I don't know that shit for sure cuz I don't know him... but I think YOU DO KNOW deep down inside...cuz u know him best...it might hurt but it sounds like that shit will never change....

Sorry to hear your're dealing with this shit bro. Just don't ever blame yourself man... Don't ever change who your are just because most people are shady or mistreat you. You keep walkin that good walk brotha.... keep doin good for others cuz it makes u feel good... Don't expect to find many other friends or family like yourself... has become a rare breed... You know where to draw the line between helping others and being "used"... Draw that line, use your wisdom from prior experiences to help guide ya. I promise you that you will still go ahead and help other person/people even when your gut tells ya stay away... that's o.k. too... just means u a good dude .

The true worth of a man is not measured by what he does for himself, but what he does for someone else. And if ya help another, with no concern for reward or pay in gold...then what you GIVE ya shall receive TENFOLD.

 

[Skip Foursome]

Never easy being the bigger person.

I've had to really bite my tongue with certain family member that I have given a lot only to get shit on.

Took him in when penniless, helped get a car, job and paid many expenses without repayment. Only to call me out for not being fair to him and wants nothing to do with me ever again.

Step son in case you were wondering. Taboo subject between me and the wife as the truth hurts her and I don't want to do that. We just know its not good and beyond repair.

 

[movingsteel 79]

Never easy being the bigger person.

I've had to really bite my tongue with certain family member that I have given a lot only to get shit on.

Took him in when penniless, helped get a car, job and paid many expenses without repayment. Only to call me out for not being fair to him and wants nothing to do with me ever again.

Step son in case you were wondering. Taboo subject between me and the wife as the truth hurts her and I don't want to do that. We just know its not good and beyond repair.

I've noticed that too about being the bigger person Skip, Sometimes not easy at all.
Being the bigger person to make your wife happier tho, and to try to keep things smooth at family functions, holidays etc. is being the bigger man. Props to you for being the bigger man!!

The main difference I see is that your bad relationship is with your wife's son (if I understood correctly) which has had to be way hard. Like for Heckler7 to drop an old friend cuz he does the same shady shit over and over would be a cakewalk compared to old/ongoing issues with your significant others child. I can only imagine that shit gets heated at times man, but u HAVE ALWAYS been calm,cool, collected. Good luck with all that Skip.!!

 

[Drugsgear]

I'm sorry to hear that.
But the truth is that sometimes the closest people hurt us the most.
I think it has always been like that and it will be this way.
You just need to distance from such toxic people and learn your lesson.