Yeah, I have long suspected something other than just low T. Like straight out depression. If you are willing to share what and how you dealt with it that'd be great.
I had sever depression for 2 and a half years (meaning, I spent a lot of the day for those couple of years wanting to kill myself) and I still have depression now although very mild, but you can never cure depression. Ways of dealing with depression varies greatly on your personality.
What do you like to do, maddad?
Example: I am a bit creative myself and during my long stint with this depression I found what I now realise to be my first helping hand out - music. I found my still favourite singer ever in Marilyn Manson and took to listening to his songs every day and still do. Sure, a lot of his songs are sad and made me think and cry, but it helped having this thing, or entity that I could cry with and not have to worry about judgement. You can do the same with anger issues as I had as well.
This music lead me to actually want to get up, I started getting up early in the morning's to watch documentaries about MM and find new songs, eventually finding out he was first a poet.
I took up poetry and I put my darkest thoughts on paper, things I couldn't out right tell anyone, or just things that I couldn't communicate verbally because of how complex they are. I actually have a few published now and have made a bit of money off of them, and am still planning on getting others published in a more profitable way.
These poems caused a surge of emotion when writing them but after I did feel a great deal lighter. For me, it was a way of saying my peace with the emotions I had going on inside me.
Anyways, moving on I also found MM was a painter - and so, I tried my hand at painting. This is about a year on from my depression now and I have completed many paintings and actually make a good deal of money off of them now (around $3-600 each). I really love to write and paint, draw and sing. Dance, whatever it is and I'm not afraid to admit any of this because it saved my life.
What I'm trying to introduce here is it took one thing to start a chain reaction, although not instant, powerful. Eventually I forgot my sad feelings and only brought them out when needed (to write or paint, or just to abuse someone who annoyed me). Eventually all this good was beginning to happen in my life and I didn't even feel like I really had to try and fight this depressive cloud, it just passed as all storms did when the sun decided to rain on me. With the rain, sprout a flower and that is my now fiancée and best friend. Hold on in there, and find what you want to do in life.
So I ask you again, what do you like to do maddad?
This is all a bit preachy as shit, I know it, but I am honestly trying my hardest to help. I also have a BoA in psych, going for hopefully a PHD one day.
All the best mate!