Bundy74
Board Rep
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2016
- Messages
- 2,167
- Reaction score
- 258
- Points
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Like most of you I stumbled on ASF and read and read and read until I was ready to put the knowledge to use in the real world. Dont get me wrong, my mind was already made it up so for me it was really trying to educate myself on protocols and the actual impact of each compound. As the months passed my first cycle was going well and within my first 10 weeks had already drastically changed my frame. For me that first post cycle pic I posted on ASF represents so much as I truly committed every ounce of myself to this change and it showed. Unfortunately that thrill was short lived as I immediately jumped into my first bulk comp on ASF which is where my story takes a turn. While on bulk I was looking at the local NPC and IFBB guys at my gym and day in day out I kept telling myself, F*** that I can do that too. So in the midst of that first bulk I changed gears and decided I would enter the last National Qualifier of the season which was just shy of 12 weeks out. With the support of a great sponsor at the time I got to the stage in a total of 10 months. Thats to say just 10 months before I had man boobs and all the other perks of being 42 and out of shape. So I was feeling great about my accomplishments...it was a high ive only felt during competition but more importantly I had done what I set out to do. My plan at that time was to do a show to prove I could and then just leave the gear alone and just stay healthy. Well after the show and not placing I was fucking devastated. Like so many on instagram or wherever, I put on a smile and threw out some positive quote but really I was full of poison at that time. I was so pissed that I vowed not to let myself down like that again..I mean shit, 10 months of glute only injects, the diet the whole regime..so for it all to be over in seconds is too much bullshit for me to handle. I knew my frame was enough for some hardware but I blew the posing..I mean seriously blew it. The stage is surreal, I mean it just hits you all at once so I froze and by the time I got going it was already done. Plus I was so naive I thought no biggie ill just go back and kill it round 2 or finals or call out or whatever..turns out pre-judging is where it goes down at so my fate was sealed. Nonetheless that night while eating a double cheeseburger and milkshake I started plotting my next move. After this show I took a few days off to eat like I had never eaten and just relax but more importantly it allowed me time to focus my anger and disappointment.
At this point I was with no sponsor but no matter I was in the gym killing it. I mean every weight had purpose and I felt driven to the point where truly nothing else mattered. I started to schedule more and more time away from work eventually quitting and going back to doing freelance work to keep some money coming in but really I stopped caring about everything except getting back to the stage. For those of you who follow my threads this next time period is well documented.
I had also decided at this point that I wanted to compete the next season in Classic Physique which would allow me to compete at 200lbs or 15lbs up from current competition weight at that time. So here I go again with my attempt at a bulk. With a new sponsor I felt pretty solid but with the backlash I received on board for the jump I reallyput that negativity to heart and it carried over into my bulk. I am not naturally a bulk type of dude so I really stress bulking time. Nevertheless I killed the bulk and packed on 31lbs during my run. Granted I feel like I looked like shit but I knew I had to pack on the pounds and size if I was to compete in Classic. Now its time to cut and as luck would have it my bulk sponsor didnt turn out to be my cut sponsor and well this jump caused even more headaches for even more reasons but for me it all goes back to the training. I mean if I didnt do what I did in the gym then really none of this would matter so thats it..all bullshit comments on the board aside, it all comes down to what you do in that dungeon and frankly I just put my head down and quietly started to put together a new frame.
For all the ups and downs with this time period, the hardest struggle at the time was just seeing my body that way. Remember im just coming off being 185 at 4.4%bf so to now be at 217lbs was a huge change. I couldnt breathe the same and everything from sex to sleep was a lesson in cardio for me.
So off I go with new gear as I start to cut down. This really tested me as I just hated seeing myself like this and it seemed to be taking forever to get back to what I was before. Little by little the weight was dropping and along with the strength gains made during my bulk im starting to see some new development as well. But as bodybuilders we or at least im so messed up in the head, im not the type flexing in the mirror and taking selfies..im constantly bummed at one muscle group or the other. At this point im walking around with a chip on my shoulder as im seeing all these below average dudes in the gym walking around like Phil Heath and taking pics and even worse im seeing dudes from the gym who just competed who are now claiming to be coaches and im like you clowns couldnt teach someone how to tie shoes let alone how to compete plus what are you gonna do besides teach someone else how not to win at a contest because thats all I see going on. So the process is taking time but im also realzing that ive now run two high dose cycles of Clen dropped 20lbs and im still sitting at my goal weight of 200lbs. Damn what I great feeling brothers I mean to have dropped the dirty weight and to land right where I needed to be was so motivating..thats the spark. That right there lit that flame again and since then its been all about getting to where I got to go. Little by little the changes come but im still far from satisfied, truth be told the more time that passes, the less satisfied I am. I start looking at the season schedule and realize I have months and months to prep. Just like last year my thought is winning. I mean you pay all this money to compete and what not so dont even step to it if winning isnt on your mind. As that thought simmers I realize that instead of prepping towards a date why not prep until I feel like im truly ready. At the moment there is a national qualifying show every month until the Cup in Dec so that changed things for sure as well.
So whats it all for? I mean theres no money in this especially for us older dudes, I mean perhaps some small shop or supp company..maybe..hell even pros are in the same boat but its not about the money in this. Back to those over confident dudes in the gym. I dont get that..celebrating mediocrity. For me its the understanding that we only have so many shots at greatness. I understand that I have managed to push myself to another level but what pushes you to keep pushing for more? Why not be satisfied in this new body of mine. Im sure I would be happy walking around like this. Shoot my wife loves it, soccer moms cant get enough and the young ones are like damn my dad doesnt look like that! All jokes aside. At this point my butt cheeks are always sore. Im either always just finished eating or thinking about eating or using the bathroom. I sleep alot because I want my body to rest and grow but damn what keeps a grown man of 43yrs old inspired to keep on keeping on.
I constantly tell myself im not going thru all of this for nothing. If I cant sit down in a hard chair because im sore than it better be worth it. For me it boils down to one truth and one truth only. I havent finished yet. Thats it! As I sat in that Motel 6 last year with Protan all over the bed I swore I would be better this year. I swore I wouldnt let myself down again and most importantly I swore I wouldnt quit until I had what I set out for. So lopsided butt cheeks and all its more of the same for me. The challenge isnt about the goal, its about the desire and discipline to get there. The truth is, on any given day the guy next to you even if not in the best shape can win and in that same day the guy who should win will lose. All I can do is push and push...all I can do is be better..all I can do is make every set count and make every movement mean something because frankly if I dont, then to me its all for nothing. I didnt set out to be a competitor nor did I set out to be a bodybuilder, I did however set out to be the best I can be!
At this point I was with no sponsor but no matter I was in the gym killing it. I mean every weight had purpose and I felt driven to the point where truly nothing else mattered. I started to schedule more and more time away from work eventually quitting and going back to doing freelance work to keep some money coming in but really I stopped caring about everything except getting back to the stage. For those of you who follow my threads this next time period is well documented.
I had also decided at this point that I wanted to compete the next season in Classic Physique which would allow me to compete at 200lbs or 15lbs up from current competition weight at that time. So here I go again with my attempt at a bulk. With a new sponsor I felt pretty solid but with the backlash I received on board for the jump I reallyput that negativity to heart and it carried over into my bulk. I am not naturally a bulk type of dude so I really stress bulking time. Nevertheless I killed the bulk and packed on 31lbs during my run. Granted I feel like I looked like shit but I knew I had to pack on the pounds and size if I was to compete in Classic. Now its time to cut and as luck would have it my bulk sponsor didnt turn out to be my cut sponsor and well this jump caused even more headaches for even more reasons but for me it all goes back to the training. I mean if I didnt do what I did in the gym then really none of this would matter so thats it..all bullshit comments on the board aside, it all comes down to what you do in that dungeon and frankly I just put my head down and quietly started to put together a new frame.
For all the ups and downs with this time period, the hardest struggle at the time was just seeing my body that way. Remember im just coming off being 185 at 4.4%bf so to now be at 217lbs was a huge change. I couldnt breathe the same and everything from sex to sleep was a lesson in cardio for me.
So off I go with new gear as I start to cut down. This really tested me as I just hated seeing myself like this and it seemed to be taking forever to get back to what I was before. Little by little the weight was dropping and along with the strength gains made during my bulk im starting to see some new development as well. But as bodybuilders we or at least im so messed up in the head, im not the type flexing in the mirror and taking selfies..im constantly bummed at one muscle group or the other. At this point im walking around with a chip on my shoulder as im seeing all these below average dudes in the gym walking around like Phil Heath and taking pics and even worse im seeing dudes from the gym who just competed who are now claiming to be coaches and im like you clowns couldnt teach someone how to tie shoes let alone how to compete plus what are you gonna do besides teach someone else how not to win at a contest because thats all I see going on. So the process is taking time but im also realzing that ive now run two high dose cycles of Clen dropped 20lbs and im still sitting at my goal weight of 200lbs. Damn what I great feeling brothers I mean to have dropped the dirty weight and to land right where I needed to be was so motivating..thats the spark. That right there lit that flame again and since then its been all about getting to where I got to go. Little by little the changes come but im still far from satisfied, truth be told the more time that passes, the less satisfied I am. I start looking at the season schedule and realize I have months and months to prep. Just like last year my thought is winning. I mean you pay all this money to compete and what not so dont even step to it if winning isnt on your mind. As that thought simmers I realize that instead of prepping towards a date why not prep until I feel like im truly ready. At the moment there is a national qualifying show every month until the Cup in Dec so that changed things for sure as well.
So whats it all for? I mean theres no money in this especially for us older dudes, I mean perhaps some small shop or supp company..maybe..hell even pros are in the same boat but its not about the money in this. Back to those over confident dudes in the gym. I dont get that..celebrating mediocrity. For me its the understanding that we only have so many shots at greatness. I understand that I have managed to push myself to another level but what pushes you to keep pushing for more? Why not be satisfied in this new body of mine. Im sure I would be happy walking around like this. Shoot my wife loves it, soccer moms cant get enough and the young ones are like damn my dad doesnt look like that! All jokes aside. At this point my butt cheeks are always sore. Im either always just finished eating or thinking about eating or using the bathroom. I sleep alot because I want my body to rest and grow but damn what keeps a grown man of 43yrs old inspired to keep on keeping on.
I constantly tell myself im not going thru all of this for nothing. If I cant sit down in a hard chair because im sore than it better be worth it. For me it boils down to one truth and one truth only. I havent finished yet. Thats it! As I sat in that Motel 6 last year with Protan all over the bed I swore I would be better this year. I swore I wouldnt let myself down again and most importantly I swore I wouldnt quit until I had what I set out for. So lopsided butt cheeks and all its more of the same for me. The challenge isnt about the goal, its about the desire and discipline to get there. The truth is, on any given day the guy next to you even if not in the best shape can win and in that same day the guy who should win will lose. All I can do is push and push...all I can do is be better..all I can do is make every set count and make every movement mean something because frankly if I dont, then to me its all for nothing. I didnt set out to be a competitor nor did I set out to be a bodybuilder, I did however set out to be the best I can be!
