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At a loss

TheOldJJdigs

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I don't really have lots of people to talk to about this...

My mother just called me and told me that she's divorcing my father. They've been married 36 years and up until this minute I always thought they'd be together. I'm older now, mid 30's and I have children of my own but this news just killed me. 3 months ago my mother attempted suicide... She was very close from being successful and I watched the pain and heartache my father felt and endured as our family went through this time. My mother was in the hospital for weeks and my father was there every minute taking care of her... My father's given my mother everything his whole life. He busted his ass for everything... And now this.

To make this worse my father has no one on his side of his family. While my mother has her whole family to lean on. I'm so fcking mad that my mother would do this to a man that's worked everyday and emotionally supported her for 35 years. My father deserves better than this...

at a loss...
 
JJ Im so sorry to hear this.... I really dont know what to say. I have a friend who is going through a very similiar situation. Its gonna be difficult but you are gonna have to really be there for your Dad. He is gonna need someone to lean on and your gonna have to be supportive. Again Im so sorry for this being dropped in your lap and Im sorry for your father.
 
Man this has to be hard bro. I know it's hard on you and it must be a terrible blow to your dad. My mother divorced twice so I essentially have two fathers. One who sired me (sounds horrible putting it like that but couldn't think of another way to say it) and one who raised me. I love them both. Both are great guys that I can go to anytime. My mom passed away 7 years ago. We had a strained relationship for a while but were getting close again.

Your dad is might go through a lot of turmoil over this. If he was blindsided by it it's going to stink bad. He may not have other family members on his side but he does have you. That's going to be a great help for him. He may not feel comfortable leaning on his son for support in this situation but you'll just have to be there for him in any way he needs and be the guiding force for him.

Having said that I'd be remiss if I didn't say be mindful of your mother also. I know she's doing this but if you think about it logically, it's coming from a deep place. It's probably not something she came to lightly. She recently attempted suicide. Something I can understand. I was on the verge years ago myself. Literally speaking. I obviously didn't and it was a long road back to the stronger place that I am in now. I say this because your mother may still be in a fragile mindset. She may have decided that the reason she tried to commit suicide had something to do with her relationship with your dad. She may think this is a step to her own rehab etc. The point is unless you speak with her, as a friend and not a hurt judging son who is protecting his father, you'll never know the exact reason. They both have a side to the story.

I know this really stinks man. It's a hard road in front of all of you. If you need to chat or vent or whatever bro just hit me up.
 
Real sorry to hear this bro... unpleasant family situations are never easy. Seems like its a bit more difficult when its our parents because we always tend to view them in the same light that we did as kids. Then we grow up and sometimes along the way things happen that dispell the myth that our parents are perfect. Having them actually divorce after such a long time is going to be a bit traumatic. I hope it doesn't come to that but if it does, try to remain neutral and continue to love each of your folks unconditionally the way you always have. There's always two sides to every story and you probably won't know 100% of both sides as things that happen between husband and wife tend to be sacred ... especially with older folks like our parents. I wish you and yours all the best through this, man. Be strong and keep your head up... and thanks for confiding.

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I am really sorry to read this and sincerely hope all works out bro. When shit like this happens I always "try" to keep telling myself it is for a reason that i just can't figure out......yet. Thanks for sharing. There are a ton of guys on here that have big hearts.
 
A big thank you to every brother that posted.

Its a lot to swallow... I don't mean for me but for what I'm feeling for my father. He's a remarkable person... Now he's broken. I really don't know how to console my father... It's always been the other way around. Even when I came back from Afghanistan... He was the only one that sat and talked to me.

Its obvious this is a family here at ASF. I'm not one to wear feelings or what's going on in my life on my sleeve but I needed to get this shit out. Honestly... Thank you fellas.
 
We're here for you bro... any time... any day... Probably no real answers for you but a whole lot of support and positive vibes and never a judgment.
 
JJ man I'm so sorry bro. Nothing I could say would take the hurt away so ill end with. Bro were here for ya and if u need anything ill be glad to try n help.
 
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We have as a generation been poisoned by fairy tails. While I am in no way making a direct reflextion on your parents marriage. I have no idea. But I have realised in my own life. It takes two to make it work and it takes two to mess it up. Your mom is clearly unhappy. How happy can her spouse be if shes that unhappy. I might look at it like a blessing. She wont drag him down to her level of misery for his golden years.
 
So sorry to hear it man.

Are you sure she's OK mentally? Someone who attempts suicide and then upends her life shortly thereafter might have something else going on. That doesn't make it suck any less, but something to consider.
 
Any updates JJ? Have you got a chance to sit down and speak to your Dad yet? Keep us posted man.... let me know if you need an ear to chew on.
 
I have friends that have gone through things like this. That is to say, they've gone through very serious family issues. I never what to say except that I'm sympathetic, bc I care about people, but I honestly don't know what it feels like. I've had virtually no family to speak of my entire life so I haven't had to deal with tragedy. Everyone (including my psychologist) says I'm missing out on a great joy in life not experiencing the unconditional love of a family. It's hard for me to agree of disagree simply bc I don't know what that's like. When bad things happen to people, though, I often ask if its worth it. Virtually everyone says emphatically that the positive outweighs the negative. So I guess I would say that if to this point they've brought you happiness throughout your life, then you're fortunate...even if its hard to feel that way now.
 
Any updates JJ? Have you got a chance to sit down and speak to your Dad yet? Keep us posted man.... let me know if you need an ear to chew on.

No updates buddy... Just taking some time to hang with my father and just have some bonding time. Shit isn't good right now but he's going to pull through.

Sry brothers for being away the last day or so...
 
No updates buddy... Just taking some time to hang with my father and just have some bonding time. Shit isn't good right now but he's going to pull through.

Sry brothers for being away the last day or so...

Sorry for what?! How about stop spending time here and go spend time with your family. That's way more important and we're gonna be here when you're ready. We've got your back around these parts brother.
 
Your compassion is obvious...remain open to both parents as the turmoil manifests itself. They need your love and empathy more than ever.:kiss:
 
Sorry for what?! How about stop spending time here and go spend time with your family. That's way more important and we're gonna be here when you're ready. We've got your back around these parts brother.

I wish I could brother. The old man took off. They have a second home in another state and he needed to get away for a while. But thanks for the kind words brother. Things will work themselves out.
 
I wish I could brother. The old man took off. They have a second home in another state and he needed to get away for a while. But thanks for the kind words brother. Things will work themselves out.

I hope so JJ. Have you spoke to your Mom lately?
 
I hope so JJ. Have you spoke to your Mom lately?

Yes. She too is going through her fair share of heartache. I'm just being open and understanding to them both. Nothing more I can do... Family first.

Thanks Velo
 
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