“I am fragile, I feel pain, I hurt.
I open my eyes.
I create, I conquer, I hold the power.
I am methodical , I peruse victory, I do not give up.
I fear no fear, I fear no man.
I am an athlete, I am a warrior, an artist.
I am a bodybuilder” ~ Mickey Rourke from G.I
I push myself to the breaking point and then push further. I do not understand the concept of giving up. I do not and will not accept defeat. I will not choose a path I can walk through, but rather a path I must climb. My body aches and screams "no more pain!". My determination drives me for more. My muscles burn in agony while my mind is telling me to stop, but I can't. That pain is my drug and I fiend for more. I am never satisfied. I am always critiquing. I am my own worst critique. I envision my own concept of a perfect physique. But no matter how close I get, I become further from it. Like a painter with his brush and canvas, or a sculpture with his hands and clay, I create what I see in my mind. Like a teenager going through changes or a loner never feeling accepted, I feel awkward, like I'm never good enough. I must do more. I must push myself harder. I must outwork everyone around me. I must be a winner and defeat the man that is starring back at me in the mirror. I am my own competition. The pain and the sacrifice, the sweat and the hard work. The struggles of dieting. Some call it stupid, crazy or weird. I call it passion. I live a life most do not understand.
“They laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at them because they’re all the same”
~ Kurt Cobain
To be a dedicated bodybuilder, fitness enthusiast and or competitor, in my opinion takes a ton of mental strength and discipline. More strength and discipline than I think the average person has or is willing to give. Most people have no idea the amount of mental strain living this lifestyle puts on you. They have no idea how hard it is to resist temptation and stay focused. To eat not for the flavor, but for the results. Eat the same bland meals day in and day out without complaint. Most can’t stay on top of the grind when no one is looking or push themselves to the brink of puking training by themselves. They need someone to constantly watch and push them and most still come up with excuses why they can’t or aren’t able to. If you compete, you don’t just put a big chunk of your income into the lifestyle. You put your entire heart, body and mind into it. You’re constantly aware of what you’re feeding your body. You’re constantly aware of the stress and strain. You’re planning your day with your meals in mind. I went to Disneyland just before the last show I did. I carried around a cooler the entire time with my food in it and watched everyone eat and drink whatever they wanted while I stayed on my diet eating the same shit i had been for months. Why? Because I had a show to do in 7 weeks and I was committed and dedicated. I woke up every morning at 4am to hit the gym across the street from the hotel. I was on vacation, but there is no vacation from this when you have a goal to obtain and a show to get ready for.
You never get use to the criticisms of your friends, family, coworkers or random people who stop you because they don’t understand. They can’t ever understand unless they’ve wanted something so bad that they become compulsive about it. You just learn to brush it off and ignore them. Showing up to hang out with friends and family with your own prepped food or having to skip dinners for someone’s birthday because there’s nothing on the menu you can have. Waking up completely exhausted or coming home from work even more exhausted but still having to get in the gym and bust your ass. I trained at 4am every morning. Which means I was up at 2am cooking my pre and post training meals and eating before training. I did this day in and day out for 4 years after my daughter was born and loved every minute of it. Before she was born, I was a bachelor and trained mostly around 8-9pm. But I had to rearrange things to fit both my family and bodybuilding priorities in. I wasn’t willing to give up either. Both were just as important to me as bad as that may sound.
This is why I love this board. Most here aren’t competitors, but you can still relate, give advice or criticism. Most here understand the mindset and are doing similar things. This place is a home for some of us. I don’t share a lot of what I write, but I’ve shared the above poem I wrote about a year ago and wanted to post it again because it gives me motivation and reminds me why I love this lifestyle so much. Kurt Cobain’s quote I feel finished it off because that quote speaks volumes to me in a many different ways.
. Cant be worse than my post prego pics haha. Will be all the better when you come back and give you some extra motivation.
