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story time : the most ridiculous stupid bitch you have ever encountered?

charles bronson

charles bronson

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Get Shredded!
inspired by the dumbest fight with wife/gf thread..

it wasn't my wife or gf, so i couldn't bring this up over there

but its just too fucking good not to share



ok, here goes..

i was bouncing at a shithole biker bar.. real fucking pirate ship

the bouncer before me was a cop that took the job off duty for extra cash and said - fuck this!

it was that bad.


some toothless fucking guy is getting hammered at the bar with his raggedy ass ol lady, they're laughing and kissing and its good times


like out of no where, i hear " you old fucking whore!"

he grabs her by the throat, jacks her off the stool and against the wall and starts rabbit punching her in the fucking face. she had enough wherewithal to put her head down after the first few shots so he was basically just lumping up her skull by the time i yoked him and pulled him off her..

I'm talking into his ear while I'm choke-walking him towards the back door - hey brother, there are cameras in here and everything that just happened will be played in court if your here when the cops show up ; my bar tender is a real cunt and i know she's on the phone with the cops right now man ( its her fault he could go to jail, and I'm helping him, ok?) so just calm down and get out of here before they show up and haul you off bro..

his response " get off me or ill fucking killllll yaaa!"

so i locked it in the yoke nice and tight and he starts to take a nap.. he's in and out , I'm walking him out the back door and out of camera view so i can punish him if he swings on me..


he is calming down nicely once he realizes just how fucking caught he is, and starts telling me he just wants to go home

(perfect, I'm helping you escape from the law! I'm not throwing you out!)

this is as close to a happy ending as this can ever get

we are to the back door, I'm just about to let him go.. and i hear " get off my man you motherucker!"

its the raggedy old lady with the black eyes and all the knots on her head.

i started to tell her - we are good, lets all get out of here before johnny law shows up- and i hear this slapping sound, feels like a fucking bee the size of a turkey stung my fiucking back

i choke slam the toothless wonder out the door and onto the pavement, slam the door and dead bolt it - turn around and this bitch is looking at me like she just saw a ghost.

something warm is now running down my back, and that bee sting from the turkey sized wasp is like ummm..

way worse now or something..

reach up and feel over my shoulder..

yep thats blood..

and whats this? a fucking nail file about 5'' long slides out of my god damn trap.

oh yes.

the nice lady who i just rescued from having her face beaten in? she had tried to stick a sharpened nail file into my neck, and instead buried it in my trap.

she tried to flee. but somehow the 50 something year old booze hag wasn't quick enough - i grabbed cuntzilla by her bleached out perm and drug her to the back door.

the last 4 feet or so of the hallway was off camera.

she slipped several times and hit her head on the metal door frame.

i mean five or six really hard whacks

i tried to assist her , but she kept stumbling and hitting her head against the door frame like she was determined to put a dent in the fucking thing.

luckily i still had her by the hair, and kept her from losing her feet and falling to the ground..

until i slipped the dead bolt, threw the door open, where her man was sitting on the ground cross legged smoking a cigerette talking on his cell phone..

he was startled - " what the fuck is this?!?!"

this is your ugly cunt girlfriend - she just said your lucky i managed to stop her from stabbing you with this nail file - said she was about to take you the fuck out AND she wants me to hold you here till the cops come so she can press charges !!!

i swung the beast by her perm out into the parking lot -

" you deal with her bro! I'm totally out of this and there are no cops coming - it is all you"

fuck. im stabbed? my bartender was cool as fuck, patch due up more than once - told me it wasn't THAT bad, totally relieved..
just gross because of how disgusting the bitch was that shanked me


anyhow!! a regular from the bar had went out back, came in a few minutes later and said her old man had finished what he started in the bar - and pounded her pretty good - now the cops were here!! yay! this is when we like to see the cops show up kids!!!


long story a little longer.. they both went to jail , him for fucking her up royally, and her for shanking me with a nail file.

for my money the whole thing pretty much ended like a disney movie.

turns out he had already warrants, and she had to be hospitalized

good times.

soemboudy have a fucked up bitch story to share?

lets hear it
 
Lmao!!

The "concussion/drugs" must've had her thinking she was a fucking billy goat for a second there.
 
That's awesome.
 
Pretty much how every domestic dispute ends up when someone tries to intervene. White trash at it's finest. Glad you are ok.
 
Sounds familiar.

A friend of mine saw a guy pummeling his GF/wife outside a bar one night. He runs to her aid and pulls the guy off of her only to have her climb on his back and start pounding him.

My friend said he will never do that again.

And I am with TouaregV8, white trash!
 
I am really surprised at how nice you can be after being stabbed. Being kind enough to try to keep her from banging her head against the door frame by her hair was really stand up of you. Was she in a rush to get out of there or do you think she felt so bad that she as punishing herself for sticking you with a nail?
 
Skip Foursome said:
Sounds familiar.

A friend of mine saw a guy pummeling his GF/wife outside a bar one night. He runs to her aid and pulls the guy off of her only to have her climb on his back and start pounding him.

My friend said he will never do that again.

And I am with TouaregV8, white trash!
Click to expand...
Some bitches like getting smacked.. fucking weird psychology..
 
I've got a fucked up story involving womens. A couple years ago I was at this shithole bar downtown getting shit hammered by myself because the woman with whom I lived at the time had to work early the next Saturday morning. Anyway, a dude I was talking to on the patio whips out this freezer sacks of random white mystery drug and proceeds to tell me that he would "sell me the whole thing for $50.00 and would let me try it" but strongly advised me against eating "more than one scoop."

Anyway, being a non-pussy, I went ahead and ate three scoops. Man, I got CRAZY fucked up and ended up plowing these two ugly Mexican bitches in their mini-van.

Moral of the story is this: I'll never know what that mystery drug was, but in retrospect, I think it was probably bath salts and at least I got laid (although I'm not necessarily to proud of it, considering.....)
 
The server capacity can't handle the character count if contribute to this thread :coffee:
 
So I hook up with this chick at a bar and take her home...we're getting into it and she climbs on top,I'm talking about a freak fellas! She starts coming and shaking and stuff and I swear she shit all over me! All I could do is freeze up and say wtf!!! She told me sorry and says when she comes that hard she shits! Well I showered up and hit it again! What a night
 
So I'm seeing this chick. Mid 20's and I live out in the middle of nowhere and move 100 miles to the city to live with this chick. So I'm all spun the fuck out and she's a former heroin addict bipolar and unmedicated and starts getting high with me and loses her shit over the course of about a month. I decide fuck this and I leave.

A week goes by and she's "missing me" so I decide since all my stuff is there anyways I'll give this another shot. So I show up after I've been gone a week. I'm there a few hours we're fucking and some dude comes by that she freaks out and sends him on his way and I realize she's been fucking dudes and asking me to come back all week. So I say fuck it, I'm done.

I get in my car and she chases me everywhere through the streets of a major city in a Sunday afternoon, almost running me off the road several times. Finally I pull over ready to kill this bitch and she's losing her shit so I put her in the car and take her to the mental hospital thinking they'll take this bitch off my hands. Turns out they know her and they just write her a script and refuse to admit her. So back to the apartment. It's not 15 minutes and she's in the bathroom threatening to kill herself and take these bottles of pills.

Finally I tell her "kill yourself if you want" and as I'm walking out the door a GD pot flies over my shoulder and smashes a mirror on the wall. I refrain from turning around and I get in my car, well she's 5'11" and I'm 5'7" and she dives on top of me and had me pinned. So I slide out of the car grab her by the waist and push her back far enough to get in the car, lock the door and I'm gone.

I get back to my hometown and the next day I get a call from some detective about assaulting his chick. I explain I didn't assault anyone and think it's done. The next day I have cops at my house on a welfare check because she keeps calling the local pd telling them I'm suicidal. I let them in and they apologize and leave. They come back every day for three days. Aplogizing and telling me I need to get this bitch under control, but the chief is making them come. I tell them I can't do ahit about the crazy bitch calling them. The next day they come back and I invite them in to do the look around and they say "man we're sorry but we gotta take you with us, they filed assault charges back in Dallas." So they don't even cuff me, they process me and let me out before they call dallas to say they picked me up.

Next day my PO is calling. Wants me to take a drug test because the bitch has been calling her nonstop for a week too. She doesn't believe the assault charges but I have to take a UA. 6 months later they dropped a warrant on me. I'm already engaged to someone else. I wind up getting married and she gets pregnant immediately afterwards and off I go to prison for 6 months. Did 8 total. Managed to be out just in time to see my son born (4days), then had to go to trial on the assault where the crazy bitch admitted she made the assault up.

Moral of the story: if you stick your dick in a chick's ass and she starts talking about her dad, don't leave your po's card on the nightstand when you leave and make sure she actually takes all the pills when she threatens to kill herself.
 
Damgar said:
So I'm seeing this chick. Mid 20's and I live out in the middle of nowhere and move 100 miles to the city to live with this chick. So I'm all spun the fuck out and she's a former heroin addict bipolar and unmedicated and starts getting high with me and loses her shit over the course of about a month. I decide fuck this and I leave.

A week goes by and she's "missing me" so I decide since all my stuff is there anyways I'll give this another shot. So I show up after I've been gone a week. I'm there a few hours we're fucking and some dude comes by that she freaks out and sends him on his way and I realize she's been fucking dudes and asking me to come back all week. So I say fuck it, I'm done.

I get in my car and she chases me everywhere through the streets of a major city in a Sunday afternoon, almost running me off the road several times. Finally I pull over ready to kill this bitch and she's losing her shit so I put her in the car and take her to the mental hospital thinking they'll take this bitch off my hands. Turns out they know her and they just write her a script and refuse to admit her. So back to the apartment. It's not 15 minutes and she's in the bathroom threatening to kill herself and take these bottles of pills.

Finally I tell her "kill yourself if you want" and as I'm walking out the door a GD pot flies over my shoulder and smashes a mirror on the wall. I refrain from turning around and I get in my car, well she's 5'11" and I'm 5'7" and she dives on top of me and had me pinned. So I slide out of the car grab her by the waist and push her back far enough to get in the car, lock the door and I'm gone.

I get back to my hometown and the next day I get a call from some detective about assaulting his chick. I explain I didn't assault anyone and think it's done. The next day I have cops at my house on a welfare check because she keeps calling the local pd telling them I'm suicidal. I let them in and they apologize and leave. They come back every day for three days. Aplogizing and telling me I need to get this bitch under control, but the chief is making them come. I tell them I can't do ahit about the crazy bitch calling them. The next day they come back and I invite them in to do the look around and they say "man we're sorry but we gotta take you with us, they filed assault charges back in Dallas." So they don't even cuff me, they process me and let me out before they call dallas to say they picked me up.

Next day my PO is calling. Wants me to take a drug test because the bitch has been calling her nonstop for a week too. She doesn't believe the assault charges but I have to take a UA. 6 months later they dropped a warrant on me. I'm already engaged to someone else. I wind up getting married and she gets pregnant immediately afterwards and off I go to prison for 6 months. Did 8 total. Managed to be out just in time to see my son born (4days), then had to go to trial on the assault where the crazy bitch admitted she made the assault up.

Moral of the story: if you stick your dick in a chick's ass and she starts talking about her dad, don't leave your po's card on the nightstand when you leave and make sure she actually takes all the pills when she threatens to kill herself.
Click to expand...


I just dropped the mic for you man...
 
For several years my oldest sister thought it was perfectly legal to go blazing down the street at 20 over the posted limit. So here is this 5' tall airhead hard on the gas, leaning on the horn, swerving back and forth, with her head out the window screaming at the cars in front of her "go faster! Go faster!"
 
Damgar said:
:roflmao: Hell that's not even the worst!
Click to expand...

sorry to hear that man..

it is fucked up, but anytime a woman cries wolf they have to listen

too many women get murdered by their own god damned man for it not to be taken seriously, the penalty for failure by leo's is a dead girl who had called the cops asking for help before being butchered.



i almost got rail roaded - driving a stripper home from the club i worked at

somebody roofied this young girl and she flipped out started fighting with the other dancers saying they did it


well this one hot amazon viking bitch clobbered this girl, and good. she split her lip open and swoll her eye.

the roofies finished kicking in and now she's in zombieland , my manager has me take her home.

driving her to her house - the bitch kicks open the car door while we are going over a bridge and says she wants to kill herself.

i grabbed her fishnet stripper top to keep her from doing a nose dive onto the moving pavement and thats when i catch the blue light...

a cop saw everyitng, walks to the car and this girl is all beat up , dressed like a porn star on set, and her eyes spinning in her head talking gibberish


she wouldn't sign her name ( government conspiracy!) to anything , deputy fife takes me to jail on assault and battery- you fucking kidding me!!!

my manager cleared it all up but not before i spent 6 hours in a holding cell
 
Get Shredded!
Skip Foursome said:
I wanna hear about when you were going to set that Mexican family on fire.
Click to expand...
Someone will have to start a "biggest alcoholic with antisocial tendencies when they black out" thread for that one... And it wasn't the whole family. Just all the cousins and uncles I kept fighting. Geez, it's not like you have to embellish that one... :coffee:
 
Damgar said:
Someone will have to start a "biggest alcoholic with antisocial tendencies when they black out" thread for that one... And it wasn't the whole family. Just all the cousins and uncles I kept fighting. Geez, it's not like you have to embellish that one... :coffee:
Click to expand...


lets have a beer sometime..
 
GS1 said:
a dude I was talking to on the patio whips out this freezer sacks of random white mystery drug , I think it was probably bath salts
Click to expand...

Sounds like molly to me. You lucky, nobody ever gives me free molly :-(
 
I frequented this beer joint back in my single days.....bartender is the daughter of the lady who owns the place...every night she gives me free beer etc...no tab...zero....so I figure she wants to fuck...

She was a thick gal with huge gigantic tits....and I mean some fucking mounds....so one night I leave the bar and her friend calls me to tell me there having after hours at the bar...I go back and its empty except her ....she comes out of the back in a latex nurses outfit....spiked heels and a bottle of baby oil....I pound down.a.shot of vodka(I needed it)...

She bends over the pool table....pours oil down her as crack...and says "fuck this bad nurses asshole"... So I stumble over and hammer her shit box....pull out and lob a big load on the pool table...

Next night is pool league....and sure enough the resident pool league coke drinking loser with his chalk holder on his belt is using his finger nails to remove this forgein glue like substance off the felt..lmao..we died laughing...

That fatty was a whole lotta fun for awhile...I fucked her in a horse trailer once...with a horse in it...dirty whore:):)
 
s2h said:
I frequented this beer joint back in my single days.....bartender is the daughter of the lady who owns the place...every night she gives me free beer etc...no tab...zero....so I figure she wants to fuck...

She was a thick gal with huge gigantic tits....and I mean some fucking mounds....so one night I leave the bar and her friend calls me to tell me there having after hours at the bar...I go back and its empty except her ....she comes out of the back in a latex nurses outfit....spiked heels and a bottle of baby oil....I pound down.a.shot of vodka(I needed it)...

She bends over the pool table....pours oil down her as crack...and says "fuck this bad nurses asshole"... So I stumble over and hammer her shit box....pull out and lob a big load on the pool table...

Next night is pool league....and sure enough the resident pool league coke drinking loser with his chalk holder on his belt is using his finger nails to remove this forgein glue like substance off the felt..lmao..we died laughing...

That fatty was a whole lotta fun for awhile...I fucked her in a horse trailer once...with a horse in it...dirty whore:):)
Click to expand...
:roflmao:
 
s2h said:
I frequented this beer joint back in my single days.....bartender is the daughter of the lady who owns the place...every night she gives me free beer etc...no tab...zero....so I figure she wants to fuck...

She was a thick gal with huge gigantic tits....and I mean some fucking mounds....so one night I leave the bar and her friend calls me to tell me there having after hours at the bar...I go back and its empty except her ....she comes out of the back in a latex nurses outfit....spiked heels and a bottle of baby oil....I pound down.a.shot of vodka(I needed it)...

She bends over the pool table....pours oil down her as crack...and says "fuck this bad nurses asshole"... So I stumble over and hammer her shit box....pull out and lob a big load on the pool table...

Next night is pool league....and sure enough the resident pool league coke drinking loser with his chalk holder on his belt is using his finger nails to remove this forgein glue like substance off the felt..lmao..we died laughing...

That fatty was a whole lotta fun for awhile...I fucked her in a horse trailer once...with a horse in it...dirty whore:):)
Click to expand...

I'm Dying
 
bump


so far , this has been GOLD


share your story, i know you guys have at least one good one - Bronson
 
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