2 weeks in europe, any ideas on how stay "on" and how to maintain diet

So I'm planning a trip to europe for 2 weeks and will need to stay geared up and maintain my A-game, incase I meet a young drop dead gorgeous european woman who wants to marry me and have all my children.

All kidding aside...

how should I go about this? mailing it is not an option since I will only be in each country for 3 days each. I was thinking about making a transdermal and adding it to a lotion bottle and also taking some caps/tabs with me. Will this cause me any issues if I keep it in my check in luggage?

Also what high protein foods can I eat/order in spain, ibiza, france and amsterdam? I;m trying to avoid all the heavy starches, butters and fats.

Some of you may think I may be a little nutty for not losing up a little bit and enjoying my stay over there, but I just don't want to spiral to far downhill and spent a month making up for all the damage.

Buy a bunch of test dec or test undec and front load 1.5g prior to departure.

Or buy a heap of proviron, take the tabs in a vitamin container run it 100mg/day

Or do both.

Or get small and withered.